


Breathe, Live and Love

by theultimatezb



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F, Gen, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 60,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2489804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theultimatezb/pseuds/theultimatezb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shots of Gail and Holly's not so fairytale life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hands

You're not sure how you made it home, but you're not surprised at all. Ever since it happened that many hours ago, your body has been working on autopilot. Having almost no control of your movements, being led away almost immediately and going to places you're told to. Your brain, worked in a systematic manner, providing the officer from SIU with every single detail that led to the incident and the aftermath of what happened.

You're now sitting in the middle of your master bathroom, of your shared apartment with the brunette. _Shit_. You're rather unaware of many things at the moment, but you're sure you haven't contacted her ever since you're done with the interview. You shut your eyes tightly for a few moments before opening them and blinking several times, your vision fuzzy around the edges. You lean against the bathtub, hoping for the cold porcelain to sooth your skin, the cool floor tiles to keep you grounded beneath your bare feet. One of your colleagues probably dropped you off, but it's entirely possible that you walked home since you now live 15 minutes of walking distance away from the station. You're currently half way through a brand new bottle of whisky and too drunk to remember or care how you got home in this brutally cold and windy night.

You don't know how long you sat in the interview room going over and over, step by step of your actions. But you know it was long enough for doubt to creep in. How sure are you that the man was about to shoot the woman? Did your hand slip and your finger accidentally pulled the trigger? Deep down, you trust your instinct. Elaine Peck has always been telling you to trust your instincts. You knew for sure he was about to kill the innocent woman who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. But after the hours of interrogation, you're not sure if your instincts were right anymore. You're not sure if you did the right thing anymore. You know telling the SIU officer that you fired based on your instincts is not good enough to get you cleared right away.

Taking another gulp straight from the bottle, you hope the liquid will burn the feeling that has settled deep in your gut right after you pulled the trigger. You don't care if you're going to get suspended, or even get kicked out of the force. You don't care if the man had the intention of hurting the civilian, holding her at gunpoint. You don't care if his initial intention was to rob the store. Right now, you only care about one thing, you just killed someone. You took a man's life away, whether or not if it was the right thing to do.

It doesn't matter if you close your eyes or keep them open. You'd still see the images of what happened. You're still replaying everything in your mind. You'd press play at the beginning, then pause at a certain moment, rewind and replay that moment, and you'll keep up that cycle until the alcohol kicks in at full force. You're hoping it would happen any second now, not sure how much of this torture you can endure.

Warm and familiar hands settle themselves on both your knees, but you don't look up. You want to, but you can't. You know the second you lift your head up to look at her, you'll break. You're barely holding it together, but looking into those brown eyes you love so much will definitely be the breaking point.

You feel those hands move away from your knees to the hand currently clutching tightly to the bottle, trying to pry it away from you. You don't fight those hands. You give in.

You shudder slightly when those smooth and gentle hands touch your cheeks. They don't push your head up to look at the owner of those hands. They wait for you to do it yourself, but you don't. After a minute or so, you still don't. How can you look at the person who deserves everything in the world, who deserves light and joy in her life, to let her see a face so haunted, so dark? You killed someone. And she doesn't deserve to deal with this mess. To deal with you.

Hands stay on your cheek for what seems like an eternity before trailing down slowly to the sides of your neck, to your shoulders, down your arms. Hands that feel calming and inviting, like home. You exhaled a shaky breath, and it was like those hands' cue to pull you up onto your feet. You let them. Still, you don't look up. You let yourself be led into the bedroom and to the foot of the bed.

Tan hands slowly make their way to the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your eyes close. Then they unbutton your pants and slid them down your legs for you to step out of them. In just your tank top and underwear, you're being led to your side of the bed and you lay down as those hands instructed.

You don't face away from her side. With closed eyes, you wait for her to round the bed to the other side. When you feel the bed dip, smell the sweet familiar scent of dark brown hair and feel those hands on your face again, you finally open your eyes.

You were wrong.

You thought all hell would break loose once your blue eyes met her brown ones, that the storm brewing just behind your eyes would hit the both of you hard, but it's the exact opposite. You feel the weight lift off your shoulders and off your chest, but just a little. Thumbs are quick to wipe away your tears. You can see whatever she saw in your eyes, she's feeling it too. This is what you've been dreading. You don't want her to have to deal with this too. When you try to turn away, hands stop you, warm brown eyes pleading with you not to shut her out.

So you scoot closer and rest your head on her chest, hands already wrapping around you and the steady rhythm of her heartbeat already working to erase those images away. At least for now.

And you realize you should've opened your eyes the second you felt her hands on your knees.


	2. Meet the Parents

When Gail and Holly’s friends first learned about both of their parents encounters, they all had the same reaction, somewhere along the line of ‘that’s not possible’ or ‘you’re kidding, right?’ Because things definitely did not happen the way both of them hoped it would turn out to be.

After their breakup, Holly moved to San Francisco for her new position at a research facility but that only lasted for four months before she finally realized that losing Gail over a job on the other side of the continent wasn’t even worth it and quitting to go back to the woman she loved was the best decision she ever made. So Holly handed in her resignation letter, packed up her stuff and booked the next flight available back to Toronto in hopes that Gail would take her back. And Gail did. With open arms.

Then after three weeks of officially being back together, the monthly Peck family dinner rolled around and Gail thought it would be the right time to finally introduce Holly to her parents. Holly agreed immediately.

Normally Holly wouldn’t be nervous about meeting her girlfriend’s parents. She was great with parents and people in general, but the fact that Gail’s were so high up in the police force with the ability to make or break her career in case she says something silly or does something dumb at the dinner table, Holly couldn’t help the nerves from spreading throughout her entire body.

Gail thought Holly’s worry of making a great first impression was unnecessary. There was no fault in the brunette’s character, she’s attractive and a well-established forensic pathologist, writing books and volunteering during her free time. Everybody loves Holly. She’s the perfect person to bring home to her parents. Even Traci thought Holly would be putting her to shame as the four of them finally made it to the Peck dinner together. They all agreed that within five minutes of meeting Holly, Elaine would be all over the brunette.

Oh, Elaine was indeed all over Holly.

Just when Gail and Holly thought everything was going smoothly – Holly flashing her brilliant smile with firm handshakes to both Bill and Elaine, showing no signs of her earlier nervousness – Elaine started on her mandatory interrogation whenever any of her children brought their significant others home. But this interrogation, it was different than the rest. Normally she would’ve start off by asking about Holly’s age, place of birth, which schools did she go to, why forensic pathology, where do you see yourself in 10 years, that kind of stuff. But this time it was different. Elaine already did her homework on the brunette and it was so much easier since Holly was working for the Toronto police.

Halfway into Bill’s famous homemade casserole, Elaine reached for her glass of wine and Gail knew her mother was about to speak.

“I know all about your degrees, accolades and the books you’ve written. You’re quite an established doctor at such a young age,”

They should be taken aback by Elaine’s admission, but Gail already prepared Holly for this. She knew there was a possibility of her mother doing some digging. Gail smirked at her mother’s words, she knew Elaine would be impressed by Holly’s achievements, but the smirk was gone as quickly as it first appeared.

“But how can I trust that you’ll not leave Gail again?”

Elaine could feel everyone at the table froze, Holly’s body tensing, her eyes wide. Satisfied with the reaction she’d gotten, Elaine brought the glass to her lips. Sometimes it may not look like Elaine loved her children, that she only cared about their careers and making sure they wouldn’t disgrace the Peck name. Yes, all of it was true, but she also cared deeply about their well-being and happiness too, no matter how little it showed to Steve and Gail.

“I love her and I promise it’ll never happen again.” Holly straightened up and spoke as evenly as she could, even though deep inside she was trembling with fear and uncertainty.

“You say that now…” Elaine continued to sip on her wine.

When Holly failed to answer to that, her mouth shut tight, Gail tried to speak up for her girlfriend but failed miserably as Elaine brought her hand up to stop her daughter. Then she continued.

“I know you’re smart, Ms Stewart. So I’m sure there’s no need for me to show you our extensive gun collection in the study to prove my point, like I did with Mr Collins. If you ever break my little girl’s heart again, I’ll make sure the only work you’ll get to do is scrubbing of floors at the hospital.”

Holly gulped visibly at Elaine’s words, at how cool she spoke them and at the slight curve of her lips as she tried to intimidate the brunette. Well, it was a success.

She knew she should stand up for herself, to stand up for Gail, but she decided to live to fight another day. She would never leave Gail and she had the rest of her life to prove it to Elaine. Of course, Holly did just that.

 “Yes, Superintendent Peck. I understand.” Nodded Holly.

“Just to be clear, if it were up to me, you’d never get your old job back. Poor Patrick and the forensics department have been short-staffed and you’re lucky we need all the help we can get.”

No one knew at the time, but that was just a tiny threat Elaine managed to squeeze in before dessert was served.

* * *

 

After dinner that night, both women were shocked at how the night turned out to be, including Steve and Traci. During the ride back to Holly’s new apartment, the brunette kept going on and on how much Elaine hated her. Gail had spent the whole night trying to make Holly feel better. At first the brunette declined Gail’s advances, but her resolve weakened the second Gail stepped out of her clothes showing off her matching set of navy blue lace lingerie.

The following day, Gail woke up to a still sleeping Holly, completely dead to the world. Usually this time Holly would be up starting off her day in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, but the amount of alcohol she consumed the previous night and the blonde’s unrelenting efforts to deliver one orgasm after another left her completely exhausted.

Gail made her way to the kitchen in just her underwear to make some coffee for herself and her sleeping girlfriend. When Holly passed out after her fourth orgasm, Gail laid awake next to the tanned body, thinking about the night that transpired earlier. She should’ve seen it coming after the way her mother treated Nick the second time she brought him home. Elaine was immediately unimpressed and disappointed in Gail for getting back together with Nick. Gail thought that her breakup with Holly would be a non-issue when comparing the brunette with Nick. Holly might look like an actual angel compared to him. Gail felt bad for putting Holly through Elaine’s cutting words.

Just as Gail was about to reach the door of Holly’s bedroom, the freshly brewed cup of coffee in one hand, the doorbell rang. Gail groaned softly and turned back towards the stairs and down to the kitchen to place the cup down. The doorbell rang again as Gail rounded the coffee table in the living room to grab one of Holly’s hoodie that was lying on the sofa. Doorbell again. Fucking hell, it must be one of Holly’s friends. They drop by frequently to check on Holly and to hang out with her. It was probably Boob Job.

Lisa and Gail made nice right after she and Holly got back together. Holly promised Gail that after spending some time with Lisa, she would realize that Lisa wasn’t actually that _big_ of a bitch, she was just looking out for her best friend, that’s all. And Gail understood. She might not agree with Lisa’s way of protecting her friends, but Gail knew if something bad happens to one of her friends, having Lisa in your corner would be a good thing. Lisa’s ability to withstand and reciprocate snide remarks scored points with Gail too. But the nickname was staying.

Gail barely had time to zip up the hoodie when the doorbell rang for the third time. She jogged to the door and swung it open, ready to scream at Boob Job for her impatience.

“What the fuck Boob Job, can’t you wait–”

Gail’s hand quickly covered her mouth at the sight of two very confused looking people who looked like Holly’s parents. She remembered the tall man with grey hair and the slightly shorter woman with long dark hair just like Holly’s in one of the photos she had showed her when they first began dating.

“Oh, hello. You must be Gail. I’m Holly’s mom, Angie.” The woman broke out into a bright smile and extended a hand for Gail to shake. It reminded her of Holly.

“Uh, y-yes. Nice to meet you, Mrs Stewart.”

“And I’m Thomas,” Holly’s father spoke, confusion still evident on his face.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr Stewart.”

They shook hands and stood in awkward silence before Gail finally broke out of her shock. She looked down and immediately blushed as she quickly attempted to zip up the hoodie, fumbling with the zip. After a few tries, Gail’s trembling fingers still couldn’t work the zip and Angie decided to end Gail’s suffering before her head explodes in embarrassment.

“Here, let me help, dear.” Angie stepped forward and moved pale fingers away to zip up the hoodie.

“T-thanks.” Gail smiled nervously and moved aside. “Please come in, I’ll go get Holly.”

When Angie and Thomas walked further into the apartment in front of Gail, the blonde silently cursed herself for being such a mess in front of her girlfriend’s parents. Holly then showed up, hopping down the stairs fully clothed with an amused look on her face at the sight in front of her. She heard Gail muttered something about going up to the bedroom for some pants and disappearing quickly from the living room.

Gail was sure Holly’s parents must dislike her now and she wished she could stay in the room forever, or at least till her parents were gone. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Gail put on a pair of pants, took off the hoodie to slip on her bra and a t-shirt and then putting on the hoodie again, just in case.

Gail honestly thought she had made the worst first impression ever, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. When she finally came back down, Angie and Thomas welcomed her back with open arms even though she didn’t do hugs. Gail was completely at a loss for words at the sudden turn of events, as Angie started going into the kitchen to whip up some breakfast and Thomas plopping down on the sofa to watch the highlights from yesterday’s hockey game.

Holly just strolled to her obviously confused girlfriend and wrapped her up in a tight hug, telling her to relax and everything was going to be fine.

By the time Angie and Thomas walked out of Holly’s apartment that late afternoon, it was with promises of Gail meeting Angie at the gun range one day to see who the better shooter was and scheduling a dinner date for the four of them at Gail and Thomas’s favourite restaurant.

So if you’d ask them about the time they first met each other’s parents, you’d probably be surprised that Elaine didn’t love Holly right off the bat and Holly’s parents absolutely loved Gail the moment she opened the door with no pants on.

And when both Gail and Holly’s parents shared their side of the story at the wedding, you’d laugh your ass off too.


	3. Halloween

As much as Gail would love to stay home and have a movie marathon with Holly on her much deserved day off which happened to be on Halloween, her girlfriend had other plans. Every year, Lisa throws a massive Halloween party for ‘200 of her closest friends’ and this year was no exception. Lisa had booked an entire club for her Halloween tradition and Holly was not going to miss it. She loved Halloween and dressing up.

After much persuading in bed, Gail agreed to go on one condition. That they switch roles for their costumes, Gail would go as a doctor and Holly a police officer. They decided to keep their costumes away from each other and work on it individually till the actual day to keep up an air of mystery and suspense.

And nothing could’ve prepared Gail for the sight of Officer Stewart.

The brunette, clad in the black ensemble, looked absolutely gorgeous and sexy. From the knee high boots and tight pants that fitted her like a glove to the loosely buttoned shirt – with iron-on badges on her upper arm and chest – tied up in a knot just above her belly button, Holly looked incredibly amazing. To top it all off, with the police hat and fake handcuffs, Officer Stewart was welcomed to arrest Gail anytime.

Gail on the other hand, didn’t look anywhere as hot and sexy as the brunette. With the scrubs she borrowed from Holly during her med school days, a stethoscope hanging around her neck, a lab coat that was smeared with fake blood and a bloody severed hand peeking out from its pocket. Holly loved it nonetheless.

They almost didn’t make it to the party as Gail attempted to strip Holly off of her costume by the front door. She pouted when the brunette stopped her hand from traveling further south, but Holly promised to conduct a thorough body search once they returned from the party.

So here Gail was, stuck at the bar waiting for her drinks to arrive, probably surrounded by snobs and hot shot rich people as Holly went to the washroom. But she got to admit, she was kind of enjoying herself, observing people and silently judging their costume choices.

And Lisa’s? The highlight of the night was four incredibly muscled men carrying her Cleopatra ass that was on a golden chaise into the club and putting her down on the stage to get the party started. Lisa’s egoistic personality and pompous acts never fail to amaze Gail.

As she waited patiently for the bartender to bring her the two shots of tequila she ordered ages ago, she felt someone standing closely next to her. Thinking it was Holly, the blonde turned around to face her girlfriend with a grin on her face only to be met with a stranger in a slutty nurse costume, barely covering her bits. It was freezing in the club but it doesn’t seem to bother the woman. The smile immediately dropped from her face and Gail moved a few inches away from the slutty nurse.

The slutty nurse, however, closed the gap and Gail tried to resist the urge to elbow the woman in the guts.

“You’re such a hot doctor, even with a severed hand in your pocket.”

“Go away.”

“I think we’d make a great team, Dr Hotpants.”

As the slutty nurse spoke, the bartender finally placed two tequila shots in front of her and she quickly downed both shots even though the other was meant for Holly. She needed more alcohol in order to survive Slutty Nurse’s flirtations. Gail quickly glanced over her shoulder towards the direction of the washroom. Was Holly stuck in the toilet bowl? Geez.

“Go away.” Damn it, this women just couldn’t take a hint.

“Why don’t we go back to my place,” Slutty Nurse started to trail a finger up Gail’s hand, but the blonde was quick to pull it away. “and I’ll make sure to handle all your _instruments_ with care.”

Gail rolled her eyes, insults ready to roll off her tongue just as Holly pushed Slutty Nurse away to stand in-between the both of them.

“Get the fuck away from my girlfriend, Megan. I know a hundred different kind of ways to get rid of bodies and dispose of evidence, you know that right?”

Gail couldn’t see Holly’s face as she was standing behind the brunette, but she knew from the anger in her voice and words that Slutty Nurse Megan definitely got the message and hurriedly walked away from them.

If Nick, Chris or any of her past boyfriends did that, she would be upset and turned off by their attempts of chivalry. She’s strong enough to take care of herself, thank you very much. But Holly, when Holly was the one standing up for her, Gail loved it. Normally calm and collected Holly turning into jealous and protective Holly was one of Gail’s favourite versions of her girlfriend.

Gail remembered the first time the green eyed monster emerged from Holly. It was at the Penny when a man was hitting on Gail and got upset when she declined his offer to buy her a drink. Holly almost jumped across the table, knocking down a few chairs on her way to the bar to get to Gail. She remembered the brunette putting herself in the middle of Gail and the tall man, like she had just now, warning him to stay away from her girlfriend. The man then insulted both women, calling them ‘fucking dykes’ and Holly a bitch. It took Gail, Oliver and Steve to physically restraint Holly from jumping the guy. Thankfully, no one was hurt and the man left the Penny with both hands up in the air.

After that, Holly never left Gail’s side. Later that night, she spent hours claiming Gail as her own and it was probably the best sex Gail ever had in her entire life.

“Are you okay?” Holly rested a hand on Gail’s shoulder, concern evident in her brown eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Gail smiled reassuringly in return.

Then the name Megan rang a bell. “That was Megan, as in _the_ Megan who slept with your ex-girlfriend?”

Holly exhaled a sigh, a frown slowly appearing on her face. “Yeah. I didn’t know she would be here.”

Gail closed the remaining gap between them and pressed her lips on Holly’s. The kiss was meant to be reassuring and comforting. Gail rested her forehead against the brunette’s for a few seconds before pulling away. She placed a hand on Holly’s cheek and looked at her girlfriend.

“Shouting, making threats, clenched jaw, wide eyes, flaring of nostrils. Clearly signs of anger.” Gail grinned cheekily. Holly couldn’t help but smile in return too.

“Yeah, so what do you advice, doctor?”

Gail pulled Holly flushed against her own body, lips close to the brunette’s ear. “I would suggest plenty of bed rest, under my care of course. Preferably naked. Doctor’s orders.”


	4. Birthday

Gail wakes up alone in the apartment with Dov spending the night at Chloe’s and Chris is probably on his way back from his night shift. She goes about her daily routine, showering, getting dressed and making some breakfast before heading into the station.

But today, today is different. Today Gail wakes with a smile on her face without hitting the snooze button even once and by the time she makes it to the kitchen, she has plenty of time to spare. So she takes her time sipping on some coffee and revel in this particularly rare moment of quietness.

She’ll go to work and act as if today’s not a big deal. She’ll go about her own business and bark at her friends and colleagues to do the same too. But secretly, she loves today. Today is her day and she’ll celebrate it like she always does ever since working at 15. She’ll have a drink or seven at the Penny and then scowl, act irritated and mutter thank yous when her friends give her their well wishes and presents, but deep down she’ll appreciate it.

What’s different about this time, is that Gail has a loving girlfriend, which adds positivity to this already awesome day. She has someone who loves her for her and someone she loves too. The down side is, her girlfriend is thousands of miles away. But Gail decides to focus on the positive and to not mope around on such a special day. There will be more days like today to spend with one another in the future. Another year and she’ll be back for good.

While shoving a mouthful of cereal down, Gail hears the knocking of the door and leaps out of the chair to open it. A courier is standing by the door with a wide smile on his face, greeting her a good morning and handing her a small package with her name on it.

With the package in hand, Gail walks back to the dining table to inspect the box. One look at the writing of Gail’s name and address on it and she knows it’s from Holly. She gingerly tears the wrapping paper and reveals a blue gift box and a note on top of it. Gail’s grin grew about 10 times wider, if that’s possible.

She takes the note and unfolds the piece of paper. She heart warms at Holly’s messy handwriting.

_Gail,_

_Happy birthday my love, I hope this gets to you on time. I’m deeply sorry I can’t spend this special day with you, but know that you’ll always be in my heart and I’ll always be thinking of you._

_I know you try very hard to act all cool and unexcited about birthdays, but I know you secretly love it. So I hope you’ll have an amazing birthday with your family and friends. I’ll be back before you know it._

_I love you,_

_Lunchbox_

_P.S. I hope you’ll like my gift._

With a watery grin, Gail placed the note on the table and opened the lid of the box. Her breath catches in her throat at the beautiful piece in front of her.

It’s a stainless steel Smith & Wesson revolver with a wooden grip. Gail took it out of the box and gripped it firmly in her hand, examining this fine piece of work. It must’ve cost a fortune! Gail’s suddenly excited to try this beauty out at the gun range on her next day off.

Noticing the time on the wall clock, Gail finishes her breakfast and went to her bedroom to keep the gun in her dresser. After sending Holly a lovely text about the gift, Gail’s off to work with a huge smile on her face.

-

Gail walks into the Penny, not at all surprised by the amount of officers from 15 yelling ‘Surprise!’ in her face. During work, Andy and Chris had been dropping not so subtle hints of a surprise party after work at the Penny. Instead of calling them out, Gail just goes with the flow and put in a bit of effort to smile and look surprised.

Making her way through the crowd that’s yelling their wishes at her and shoving shot after shot in her hands, she spots a familiar brunette standing by the side near the bar. Her fake smile is immediately taken over by a genuine look of surprise and shock.

Gail walks up to her girlfriend, who’s smiling that lopsided smile and quickly pulls the brunette into a tight hug.

“Hi.” Holly whispers into the blonde’s ear.

Gail pulls back, tears threatening to fall from her blue eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you read my note? I told you I’ll be back before you know it.” The brunette smirked.

“How long?”

“Five days.”

Gail hugs Holly again, tighter than the last. She’s missed her girlfriend so, so much. “Happy birthday, Gail.”

Choking back her tears, Gail spoke in a shaky voice. “Best birthday present _ever_.”


	5. Best Versions

You lied to Gail and told her that you had to go to the bank, and you did, but it wasn’t anything you can’t deal with just by a click of your mouse over the computer. You just had to get out of the apartment, away from those walls that Gail so stubbornly refused to get some fresh air and sunlight for. The pit stop at the bar down the street of your shared apartment was an unexpected yet necessary one.

You play with your ring as the bartender pours you a second drink. Memories of your engagement floods your mind. You relive the feeling of your heart threatening to beat out of your chest and the lump forming in your throat as you replay the moment Gail, your _fiancée_ , took the small velvet box out of her pocket and in front of your face.

You’re pretty sure that day was the best day of your life, both of you the best versions of yourselves, happy, healthy and very much in love. Well, you still are, but it’s different now. You’re different, and Gail, Gail’s most definitely different than she used to be. The beautiful, confident and snarky blonde cop you were supposed to marry was no longer confident and snarky.

You’re different now. You’re different than the Holly that was planning for her dream wedding. You’re different the moment you received the phone call from Oliver. And you don’t want to know what if the third time Gail crashed and she hadn’t come back to you, how much more different things would be.

You down your second glass of whiskey to wash away those thoughts, the thoughts that are keeping you up at night. You’re not sure when’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep. You look down at your watch before you order a third drink and guilt immediately washes over you at how much time has passed. What if Gail needs help going to the bathroom? Or to get a glass of water? So you place some cash next to your empty glass and quickly make your way back to the apartment.

When you open the door and take a step into the hallway, the sound of the TV playing softly in the living room and the glow from the lamp by the sofa reminds you of the times you’ve come home after work to find Gail’s feet dangling off the arm of the sofa, watching TV while waiting for you to be home. The slight smile from your face drops when you realizes Gail’s socked feet aren’t hanging off of the sofa.

Maybe it’s the alcohol. But after taking a few more steps toward the living room, you’re caught off guard, breath catching in your throat by the sight of frail and lean Gail hunched in her wheelchair, head turning away from the TV to face you.

It’s been a two weeks since Gail’s been discharged from the hospital and two months since the car accident happened, but you’re still not used to seeing Gail like this. You’re not sure you’ll ever get used to it.

“Hey. What took you so long? Was the bank crowded?”

You don’t want to lie to her, but the only word that manage to come out is “Yeah.”

“I missed you.”

Normally your heart would melt when Gail tells you she misses you. The longing in her eyes as she looks into your’s, the contentment in her voice as she speaks those words. But now her eyes are filled with fear, her lips trembling and her voice shaky.

Your heart breaks for the millionth time, but you try not to let your face betray your emotions.

“I missed you too. You need anything?” You say it softly, eyes unable to meet hers for a moment.

She brings her arm out, palm facing upwards and fingers trembling slightly, reaching for you. “Come here.” Her words sounding like a sincere plea.

You swallow hard and stay rooted to the ground. You haven’t moved an inch from where you’re standing since you first saw her. “Let me take a shower first.”

You move towards the master bedroom, but stops at the faint voice calling out for you. “Please, Hol.”

Gail’s looking up at you with brows furrowed and watery blue eyes wide with sadness and you simply can’t say no to her. You sigh and walk towards her, rounding the wheelchair to sit on the sofa next to her. She takes both your hands in hers and run her thumbs across your knuckles soothingly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You sigh again, taking comfort in her touch and in her loving words. A single tear trickle down your right cheek, then another, and before you know it you’re sobbing like you haven’t since the time Gail was in the ICU.

She lets you cry it out, hands still clinging tightly to yours and waits for you to calm down before speaking. And when she speaks, it’s the tone that scares you first, then the words.

“You don’t have to do this.”

You look up and Gail’s looking at you with steel blue eyes and a cool look. Her defensive walls coming up so many times since she’s been home that you’ve lost count. The vulnerability and fear from earlier gone from her features.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to stay. You can leave.”

“What? No!” You’re shocked, and you look at her with wide eyes.

“I’m not blind, Holly. I know I’m not easy to deal with. I know this has been hard on you. Your life cannot be on hold because I can’t walk and look after myself. You can go, I won’t stop you. I can’t, not really, anyway.” Hands pull away to grip tightly on the armrests of her wheelchair.

Gail’s been very temperamental ever since coming back home. Sometimes she’ll get upset and lay it on you or shut herself out for a few hours in the bedroom. You know this isn’t her fault and you don’t blame her for acting this way, but sometimes it’s a lot to handle and you, too, wants to scream and lash out. And times like this, Gail just needs a little reassurance and support.

“Yes, you’re not easy to deal with, but this is difficult for you and I understand. I really do. And I’m not putting my life on hold, Gail. _You_ are _my_ life and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here with you.” You reach for her hands again, relief that rather than pulling away and ignoring you like the last time the two of you fought, Gail reciprocates by squeezing your hands in return. “Please know that.”

Gail nods, you can almost see her impenetrable walls coming down but she keeps quiet and you continue. “Lastly, you can’t walk _yet_ , you just need time for recovery and physiotherapy to regain the strength in your legs.”

“But I can never be a cop again.” This time, it’s Gail who cries and you’re quick to wipe off the fallen tears.

She’s right. Even if Gail eventually gets out of the wheelchair and onto her own two feet, chances are it’ll be with the aid of a walking stick and sporting a limp. You want to tell her that that’s not true, that the blue runs deep in her veins no matter what, and that she could return to the force as a white shirt like her mother, but everyone knows that’s the last thing Gail wants. Gail belongs on the front line and on the streets.

“You can open a restaurant with your famous cheese puffs recipes.” That earns a teary laugh from Gail. You smile because it’s been long since the last time you heard that laugh you love so much.

“Yeah, I don’t think there are lots of people who’re as crazy about cheese puffs as I am. Though they should be.”

When the laughter dies down and the sombre mood returns, you want to do or say something before the both of you suffocate in the quietness. You love her smiles and laughter and you wish to see it more often from now on.

“Listen to me. You are going to get better, you are going to get out of this wheelchair and after that I don’t care if you’d wish to stay home and eat cheese puffs all day. I want to see you walk down the aisle and I want to marry you. Nothing’s going to change that, okay?”

Gail nods, and you see a lovely smile appearing on her face again. “Okay.”

You meant every word you said, and to know that the two of you are on the same page is enough for now. The road to recovery will be a long and painful one, but Gail’s the strongest person you’ve ever known. She has been through a ton and you’re certain she can get through this too. And when those days where she’s losing hope – you’re sure those days will come – you’ll be there to make sure she won’t.

Today, today you’ll hold onto each other tight, whispering your affections and promises to one another. And tomorrow will be a new day, a new beginning where the both of you will be the best versions of yourselves again.


	6. Popcorn

“Hurry up, the movie’s about to start!” Holly called out from the sofa in the living room just as Gail poured the popcorn into a bowl.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming! It’s not like we haven’t watched this a thousand times, geez.”

Gail walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her girlfriend, shoulders and knees touching, with the bowl in the middle of her lap. Gail loved movie date nights in the comfort of Holly’s home, and more importantly, on Holly’s super comfy sofa. This time it was the brunette’s turn to choose the movie and of course she chose Stars Wars.

Holly had a crush on Princess Leia ever since she was old enough to watch the movies. Holly claimed it was love at first sight. And Gail doesn’t care if they’ve watched it a million times. She would be fine with sitting next to Holly for a couple of hours and watching her instead of paying attention to the movie.

That was something Gail did a lot, staring. Staring at people. Staring at blank spaces. Walls. You name it. Gail’s friends and family would say that she should kick this habit, but Holly, Holly knew it was more than that. The hamster wheel in Gail’s brain was always spinning, it might be nothing of significance or something incredibly important. Like food. Or solving cases. And Holly didn’t mind it at all.

She would be more than happy to stare at Holly, observe the way her lips turn up into Gail’s favourite lopsided smile, the way her nose scrunches up at times, the frowning of her brows while concentrating on something and the sparkle in her warm chocolate brown eyes behind those glasses. To revel in the closeness with her girlfriend, to remind her of the beauty that is Holly Stewart and to feel the love she felt for the brunette increase and threaten to spill out of her chest. That was what looking at Holly did to her.

Of course, Gail hadn’t told Holly of her blossoming feelings.

Gail was so into it that she almost didn’t catch Holly’s arm reaching into the bowl that was on her lap, but she did.

Her gaze followed the hand that was grabbing a handful of popcorn, then retreating back to her side and munching on the snack while engrossed in the movie. Gail watched her pop the popcorn into her mouth one by one and Holly was oblivious to the blonde’s intense staring.

By the time Holly helped herself to a second handful of the blonde’s popcorn, Gail couldn’t fathom what was happening. More like what _wasn’t_ happening. If it were other people, Gail would’ve slapped her hand away and glare at her. But Holly wasn’t other people. Holly was far more than that.

But she still couldn’t let Holly get away with it.

“Get your own popcorn.”

“I just want some.” Holly shrugged, eyes still glued to the screen as her hand gathered another handful.

Normally, Holly would make her own snacks, it could be popcorn or some healthy nuts and fruits. Sometimes, she would sit through a movie or two without any snacks at all. This time she just felt like having some of Gail’s popcorn.

Gail just sat there motionless, watching Holly finish the last of her third helping of popcorn and reciting a scene along with Princess Leia. Before her brain caught up with her mouth, the words that rolled off of her tongue were smoother than butter.

“I love you.”

Gail had been thinking about it for some time, wanting to be sure of her feelings before admitting them, but nothing beats saying it for the first time. Gail truly believed those words the second it came out.

Holly’s head whipped to the side to face Gail, eyes wide and the silence between them was deafening. Gail thought her heart would explode and splatter all over the living room as every second passed with Holly sitting next to her, dumbstruck and no response.

Then, between the sounds of R2D2 speaking its droid language in the background and the loud beating of Gail’s heart, the brightest of smiles appeared on Holly’s face as the brunette finally responded, saving Gail from her embarrassment and the blush on her face to turn even redder than possible.

“I love you, too.” Brown eyes shining with adoration.

Before Holly knew what was happening, Gail had already put the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, switched the TV off and pulled her by her t-shirt into a fiery kiss.

Gail had finally learnt how to share popcorn.

With the right person, of course.


	7. Attention

When the latest instalment of Holly’s favourite fantasy book series finally arrived after years of waiting, Holly strode to the bookstore down the street from her apartment in excitement.

So imagine Gail’s surprise when Holly returned home an hour later empty-handed with a sad puppy look on her face.

Apparently, her girlfriend went to a few more bookstores to try her luck but gave up after the sixth try. Holly rarely sulks, but when she does, Gail thought it was the most adorable thing she had ever seen. Man, there must be a lot of nerds in Toronto if those books were sold out within hours upon its release.

Gail – trying to score some major girlfriend points and because her lifelong mission is to make her girlfriend happy – called up her cousin Amy, whom the last time she checked was working part-time at a bookstore while she was still in college. When Cousin Amy confirmed that she was still working there, Gail asked her for a favour to hold onto that book when the new stock comes in. Cousin Amy was hesitant at first, because it was against the rules to withhold stock from the customers.

But after Gail explained how her girlfriend was swamped with the triple murders case that was all over the news and hard at work helping the police find the killer that she was too busy to pre-order the latest book from her favourite book series of all time, Cousin Amy relented. But instead of Gail coming over to the store to get it, she would pay for it first and they would meet somewhere else for Gail to repay her. Gail agreed, thanked her sweetly and told her she owed her one (which was settled when Cousin Amy got a speeding ticket shortly after and she helped to get rid of it).

A week later, Gail walked into their apartment with a wide grin on her face and the book in her hand. When Holly greeted her from the kitchen, she threw the book lightly on the counter and the look on Holly’s face was priceless. But the sex that followed after was even more priceless. Holly had expressed her gratitude multiple times, on multiple surfaces.

But that was the last time Gail got some and they would never go more than a couple of days without touching each other, unless Holly was out of town.

Ever since the morning after that fantastic night of sex, Holly’s hands and face had been glued to the book every chance she got and it was driving Gail crazy. Because quite frankly, the brunette’s hands and face should be somewhere else entirely. She was beginning to think maybe it was a mistake getting Holly that book.

It was one of those rare days when the both of them shared the same off day, and Gail was determined to make Holly look up from her book and pay attention to her own girlfriend. So she tried to make it as subtle as possible without making herself seem so desperate for sex.

Gail walked into their bedroom, plopped down onto the comfy bed and switched on the wall mounted TV with the volume on high. After a few minutes, Holly stood up and walked towards the living room, book still clutched firmly in her hands.

After an hour or so, Gail went into the living room looking for her girlfriend.

“I think I’m gonna go hang out with the boys back at the frat house.”

Sitting on the sofa with her back towards the blonde and face down into the book, Holly simply muttered “Sure honey, see you later then.”

Gail huffed, frustrated, but not willing to give up just yet. She lurked around the kitchen area for a while before taking a beer out of the fridge and walking towards the sofa to sit next to Holly.

This time, Holly looked up, but only for a second. “I thought you were going to meet the boys?”

Gail took a sip from her beer. “Yeah, I changed my mind.”

When there was no response, Gail tried again.

“Holly, I’m hungry.”

Holly simply muttered into her book. “There are some leftovers from last night. You can heat it up if you want.”

_Damn it._ Gail walked into the kitchen again, plotting her next move. While heating up some food using the microwave, an idea came to mind.

“Fire! Fire, Holly! Help!”

Holly barely looked up from the book, only raising her voice a little. “The fire extinguisher is in the kitchen cupboard by the door.”

She knew what her girlfriend was trying to do, so she tried not to react to Gail’s attempts to get her attention.

Gail had enough of Holly’s lack of attention towards her. It had been five days since they last had sex and Gail was determined to fuck and get fucked today. She strode into the living room and in front of Holly.

“Glad to know you’re so concerned about my wellbeing. I could’ve gotten hurt! Do you really wanna see this face all burnt and marred?” said Gail with both hands on her hips.

Holly smiled and pretended to focus on her reading, trying not to giggle at her girlfriend’s adorableness. “If there really was a fire, the smoke alarm would’ve went off.”

“Damn it, Holly.” Gail took the book out of Holly’s hands and threw it on the coffee table. She then proceeded to straddle the brunette, who was taken by surprise by their sudden intimate position.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Gail pulled her own top over her head and it landed on the floor. Holly swallowed visibly as Gail started to roll her hips toward her. When the blonde reached for Holly’s t-shirt, she wasn’t met with any resistance by her girlfriend.

Gail’s hands travelled from tanned shoulders to the neck and face. Lips merely an inch away from each other. “I want you to touch me. I want you to fuck me. Then once I’m satisfied, it’ll be my turn.”

Holly shook herself out of her lust-filled haze for a moment to smirk at the blonde. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

The book would have to wait.


	8. Never Want to Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after 5.03

It doesn’t matter whether or not they were simply ‘not talking’ or broken up, the moment Gail had found out about it, she knew she had to go be with her.

Standing in front of the house, Gail wondered if she were ever going to find out from the brunette herself if Rodney hadn’t come into 15 to drop off some files.

“Hey Officer Peck, I’m surprised to see you here.” Rodney was making his way into the detectives’ office when he saw the blonde officer typing away at her desk.

Gail frowned at that. “Uh, it’s my job. I’m paid to be here. What are _you_ doing here?”

“Just dropping off some files for Detective Nash on behalf of Dr. Stewart. The courier’s sick.” Rodney lifted the files that were in his hand slightly to show Gail.

Holly was dodging Gail just as Gail was dodging Holly. It wasn’t unexpected, but it hurt nonetheless. Gail remained silent, she couldn’t help the sudden tinge of sadness that was beginning to form in the pit of her stomach. She cleared her throat and went back to her typing, hoping her silence was a good enough reply for Rodney to leave her alone.

But the young doctor couldn’t seem to take the hint. “Work sucks, right? I’m sure you’d be there if you could. I would, too, but I have to be at the lab.” Gail looked up, Rodney’s words definitely piqued her interest.  Rodney continued, “I’ve sent flowers, but please let Dr. Stewart know I’m sorry for her loss. Mrs. Stewart will be missed by everybody at the lab.”

Apparently, Rodney had no idea she and Holly were ‘not talking’. It seemed word travels much slower within the forensics department. With a sympathetic smile, Rodney made his way towards the detectives’ office, leaving a wide-eyed Gail to her own thoughts.

 _Shit._ Gail felt a lump in her throat as she quickly fished out her phone from her pocket, pale fingers flew across the screen.

**_I heard. Where are you?_ **

She knew she shouldn’t assume her presence was needed after how they ended things, but at that moment, it wasn’t the time to beat around the bush. If Holly didn’t want her there, she would go back to her work. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus for the rest of her shift. What seemed like an hour really was just two extremely long minutes before her phone buzzed in her hand.

Holly did want her there.

Gail quickly got up and looked at the Staff Sergeant’s office. Oliver was in there having his late lunch, she jogged up the stairs and into the glass office. Oliver, as understanding as always, immediately gave Gail the rest of the day off. Gail’s gratitude was barely heard as she was already halfway out the door after getting Oliver’s approval. But he stopped her.

“Wait!”

Gail doubled back. “What is it?”

Oliver reached for his car keys and threw it at her. “Here. I know you don’t have a car. Don’t worry about returning it tonight, I’ll have Sam drop me off and I have tomorrow off.”

“Thank you, Oliver.” Gail smiled sincerely and for a second she almost wanted to round the desk to hug him. She would, but the whole precinct would see it.

“No problem, kiddo.” Oliver sat back down and continued with his lunch.

Within 15 minutes after leaving the station, Gail made it to the address given by Holly. The house was in a nice and quiet neighborhood in the city. Stepping onto the front porch, she could see people, drinks in one hand, talking and walking around through the windows. Gail took a deep breath before letting herself into the warm and welcoming home.

She had never been here, but she knew by the address that this was Holly’s childhood home. Holly once mentioned that she grew up in the area and her mom was still living here.

That had led to conversations about her parents. Gail knew Holly’s father died of a heart attack when she first got into university and from what she knew, Holly’s mother was a healthy and cheerful woman at the age of 63.

Gail glanced around in search of the brunette. In truth, she was terrified and nervous. She never had a boyfriend who’ve lost a loved one while they were together. Gail wasn’t sure if Holly could still be considered as her girlfriend given the circumstances, but it was close enough.

She hadn’t done this before. How should she act? What should she say? Was she supposed to cry? Or keep it light? When she finally laid eyes on Holly, would the brunette be a mess? Or would she put on brave face in front of everyone? Multiple scenarios flew through her mind on her drive over.

It looked to be a reception. It was a solemn occasion, of course, but there was a slightly more positive energy than a wake. Gail looked around, the brunette nowhere to be seen. So she ventured upstairs.

On the wall along the stairs were framed photos of the Stewart family. Festive occasions, birthdays and several Gail assumed to be of Holly as a toddler to a teenager. Gail smiled. From the photos, Mrs. Stewart looked beautiful. Gail now knew where Holly’s trademark smile came from. It was obvious that the Stewarts were a loving family. That Holly was loved.

Reaching the landing, Gail saw three closed doors and one opened, which led to the bathroom. Deciding to try her luck, she went for the door on the right side of the house. Upon knocking, Holly’s voice was heard at the other end of the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, Gail.” The blonde swallowed.

Within seconds, the door slowly opened, revealing the brunette with eyes cast downward. Gail stepped into what seemed like Holly’s old room and heard the door close and lock behind her.

Rooted to the ground, Gail watched as Holly walked past her towards the bed and sitting down.

“How did you find out?”

Holly sounded calm and not at all like someone who lost her mother. Gail didn’t know what to make of it, but decided to go with the flow. Gail had questions, but that would have to wait for a better time.

“Rodney came by to 15 to deliver some files,” Gail shrugged. “He told me to tell you he’s for your loss and Mrs. Stewart will be missed by everybody at the lab.”

Holly chuckled softly at that. “Mom used to drop by at work every now and then with homemade cookies. Rodney loved them.”

The pleasant silence that took over the room lasted less than a minute before the sound of Holly taking in a shaky breath echoed loudly in the room and into Gail’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Hol.”

The brunette returned with a weak smile, not trusting her ability to form steady words right now, not with Gail standing within a few feet from her. When Holly received Gail’s text, she wasn’t sure what to feel. By the time of the reception and Gail’s message, she was numb by everything she had been feeling ever since the news of her mother’s death. She might have shed some tears, but truth be told, Holly was trying to keep it together. But now with Gail in front of her, those feelings were back tenfold. And before she knew it, her shoulders were shaking, loud choking sobs were rising from her throat and tears were beginning to flow freely down her cheeks.

She couldn’t see through her tears, but she felt warm arms enveloping her into a tight hug. Fingers threading through her hair. Whispers of comfort into her ears.

Gail’s heart broke for the woman crying in her arms. Tears were rolling down her cheeks silently as she tried her best to soothe the brunette’s unbearable pain.

All Gail could do was whisper “I’m sorry” over and over into dark brown hair and hold on tight, never wanting to let go like she did that many weeks ago.


	9. Golly Songfic Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Golly Songfic challenge on tumblr - shuffle current playlist, pick the first 5 songs that comes up and write a 100-500 words fic based on each song.

**A Little Death – The Neighbourhood (Rated M)**

_Touch me, yeah_  
I want you to touch me there  
Make me feel like I am breathing  
Feel like I am human, again

It wasn't gentle or relaxed, neither was it quiet and tender. It was loud explosions, and quick eruptions and amazing, colourful fireworks. You knew this wasn't the place for it, but you couldn't wait for her touches and the lust-filled hunger the both of you were feeling easily drowned out the incessant knocking on the door.

She didn't even give you the chance to undress her so you could feel her tanned, smooth skin against yours. Once the door was locked, your clothes were stripped off at lightning speed but you weren't complaining either.

A strong arm pinned your wrists over your head, while the other sneaked between the both of your hot and tense bodies to where you yearned to be touched most. You heard a low growl from her and you could basically feel the wetness pooling in your aching core.

The only piece of clothing left on your body was the thin, and incredibly wet fabric which did nothing to cover the evidence of your desire for her.

But there was no time to waste and all the time in the world.

Using her knee to spead your legs apart, she flicked the offending fabric to the side and pushed into you, and even though your eyes were closed amidst the delicious intrusion of her fingers, you were confident she was wearing that smirk of hers as she felt how wet you were for her. You tried to stop the stream of curses everytime she thrusts into you hard and just right, but failing miserably so.

Then she closed the remaining distance between the two of you and breathed warm shuddering breaths onto your sensitive neck. At that moment, you thought you would be gone, but when her tongue and teeth made contact with your rapidly pounding pulse point and with a hard thrust and a flick of her thumb, euphoric screams came out of your throat on its own and you clutched onto her as tight as humanly possible.

She held you up against the wall as you began to slip into unconsciousness, peppering your face with soft kisses and whisperings of affection. But at the same time, you had never felt as alive as you were in that second right before darkness and fatigue took over your mind and spent body.

* * *

**Young Blood – The Naked and Famous**

_We're only young and naive still_  
We require certain skills  
The mood it changes like the wind  
Hard to control when it begins

Sometimes you think back to the time when the both of you first started dating, and you'd shake your head and smile at your actions and hers. How young and stupid you both were, how the concept of being madly in love was such a foreign matter, even for the seasoned lesbian at the time. Granted, everything was moving too fast and too soon for you and Holly to grasp and before you know it, you ran at the first sign of trouble and didn't look back till it was too late.

The two of you dived head first into this undefined, yet intense relationship with unmentioned hopes and expectations. When you finally learned and understood the importance of communication is key, it was a lesson you paid a hefty price to learn.

You prayed to the Gods you've never really believed in that when you're finally given a second chance to make this right with the woman you love, you'd take it in a heartbeat.

But for now, you'll let it go. You'll let her go.

Because you believe when the final chapter of the book comes to an end, she and you will fall back in love eventually.

* * *

**Royals - Lorde**

_And we'll never be royals_  
It don't run in our blood  
That kind of lux just ain't for us  
We crave a different kind of buzz  
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Queen Bee  
And baby I'll rule (I'll rule I'll rule I'll rule)  
Let me live that fantasy

The longer your relationship with Holly continues to flourish, the more certain you become about one thing – you're going to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her. You never knew how much you liked domesticity until you guys found a comfortable rhythm in your lives. Date nights and stay home Sundays and breakfast in beds. But the one thing you're even more certain about marrying Holly, is living a life without the white shirt politics and Elaine Peck's mandatory guide to success (of being a cold, allergic to happiness woman, or whatever you want to call it).

Before Holly, you only had one goal. To please your mother and do whatever she says. Go to Police Academy, check. Graduate top of your class, check. Become a cop, check. Sit up straight, check. Call your hairstylist to set up an appointment because your roots are showing, check.

Then Holly came strolling into your crime scene (or hers depending on who you ask) and the perspective you had on your pathetic life changed dramatically and you wouldn't have it any other way. Holly showed you how to be content and satisfied with the smaller things in life, and to not take them for granted. To be open and free, yet modest and extraordinary. She's taught you that vulnerability isn't always a bad thing.

So now, if your mother asks you to do things her way, the answer is clear as day: no.

Go to dinners to rub shoulders with fellow white shirts, no. Make friends and connections with higher ups, nope. Stop wearing those hideous leather jackets and ripped jeans and combat boots, fuck no. Become a white shirt like her parents, no fucking way.

Now all you want to do is marry Holly, buy and live in a quaint little house with Holly and maybe, possibly, have disgustingly cute babies with Holly. You don't want to be a white shirt, buy a mansion and host exclusive dinner parties like your parents. You don't want to go to your monthly golfing sessions with the city's politicians. You don't want to be on TV and the papers. You don't crave that life and you never will.

You just want a perfectly normal and happy life with Holly Stewart.

* * *

**Safe House – The Boxer Rebellion**

_Eyes wide open_  
Up in front me, see the world as though I'd never seen her before  
And I scream aloud that I've found my home  
That I won't be lonely anymore

You're staring at the slumbering beauty next to you, eyes scanning her perfectly sculpted features, traveling down her long neck and bare chest to her toned stomach right before the rest of her body remain hidden underneath the sheets. Then you look at her hand, at the ring that's sparkling in the darkness of the room on your wedding night.

And she's never looked more beautiful than she does now, with her dark tousled hair and plump parted lips and the gentle rise and falls of her chest.

It was late when the party finally ended and the alcohol stopped flowing, the two of you completely drained and ready to crash once you reach the bed. But as she held your hand and walk you to your suite, your initial exhaustion was overtook by desire, by how much you wanted to devour your newly wedded wife.

_Wife._

You bring your own hand up to inspect your ring. You smile at that and you're certain if you smile any harder, your face is going to break.

Not for the first time since this morning – since the brunette said yes, actually – your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest. You're filled to the brim with so much contentment, satisfaction and gratefulness that you're sure anymore feelings and it might all topple over and you'd become a melted puddle of ooey-gooey mess.

You wish to wake your beautiful love and run out of the hotel room with her in tow, to let the whole world know that this amazing woman is yours and you're hers. But you'll settle for doing a victory dance in your head and try to squash down these crazy thoughts at 4am.

Three years ago if someone were to ask if you believed in marriage and being in love, you would've scoffed at their face, because if Gail Peck wasn't girlfriend material, what makes you think she would be capable of love and worthy of being somebody's wife?

Well, she is now.

* * *

**Day Too Soon – Sia**

_Now I've been running all my life_  
I ran away, I ran away from good  
Yeah, I've been waiting all my life  
You're not a day, you're not a day too soon

She's back. She's back for good.

You've been dreaming of this day ever since she left for San Francisco. You've dreamt about this, fantasized about your epic reunion. You've told yourself if she's ever coming back, coming _to you_ , you'd never run away from the most amazing person you've ever met again.

Now that she's actually here, you can't quite believe it. Her bags are on the ground by your door and she's standing right in front of you, staring back into your own eyes. She looks tired, but still devastatingly beautiful. Your heart clench as you're having trouble forming words.

Then you see tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall but you're still trying to get rid of the lump that has formed in your throat.

"I love you."

You're not sure who said it, but you know the both of you meant it.

Then you finally take that one step that was needed to close the gap between the both of you and envelop her into a crushing hug. She's whispering 'I'm sorry' and 'I've made a huge mistake' as you breathe in the familiar scent that is so distinctly _her_ , and tears spill down your cheeks at how much you've missed it, missed _her_.

She told you not to wait for her but you knew you were going to do it anyways, because she's worth the wait. Your friends and family told you not to wait for her, but you do it anyways, because there's no one else for you but her, and you know it deep in your bones, in your guts.

Just like how you know she'll come back to you, not a day late, not a day soon.


	10. New Year's Eve

Instead of being at a fancy party drinking expensive champagne with her beautiful girlfriend, Holly was stuck at the morgue. For the first time in probably forever, she was feeling pretty upset about doing her job.

Ever since the day Holly Stewart met Gail Peck, her world had been turned upside down. The once workaholic and career-driven – still true till this day, but not as much as it used to be anymore – doctor had been reduced to a smitten and lovesick puppy in a span of almost a year. And she wouldn’t change a thing.

As an effort to be a lovely boss and as a kind gesture to her colleagues, Holly decided to take up the job of being the on-call forensic pathologist for the rest of the night, while everyone else was free to go party and enjoy their night.

Who knew, being the responsible one gets you messy disassembled body parts which would take hours of putting it back as close to one piece as she could to examine it and find out the cause and time of death. Why couldn’t the killer chop them up _after_ New Year? She wanted to go to the party, sneak into Gail’s old bedroom and have their own little private countdown party on the balcony, damn it. The only consolation was that Steve was in charge of the case, which meant he would be celebrating the New Year without his girlfriend, too.

Of course, when she had to tell Gail about the high chance of missing the party, the blonde shot her a disapproving look and a few harmless jabs about abandoning her with her mom and dozens of white shirts and civil servants on New Year’s Eve. It was bad enough that her brother had to miss it because of the case. But Holly, too? Worst New Year’s Eve party _ever_.

Gail contemplated giving it a miss too, or sneaking out early to accompany Holly at the morgue or assist Steve at the precinct, maybe even calling up her friends, anywhere but the Peck party. So imagine Gail’s surprise when Elaine actually gave her the OK to leave the party, but not without making a scene out of it too.

Holly heard soft knocks by the door and without putting her tools down, she looked over and was utterly stunned by her girlfriend’s presence.

“Hey, beautiful.” Gail was leaning by the door frame trying to look undisturbed by the scene in front of her. Holly with blood all over her gloved hands and disgusting body parts on the table.

“Gail, what are you doing here?” Holly put down her tools, removed her gloves and walked over to the blonde with a wide smile on her face. What a pleasant surprise. _Wow._ Gail was in a form fitting maroon dress and her favourite leather jacket. She looked incredibly gorgeous and not for the first time that evening, Holly was feeling a little sad about missing the party. Holly then placed her hands on Gail’s lower back over the thickness of the jacket.

When Gail and Holly first started dating, it took her a while to get used to her girlfriend’s job. One second the doctor would be holding someone’s brain in her hands, and then the next said hands would be placed on Gail’s own pale ones. As a cop and a fan of the morbid, she was used to it by now and couldn’t care less.

Gail held up one of her hands that was holding onto a bag of food. “Brought you some food from the party. Superintendent Peck’s orders and I figured you must’ve skipped dinner too.”

“Oh, so you’re here under orders? I thought you snuck out because you missed me or something.” Holly leaned in, and she could feel Gail smiling into the kiss.

“Nah, I was having too much fun to leave.” Gail rolled her eyes and continued “Of course I missed you. And also because Mother practically yelled ‘Honey, you should bring some food over to your hardworking girlfriend, she must be tired and hungry and could use a break from being one of Toronto’s best Senior Forensic Pathologist.’ loud enough for everyone in the house to hear. I couldn’t say no.” Gail mimicked her mother’s words and shrugged, earning a laugh from the brunette.

Gail was absolutely relieved when she brought Holly home with her one night for their mandatory Peck family dinner and her parents immediately liked her girlfriend, especially Elaine. A little too much, in fact. Gail was beginning to get a bit jealous when her mom took Holly out for lunch once, but immediately shook off the jealousy and began to feel grateful that Holly was getting along so well with her family.

“Well, you’re very kind. Thank you.” Holly leaned in for another kiss.

“So, think you can take a break?” Gail asked once they broke apart.

“Of course. Let me go to the washroom first and I’ll meet you in my office.”

Holly took off her lab coat, but before Gail could reach across the hallway to her office, she pulled the blonde around by her waist, bodies leaning against one another. “You look beautiful tonight.”

Gail blushed at the compliment and muttered a soft thanks before kissing Holly’s cheek and walking away towards the office. Holly smiled adoringly at how shy Gail could get whenever the brunette says something like that. It was cute.

When Holly got out of the washroom and into her office, Gail had already laid out a variety of food on the table, waiting for Holly. It looked amazing and tasted even more amazing, Gail made sure it wasn’t leftovers, but straight from the stoves and oven. Perks of hiring private chefs and caterers.

Gail watched on as Holly ate, moaning at the deliciousness every once in a while and mumbling something about missing dinner. She took this moment to quickly process the ups and downs that happened in both their lives this year, how Holly ended up staying in the city, staying _with her_ , getting promoted recently to Senior Forensic Pathologist, her unwavering support when Gail studied for her detective exams and earned the spot, and the adoption. How Holly agreed to continue being in Gail’s live after her decision to adopt Sophie and how she was there for Gail when the adoption didn’t go through. It was a dark time for Gail, but it could be a lot worst if Holly hadn’t stood by her the whole time. Gail didn’t know how or why she deserved the nerdy, weird and beautiful brunette, but she knew she would spend the rest of her life making Holly Stewart happy.

Gail’s thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of her phone. She took it out of her jacket pocket, only to see it was finally midnight. She smiled and turned her phone towards Holly, who was still stuffing food in her mouth. The woman must be starving.

“Hey, Hol,” Gail called affectionately.

Holly swallowed and chased the food down by drinking from her bottle of water. When she was done, she turned around to look at Gail. “Yeah?”

“It’s midnight.” Gail moved the phone closer to the brunette.

“Oh,” Holly put down her fork and smiled. “Happy New Year, sweetie.”

“Happy New Year…” Gail mumbled and widened her eyes when Holly reached for her fork again. _That’s it?_ Holly paused her movements at Gail’s voice. “You better kiss me right now or I’m leaving.”

Without warning, Holly grabbed at the lapels of Gail’s leather jacket, pulling her in for a crushing kiss and Gail could taste the sweet chocolate from Holly’s dessert, making her melt into the kiss.

When they finally pulled away from each other breathlessly, eyes closed and foreheads touching, Holly broke the peaceful silence. “Happy New Year, Gail. I love you.”

Gail blew out a shaky breath, before opening those magnificent blue eyes to gaze into Holly’s warm brown ones. “I love you, too.”

Nothing beats kissing Holly Stewart right then, even if there was a disassembled body waiting to be pieced back together across the hallway from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year :)


	11. Unplug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty fic. Consider yourself warned.

Gail shut her eyes as tight as possible, hoping when she opens them in the next three seconds, she would be back home, in her bed, in the arms of the woman she loved and realize that this was all but a dream – or nightmare.

But no. When she opened her eyes, she was still standing there next to Holly’s hospital bed, the tears on her cheeks stung, reminding her of the harsh reality. If the sight in front of her wasn’t heart-breaking enough, the realization when Gail’s fingers travelled down the tanned arm and scarred face that Holly wasn’t responding to her touch – would never respond to her touch – was enough to kill her.

Gail was suddenly reminded of all those times Holly would hold onto her tight, whispering words of prayers, wishing for Gail to return home to her in one piece, no matter how battered or bruised that one piece may be. How worried Holly gets the moment Gail steps out of the house and might never come back home.

Who knew the one to end up on a hospital bed brain dead, would be Holly.

 _Brain dead_. When the doctors told her that there was absolutely nothing they could do to save her girlfriend, that she should contact her family and ask them to come say goodbye, she was in denial. Because a couple hours earlier Gail was on the phone with her making dinner plans. How could Holly be brain dead in a matter of hours?

Then feelings and emotions escalated and before she knew it, Gail was outside of the hospital, kicking over bins and pounding at concrete walls. Why Holly? Why her sweet, beautiful and smart, who deserved the best Holly? If this was God’s way of preventing Gail from being happy, then that was one sick way of showing it. Gail should’ve known. At the end of the day, everybody leaves her. Gail Peck was destined to live alone and die alone.

Now, taking a seat next to Holly’s bed, Gail wasn’t sure how she has not completely broken down in her own tears by now. The feeling of her stomach turning upside down and almost throwing up when she first heard the news. The hysterical phone call with Holly’s parents. How Holly’s mother screamed and cried and struggled to regain composure. The way those high pitched screams caused her hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. She was pretty sure that moment when Chris and Andy appeared at her front door with a grave look on their faces would be imbedded into her brain forever

Gail was secretly glad that Holly’s parents were not in town and promised to take the next available flight back home from Vancouver. It meant that she’d have more time with Holly, and also because she doesn’t know how she’d look them in the eye. How was she going to tell Thomas and Angie Stewart that their only child got into an accident because she was on her way home from getting takeout at Gail’s favourite restaurant? That Gail whined about Vegan Wednesday and how badly she wanted real food and not some pathetic tofu burger, how Holly decided to drive across town to surprise Gail with her favourite food when all her sweet, sweet girlfriend wanted was for her to eat healthier?

_I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry._

At first when Gail learned that Holly was brain dead and not _dead_ dead, she desperately clung onto the tiniest shred of hope that her girlfriend would miraculously open her eyes and smile that lopsided smile and kiss her like no tomorrow. She wanted to beg and make pleas with God for Holly to wake up, and in exchange Gail would do anything. She would move mountains and part seas. But she knew that wasn’t how things worked. Holly’s body may be warm to touch, but it was the machines keeping her ‘alive’. In no scientific ways would a brain dead patient ever recover.

Gail let out a broken and soft laugh at that. Ever since being with Holly, she had learned a vast amount of scientific and trivial facts about anything and everything. The fact that Holly was brain dead broke Gail’s already broken heart into tinier pieces. Gail remembered those nights when Holly couldn’t fall asleep and how she would press her lips softly on her girlfriend’s temple and whisper to her to _shut that brain of yours before it stops working_.

Funny how that turned out.

Gail felt a warm and familiar hand on her shoulder, squeezing slightly in comfort. She didn’t have to turn to know who it was, but she didn’t turn around because one firm and comforting squeeze of Steve’s hand was enough for Gail to choke out loud sobs that echoed across the room and into her brother’s heart.

They stayed like that – Steve’s hand on her shoulder occasionally squeezing hard when those sobs became too much to handle – for a while before Gail’s sobs reduced to steady streams down her cheeks. Unwilling to break contact with Holly’s hand, she wiped them away in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing and turned around to give her brother a side hug and a broken and grateful smile.

Over Steve’s shoulder, she caught sight of her friends and colleagues standing outside of Holly’s room. Instead of being embarrassed that she just broke down in front of them and God knows how long they were all standing there for, to know that they were there for her, for _Holly_ , was enough to send her back into her earlier spiral.

When Holly’s parents arrived, Gail had been expecting anger and hostility towards her. Gail swore to take care of their daughter, and she felt like she had broken the promise. Not only was she a disappointment to her parents, she was a disappointment to Holly’s too. And watching Angie kissing her daughter’s forehead and Thomas stroking her tanned fingers, Gail couldn’t help the words spilling from her lips.

_I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry._

But Thomas and Angie simply scooped her up into a warm hug, a strong hand stroking her back comfortingly and a motherly voice shushing her painful, broken words.

It felt like it was only an hour ago when Holly was brought into the hospital. She had no idea how much time had passed, but it was time.

It was time to say goodbye.

So Gail leaned over Holly’s still body and laid her head on her chest. She struggled a moment to hear Holly’s heartbeat, but when she did, Gail clung onto her shoulders desperately trying to capture the moment and seal it into her brain. Listening to Holly’s beating heart was one of her favourite pastimes, it reminded her of what she was fighting for and who she was living for.

She felt strong, steady hands on her own shoulders pulling her away before the medical staff moved forward to do their job. To unplug the machines. But there was so much more left unsaid, like how much she loved Holly and will continue to do so, how she knew Holly had found the ring she bought a few months ago but decided to say nothing and how she wished she shouldn’t have waited all along.

The constant beeping was tuned out as Gail stood there, a hand holding Holly’s and the other trailing all over her beautiful face. The longer she stood there, watching what was left of her girlfriend’s life drain from her, the longer she had to reminisce about their relationship. Even if she knew Holly’s life would end here, Gail would give up everything she had just to experience this little slice of happiness Holly had given her over the past few years.

The only thing she would change was how she handled things. How she shouldn’t have been such a brat sometimes. When they fought and argue and how Gail would sometimes stomp out of the house and return hours or even a day later, but Holly would always be there when she returned to say those same words every single time – _I will always love you and wait for you to come home._

At that moment Gail knew, Holly wasn’t leaving her. She may not be there anymore, but Gail would always feel Holly deep within her skin and bones and her heart. Holly’s love and presence were as palpable emotionally as it were physically.

Holly would always love Gail and wait for her to come home.


	12. Plus One Forever

Gail stood by the bar and wondered why she wasn’t home. Oh, right, because Traci promised her 50 bucks if she stayed through the whole thing. And also because open bar, duh. As she downed the rest of her champagne, Gail was reminded of the last wedding she attended. Frank and Noelle’s, where she had a beautiful plus one, unlike this time.

Gail would never publicly admit that the ceremony was moving and romantic, especially when Sam and Andy exchanged their vows. _Finally_ , Sam decided to end their will they or won’t they tug o’ war of love by putting a ring on it.

Ever since stepping into the venue, Gail couldn’t stop thinking of Holly. That silly Macarena dance, giggling like schoolgirls right before the ceremony, drunken shenanigans in the coatroom. Not to mention _the_ kiss that set everything in motion. And how whipped was Gail, handing over a five at the sight of Holly’s magical head tilt. Gail shook her head slightly as a soft albeit painful smile appeared on her lips.

Every time her mind drifted to Holly, it tugged at her heartstrings. It had been almost a year since Gail last saw her – the night before she left the city where fantastic sex occurred and tears were shed – but the wound was still fresh. Gail’s belief that time heals all wounds were beginning to falter. Every single day her heart clenches in pain and some days it gets worst, especially this day.

Gail wondered if Holly was having trouble getting over her like she was. _Pfftt_ , of course not. She was living in a great city doing amazing work. Probably having a blast, making friends, dating… Gail shook her head in an attempt stop her train of thought.

Gail wasn’t sure why on Earth Traci would think keeping her here with all these happy and caring people would do her any good. It was disgusting. She just wanted to get drunk and go home. But Traci was trying to be a good friend and Gail was thankful for that.

She reached over the counter when the bartender wasn’t looking and stole a bottle of champagne before sneaking away to hide somewhere far enough so she wouldn’t be able to hear Chloe’s high-pitched squealing one more time. Gail was this close to breaking a bottle over her head.

Of course the room Gail had chosen to hide in was the coatroom. Sliding down the wall and onto the floor, she let out a slightly loud bitter laugh and brought the bottle to her lips. Her heart clenched tightly in her chest for the hundredth time that night but that only encouraged her to take a few more gulps of the bubbly liquid.

Gail sat there in silence, head down waiting for the alcohol to kick in, to do its usual job of numbing the feeling of her heavy thudding heart and temporarily erasing all thoughts of Holly from her mind.

When she heard a soft and familiar ‘Hey’, Gail thought it was just her fuzzy mind playing tricks on her. Because no way on Earth, or hell, would Holly be there in front of her. The alcohol must be doing its magic. Yeah, that was probably it. Gail was dreaming and making things up. Man, she must be going crazy.

“No Gail, you’re not going crazy and you’re not imagining things.”

Gail immediately snapped her head up at the familiar voice, eyes filled with shock and brows knitted together in disbelief, her head spinning at the sudden movement.

She shook her head, which made the spinning worst. “You’re not real. I’m drunk.”

“Yes, I am real and yes, you are drunk.” The brunette took a tentative step towards Gail, her lips falling into its signature lopsided smile which caused Gail’s heart to almost leap out of her chest.

 “No, you… Where… Wh-what are you doing here?”

The look on Gail’s face was priceless. This moment alone was worth returning for. Holly’s smile only grew bigger and her brown eyes twinkled in the dimly-lit room before answering Gail. “Well, you needed a last minute plus one and it turns out, I’m still all about growing these days.”

Gail couldn’t believe it. Holly was here. At Sam and Andy’s wedding? How did she know… “Oh that sneaky little…” She didn’t bother finishing her sentence. They both knew who did this. It was Traci.

Holly held out her hand offering it to Gail who took it hesitantly, still not quite believing her own eyes. Holly Stewart came back for her.

When Gail stood up, wobbling a little, she looked into Holly’s eyes as her own watered at the overwhelming emotions rushing through her entire body. The weariness in her bones replaced by a sudden urgency to kiss those lips she missed so much, the sinking feeling in her stomach now filled with butterflies.

Gail wanted to kiss her, to kiss her for all she was worth. But she needed to know one very important thing first.

“How long?”

“For good.” Holly nodded and Gail blinked.

“What about San Francisco?”

Holly stepped further into Gail’s personal space, and Gail had to remind herself to breathe at the proximity. “Worst city ever. No snow, no Tim Horton’s and most importantly, no hot blonde cops that cut their hair off in my bathroom.”

Gail felt Holly wrap her arms around her waist, pulling her closer and tears finally spilled onto her cheeks. “Are you sure?”

Holly tilted her head toward Gail’s until their foreheads touched. They both sighed at the contact and Holly brought a hand up to wipe the tears off Gail’s left cheek. “Yes. One hundred percent sure. I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry for ever leaving, thinking I would move on from you. I was wrong, so _so_ wrong.” Gail leaned into the soft and warm palm, revelling in the touch. “But I’m here now. I don’t want this job if it means I can’t be with you. You’re all I need.”

Holly had quit her job and came back to be with her. All her life, Gail had been told that she wasn’t good enough, not worthy enough. She wasn’t girlfriend material. She wasn’t a good person. She wasn’t needed. But then Holly came into her life and showed her that all she had to do was peel off those layers of insecurity to get to the good. The core of her very being. All she needed was time.

“I love you, Lunchbox.”

Holly laughed heartily in the quiet coatroom, and it was like music to Gail’s ears. “I love you too, Gail. Plus one forever.”

Without wasting any more time, Gail leaned in closing the rest of the gap between them, noses brushing and foreheads touching. The second their lips touched, Gail saw stars behind her eyelids. They stood there, lips gently caressing one another as if time froze and the Earth stopped rotating on its axis. They kissed like they had all the time in the world. Holly could taste the sweetness of the champagne on Gail’s lips and the saltiness of their tears and God, she never wanted to stop kissing Gail.

Ultimately, Holly broke both of them out of their blissful trance. She pulled Gail towards the door, it wasn’t the time or place to venture any further. She wanted to congratulate the newlyweds and thank Traci for her help.

“How about some dancing?”

But Gail had other plans. She pulled Holly in the opposite direction of the ballroom. “Fuck dancing, I’m taking you home.”


	13. Wildest Moments

_Inspired by the song “Wildest Moments” by Jessie Ware._

_You and I – blurred lines_ __  
_We come together every time_   
_Two wrongs, no rights_   
_We lose ourselves at night_

It’s late and you’re exhausted. But you can’t bring yourself to give in to sleep. You pull the soft, comfy sheets up to your chest and look over to the large window panels of the spacious loft. Street lamps, headlights and illuminated buildings are blanketing the city like sparkly, twinkling dust. San Francisco is even more beautiful at night.

But nothing beats the sight of the slumbering brunette next to you.

She’s sleeping soundly on her stomach, face hidden by thick wavy hair, the expanse of her back exposed to you and you’re trying your hardest not to run your fingers over the smooth skin.

You bring both hands up to your face and through your short blonde hair, trying to wipe the fatigue off and convince yourself that this isn’t a mistake.

It probably is, because most of the times when you make rash decisions based on your impulses, it leads to incredibly dumb mistakes and serious repercussions. You’re not a very impulsive person – you’d like to think you’re not – always thinking twice, thrice before making any decisions. You calculate and predict and evaluate consequences to your actions, how they would affect the people around you and yourself. You’re told to follow rules and strike when the timing is just right. And it’s been helpful so far, so you know when the rare chances that you’d act based on feelings and recklessness, they’re probably mistakes you’d have to pay dearly. Just like hopping onto a plane for San Francisco.

You don’t know what made you do this, but you know hate flying and the warm, sunny weather of the city during summertime. You also know it has been months since you last saw her back in Toronto, and how things ended between the two of you the last time she came back to see you. It seemed like the usually wise and thoughtful doctor had the same idea as you did today, flying back unannounced to see you back then.

_Baby in our wildest moments_ __  
_We could be the greatest, we could be the greatest_   
_Baby in our wildest moments_   
_We could be the worst of all_

You remember that night like it was yesterday. How you fucked and fought and cried, how you resolved and defined nothing about your relationship (or lack thereof) that night, only parting with a kiss and an embrace and painful whisperings of see you _soons_ and _goodbyes_ , with no telling of how soon is soon.

During the plane ride over here, you had hours to think about your sudden decision to see her, how she would react, if she’d slam the door in your face or tell you she’s seeing someone. On your way to her place, you had to resist the urge to ask the driver to turn back around, to drag your sad, sorry ass back to Toronto.

You didn’t know what you were trying to accomplish, showing up unannounced at her doorstep. Did you want to just lay eyes on her, sleep with her, or patch things up with her? Or all of the above? You weren’t sure what was it that you wanted out of this visit, but you knew that you missed her terribly.

Yes, when you make rash decisions based on your impulses it leads to epic disasters, but the times when it felt fan-fucking-tastic, it all had to do with Holly. Asking her to be your plus one, which ended the night with a life-changing kiss. Going to the batting cages together, which made you laugh like you hadn’t in ages. And kissing her in the interrogation room? It was the best thing ever.

So the moment you stopped fidgeting and finally rang the doorbell, when the door flew open to reveal the bespectacled woman, when she pulled you into her by the collar of your shirt, you knew it was the best impulsive decision you’ve made in a long, long time.

No words were exchanged, just moans and shaky breaths and screaming each other’s names. When she pinned you against the wall and snaked a hand into your jeans and panties, you felt young again. Before Perik and the academy and being left at the altar. For a moment you felt carefree, like a weight being lifted off your chest, as if you could finally breathe without feeling like your heart would clench painfully. You felt _happy_.

You close your eyes now, trying to capture and relive that moment. The moment and feelings are still so fresh and close that you can almost taste it. You smile as your heart flutter in blissfulness, but it only lasts for a minute before you realize that after tonight, when the sun comes up and the sparkling lights are gone, you’d have to leave this warm and loving cocoon and back to reality. It’s like an iced cold bucket of water to your face.

As you finally give in to temptation and run your fingers lightly over the smooth tan skin of her back, over her spine and base of her neck, you know exactly what is it that you want. You want to feel that feeling again. You want to be happy again. You want to be hers again. You don’t know how the two of you are going to do this, but you’re Gail Peck and she’s Holly Stewart and the both of you will be just alright.

_From the outside, from the outside_ __  
_Everyone must be wondering why we try_   
_Why do we try?_

You hear a soft hum and feel the body next to you shifting, so you open your eyes to greet her. You’re trying not to glance downwards at her chest, so you keep your gaze intently at her beautiful eyes – which happen to look surprisingly alert and wide, without any hint of drowsiness.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks you, her voice soft and warm.

“Us,” you capture her exposed hand in yours, fingers dancing in the soft city lights, the contrast of your skin against hers making your lips turn upward. “how long have you been up?”

She simply shrugs off the question and you frown slightly. “Yeah? What about us?”

“What are we doing here, Hol?”

“I don’t know, Gail. You’re the one showing up at my doorstep.”

You frown even more, stopping the fingers that were in a playful dance with each other just a few moments earlier. “You did the exact same thing months ago, Holly.”

She squeezes your hand and refuses to let go, her eyes suddenly filled with a hint of fear and sadness. “I know, I know.”

You’re lying there naked and in silence, searching for the right words to the answer you’re both desperately looking for. You can see she’s struggling, so you’ll go first. You don’t want to waste any more time beating around the bush and drowning in the _what-ifs_. You’ll say your piece, hoping she’d do the same. If what the both of you want is not the same, you’d leave and return to Toronto, albeit with your heart shattered into pieces.

“I want us to be together,” you gulp, waiting for her reply.

“Me too.” You can’t help but sigh in relief.

“But I don’t know how,” this may not be the best thing to admit, but one thing Holly has taught you showing vulnerability isn’t always a bad thing.

“Me too,” sighing, she manoeuvres into a more comfortable position before resting her head on your shoulder and a hand on your chest.

“Sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

You press a kiss on the top of her head. With your skin against hers and your cheek against her hair, you feel safe in this foreign city. You don’t know what the future holds for the both of you, but you’re willing to sit back and watch it unfold in front of you.

Taking in the view of the city and breathing in the familiar scent of Holly’s hair, exhaustion hits you again and this time, you’re not going to fight it.

_You’re both going to be alright._


	14. Family

After pulling into the garage, you remain in your seat, with no intentions of getting out of the car anytime soon. Work was terrible and depressing. Normally you're good at compartmentalizing and keeping your emotions at bay with rough and sensitive cases like what you've encountered today.

What kind of sick bastard kills an innocent woman and her child?

Sitting in your car now, you're starting to regret volunteering to take over the case because you've been itching to cut open something/someone. Being chief medical examiner means lesser autopsies and lab work.

After unzipping and revealing the bodies for the autopsies, you had to excuse yourself and retreat back to your office to regain your composure. You locked the door and cried for a few minutes, even thought about calling your wife but decided against it. It wasn't the first mother and child case and it probably wouldn't be the last, you had to be professional and do your job, so you wiped at your tear stained cheeks and freshened up in the washroom before beginning the autopsy.

Now, you squeeze your eyes shut and sigh heavily – an attempt to let go of the day's tensions and emotions – before unlocking the car door and making your way up the stairs and out of the garage, a smile already forming on your lips at the notion of seeing your family.

You're halfway up the stairs when it hits you – again. The smell of dinner prepared by your beautiful wife, the warmth of the house hugging you like your favourite university sweater, the voices of your two most favourite people in the whole world, echoing around the house and into your ears like the sweet melody of your favourite song.

This very moment, the one you've got the luxury of witnessing, makes you wonder what you have done in your previous life to be given this priceless gift.

Ever since returning to work a few months ago, you've caught yourself in this position before; home from work and frozen on the staircase landing, letting yourself bask in the moment of realization of the happiness and life that you and Gail had created.

Turning the corner to the kitchen, you know what you're about to see is so much better than what you've witnessed on the stairs.

Your lovely wife has traded in her detective outfit, gun and badge for a pair of sweatpants, sippy cup and a baby napkin over her shoulder, and she has never looked more beautiful.

The badass cop is now mimicking train noises with a spoon in her hand, trying to coax your daughter into having her dinner. It's cute and it melts your heart seeing Gail like this, you're not sure if you'd ever get used to it.

Grace Eleanor Stewart-Peck, your beautiful eight-month-old daughter that you carried into this world, with eyes as blue and skin as pale as Gail's, and the infamous peck pout and frown that makes you fall in love with your wife and daughter all over again and again.

Deciding to make presence known, you move away from the wall and toward the dining table to greet both of your loves.

"Hey Gracie, here comes another train! Choo-choo—" Gail looks up and sees you coming, a bright smile on her face. "Oh look Gracie, Mama's home!"

As your daughter sees you, the frown on her face disappears, giggles and incoherent babbles emerging from her tiny mouth and short arms and legs wiggle in excitement at the sight of her Mama.

"Ma–mama!"

Your heart is bursting with love for your tiny human, almost enough to make you forget about the case. The image of the body bags appears in your mind but it disappears in a quick flash. You close your eyes and shake your head before picking Gracie up from her highchair, the girl immediately snuggling against your neck, smiling and giggling the whole time.

"Hey baby," you kiss the top of Gracie's head and linger longer than you used to. You hug her tighter than you used to. Then you lean down to kiss and greet your wife too.

"Something wrong?" Because Gail can read you like a book, she looks at you with worried eyes.

"Nothing. Just work. We can talk later."

Gail nods in agreement. "Okay. Dinner's in the oven. I made your favourite chicken."

"Thanks honey, you're the best."

* * *

After finishing your dinner and helping feed Gracie, you spend some time with her in the living room while Gail tells you about their day at the park as she loads the dishwasher. Every time Gail mentions Gracie's name, your daughter will drop whichever toy she's holding and look at her Mommy.

She's beginning to develop a stronger sense of awareness and starting to shake her head at things she dislikes and its making mealtimes more and more difficult – which is not good for you because you're a sucker for that cute frown and pout.

You know bedtime is normally Gail's time with Gracie, the detective often come home from work just in time to tuck her in and sing lullabies till the girl falls asleep, but because you've been working all day and after today's case, you just really want to spend some more time looking at your daughter, holding her. Tonight the both of you will sing Gracie to sleep.

You have a love/hate relationship with the meaning of life. You try to live yours to the fullest, carpe diem, to love and enjoy every second – even if you're having a bad day, you still try. But you hate the fact that you can't calculate and estimate life. You live for routines, facts and statistics. It's part of your job. You hate the fact that you can never calculate the possibility of Gail not stepping through the front door one day.

So to conclude your train of thought, you already know how unpredictable life can be. You've known this ever since your high-school best friend died in an accident. Ever since the start of your career. Ever since dating Gail. But now, knowing you have so much to lose, it just hits you hard. That it could be Gail and Gracie on your table.

You can feel the tears and the lump in your throat from earlier returning as you kiss Gracie's forehead and whisper your goodnight. As soon as Gail sets up the monitor, she follows you out into the living room and sits next to you on the couch, a pale hand resting on your thigh squeezing in comfort and concern.

"What is it?"

You let the tears roll down your cheeks silently as you explain to her about today's case and how emotional you got. Gail listens as you tell her how about your 10 minute mini breakdown in the office. She wipes the tears off your face at the end of it.

"Why didn't you call me?" Gail whispers into the quiet house, compassion and understanding in her tone. "I'd bring lunch and Gracie with me and we could've spend lunchtime at the park nearby."

You look down at your now joined hands, "I didn't want to disturb your day off with Gracie," you shrug. "It's my job, I have to be professional about it. And I know if I called you I'd become a sobbing mess."

"Why wouldn't I want to spend my day off with my beautiful wife and daughter?" She looks at you like you're being crazy. "I could've helped you feel better. _We_ could've helped you feel better." Gail sighs and presses her lips together.

"I'm sorry, honey. It's just– I'm not used to breaking down at work and I didn't want you to worry about me," maybe you should've called. "I guess it happened because I'm a mother now and it really got to me."

"It's not going to be easy, but I love you and I'll always be here for you," Gail wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in and you rest your head on her shoulder. "If you'd do the same for me when it's my turn to become an emotional mess."

She pokes at your side and you laugh softly at Gail's attempt to lighten the mood. "Of course, baby. Of course. And I love you too."

You tilt your head up to kiss Gail softly and slowly, a hand on her cheek trying to keep her face close to yours, not that you need to.

The floor is littered with toys and stuffed animals, your house and designer furniture has been babyproofed, your slumbering daughter's cute sleepy noises audible through the baby monitor. Your wife in your arms. You'd never trade this for the world.


	15. Valentine's Day

"Hey, I'm almost done getting ready, just gotta put some heels on. Are you on your way?" Holly answered her phone and Gail could almost hear it in her voice, the crooked smile on her girlfriend's face.

Gail didn't answer right away, blocking out her surroundings trying to imagine the brunette in the tight black dress that Gail loved and that million dollar smile and those warm brown eyes. The longer that lovely image of Holly stayed in her mind, the more guilty she was feeling for what she was about to say.

"Yeah… about that—" Gail was trying her best to sound as normal as possible, remembering to breathe in and out in her head.

"Don't tell me you're on stakeout duty again Gail, it's the fourth time this week! Oliver promised to give you the night off! I'm going to kill—"

"No no, I'm not on a stakeout tonight," Gail breathed out through her mouth, so much for trying to break this to Holly nicely. "Don't freak out, but I'm at the hospital and I'm totally f—"

"What?!" Gail winced both in pain and at Holly's high pitched response. "Are you okay? What happened? I'm coming over now. Which hospital?" Holly was already grabbing her purse and keys when she heard the doorbell ring.  
"Like I was trying to say, Holly, I'm totally fine and I know you're going to freak and drive yourself to the hospital but Chris should be at your place any second now. I'll tell you the details when you get here."

* * *

Much to her dismay, Chris didn't know exactly what happened to her girlfriend, just that she and Nick were responding to a robbery and she got hurt. He was doing his paperwork back at 15 when he was asked to drive Holly to the hospital. The ride was in silence – except for a few short exchanges like "you look really pretty tonight", "I'm sure Gail's okay" and "Thanks" – with Holly staring out of the window with worried eyes. By the time Holly arrived at the hospital, Gail was done with tests and was resting and waiting for Holly in her room.

The faint sounds of heels clicking against the hospital floors woke Gail from her semi-conscious state. A small whimper escaped her mouth and Gail wasn't sure if it was because of the pain she was in or because seeing Holly dressed like _that_ and missing the opportunity to peel the black fabric off her incredibly beautiful and sexy girlfriend that night was making her incredibly sad.

Holly, sans glasses, walked up to her bedside and Gail whimpered again. She heard a soft "Oh honey" and felt a hand stroking her hair, her temple and then her cheek. Gail nuzzled into the touch.

It was obvious that Gail was on some pain meds, so Holly turned her attention to Nick. "What happened?"

"Robbery at a convenience store. Gail ran after the perp but ran into a bicyclist who was speeding down the road." Nick pointed at Gail's leg and then at her side. "Broken leg and bruised ribs. Doc says she should be able to go home tomorrow."

"I'm sorry." Looking back down at Gail, Holly could see the guilt behind her girlfriend's drowsy eyes.

"What for, honey?"

"I've been really busy at work with the stakeouts and working hard for the detective rotation and stuff and we haven't been on a real date for a really long time and I know it wasn't easy getting us a table at Donatello's since tonight's valentine's day and I really missed you and I was looking forward to dinner and looking at your beautiful face and holding your hand and taking you home and to bed instead of seeing each other for only five minutes tops at work for quick make out sessions every day. Damn it, we haven't had sex for almost two weeks Holly!"

Nick and Chris left halfway through Gail's speech knowing they were no longer needed in the room and Holly was glad no one was there to see the crimson blush that was blossoming on her face. It was all true, Gail had been on stakeouts and working hard for the detective rotation. She didn't tell her mother about her decision to apply – not that Elaine wouldn't find out eventually – and wanted to earn the spot fair and square without any Peck influence and connections.

It was even Gail's suggestion to go out on Valentine's Day even though the blonde wasn't very fond of the glorified occasion, letting Holly know that she was working an earlier shift that day and had the night and the following day off to spend some well-deserved and overdue time with her girlfriend. Holly had to pull some strings to get reservations at their favourite restaurant on the busy holiday and everybody loved Holly, even the head chef at Donatello's.

Yes, Holly was bumped about their plans for the night but nothing compares to Gail's life. Even though Holly was blushing like crazy, she couldn't help the smirk that was forming on her lips. Gail was incredibly cute, being all frustrated and annoyed at their current predicament.

"It's not your fault, Gail. What matters most is you're alright. We can always have date nights when you're feeling better." Holly leaned down to press a kiss on Gail's lips, an attempt to kiss away the pout and the pain she was undoubtedly in.

When Holly pulled away, the pout was still on her girlfriend's face. "Still," Gail shrugged. "We were both looking forward to our much needed date night and I ruined it. No, that idiot who robbed the store ruined it."

"Yes, he did." Holly nodded in agreement.

"Luckily Nick got to him before we lost him."

They sat in silence for a while, Holly stroking Gail's cheek and Gail with her eyes closed struggling to stay in the moment with Holly, before she went to look for Gail's doctor to know exactly what tests he ordered for Gail and the full results of said tests. When she was satisfied with the answers, she went back to the room to find Gail still fighting sleep.

"Get some rest, Gail. I'll be here when you wake up."

Gail shook her head. "You should go home and get some rest too. I'll be fine here. And I don't need a reminder of you in that dress and those shoes telling me I won't be getting some anytime soon."

Holly laughed softly, shaking her head at Gail's permanent pout and frown. She smoothed her thumb over the furrowed brows while laying gentle kisses on Gail's face and promising to return first thing in the morning.

* * *

When Gail opened her eyes a couple of hours later, she could see it was still dark out and the effects of the painkillers had worn off but the pain in her ribs wasn't as great as earlier anymore. But the skin beneath the cast was itching and it was beginning to drive her crazy.

And then she smelled food, to be more precise Gail smelled delicious food, none of those bland and disgusting hospital food. Her mouth began to water and the itch was no longer bothering her.

"Hey, you're awake."

Gail turned her head to the other side of the room where the voice originated from to see Holly in a pair of jeans and sweater this time. The brunette stood from the chair and walked towards the overbed table where a bag of food was waiting for her.

"How did you get in here so late?" Gail assumed it was late because it seemed like it.

"Rachel works here, remember?"

"You brought food." Gail pushed a button on the remote control that sent her into an upright position.

"Yes, I did," said Holly as she started to bring out the contents of the takeaway bag, the smell of food getting stronger. Gail's stomach growled. "I know you hate hospital food and you owe me a date at Donatello's, so I'm bringing Donatello's to you."

"You didn't have to, Gail croaked, though her stomach betrayed her words. She was famished.

"I wanted to." Holly placed the food containers on the surface, poured Gail a cup of water and wheeled the table in front of her. "Your favourite, chicken alfredo, prepared by Chef Marco himself." Holly pried the lid off of the containers and Gail moaned at the sight and smell of her favourite pasta. Holly's food looked amazing too.

"And for dessert, we have some amazing selection of jellos from the hospital." The brunette sat next to Gail after helping her scoot to the side to make space for her.

"You're the best,"

"I know."

Gail closed her eyes, lashes fluttering, and Holly leaned closer to kiss her chapped lips. Gail moaned softly at the sweet touch of their lips, and she would've carried on kissing Holly if her stomach had not growled so loudly.

"C'mon, let's eat."

They ate and talked about their day like they would on a normal date, Gail laughing at Holly's nerdy jokes, stealing kisses between bites and sharing not one, but two different flavoured jellos. It wasn't what they had planned for their romantic night out, but it doesn't matter as long as they were both alive, happy and together.

When they finished their meal, Gail laid her head on Holly's chest, letting out a contented sigh. Holly looked at her watch. It was almost one in the morning.

"Happy belated Valentine's Day, Gail."

"You're such a dork, Holly."


	16. Not a Bad Way to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saw this on otpdisaster's tumblr blog - Person B knowing they're undoubtedly about to die within the next few seconds, likely from the gaping wound they're bleeding out from. Instead of calling for help, they phone Person A and carry on a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much they love them before their time runs out.

There are no stars in the skies, the moon is nowhere to be seen, only fog and smoke and buildings covered with graffiti are in the line of Gail's vision.

As a police officer – as someone whose job is to serve and protect, to believe and maintain law and order with a gun and badge – Gail tends to wonder and fantasize about her impending death.

And being one of the most imaginative person Gail has ever known, she has been thinking about it ever since her parents told her about their plans for her to suit up in blue (eventually in white) and carry on the Peck dynasty.

If she's lucky, she might live to tell the stories of her career, but if she dies in the line of duty, Gail's fine with it too.

Shot in the head by a sniper rifle from a hitman hired by a notorious crimelord she had put in prison, killed by a suspect while undercover, poisoned by a creepy botanist who sold weed for a living, choking on cheesepuffs, but not this.

Not like this.

Lying on the ground at the entrance of an empty alleyway, Gail wonders why she hasn't thought about this scenario before – late at night, off duty and on her way to get a much needed burger and fries, stabbed with a broken glass bottle by a homeless man, bag stolen and left bleeding to death.

She's waiting for her life to flash before her eyes, reminding her of the life she lived and won't get to live. But all she's getting is pain - blinding, searing pain, and the awareness of the amount of blood that is gushing out of her lower abdomen.

Ever since meeting Holly, those morbid thoughts and fantasies about her death are long gone and all she can think about is the brunette doctor.

_Holly._

The metallic smell of blood is getting stronger, the uneven cobblestones are poking at her lower back painfully, the left side of her top and jeans drenched and sticking to her skin uncomfortably. Still, she feels for her jeans pocket and lets out an excruciating and grateful breath while pulling her phone out.

Gail brings the device to her face, her arm and fingers trembling harder and harder by the second. Blood smears the screen but doesn't stop her from getting to the contact she needs and a second later, Holly's face is being concealed by the red liquid on the screen.

Too weak to hold the phone to her ear, she puts it down by her face, turning slightly and adjusting her ear to it as it rings.

It feels like forever before Holly picks up. Tears are rolling sideways by the fourth ring, because of the pain and the fear. Fear of dying, fear of never hearing Holly's voice again. Fear of never seeing her face again.

"Hey Gail," She can hear the smile in Holly's voice and she, too, smiles at the greeting. The voice soothes her pain and stops the tears enough for her to speak like she's not bleeding out right now.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"I just got off the phone with Rachel. She's getting married! I'm so happy for her. I was about to call you, though. Great timing babe."

"That's really awesome. I'm happy for her too." The pain is slowly turning into numbness, and somehow she feels weirdly relaxed.

"I can't wait to be back in Toronto," Holly sighs. "I can't wait to congratulate Rachel in person and attend her wedding. Most importantly, I can't wait to be with you."

"Me too."

They are met with silence, a comfortable one, like the ones they always had but Gail has to cut it short this time, there is no more time to waste.

"I love you, Holly. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that, Gail," Holly scoffs. "And I love you, too."

"Just checking."

"Would you be my plus one?" Gail smiles at that, remembering the night in the coat closet.

"Of course. Plus one forever, remember?"

A single tear escape Gail's eye as she blinks, the soft laughter from the other end of the line causing her heart to flutter in her chest although she's pretty sure it's slowing down to nothing. The next second she's coughing out blood, but a smile is still plastered on her face.

"Are you okay?" She hears Holly ask in concern.

"Yeah, yeah. Throat's just a little sore."

"Drink plenty of water, okay? And get plenty of rest. I know you've been working hard lately."

"Tell me about your day. I wanna know what you did in your nerd cave with your fellow nerdlings."

And Holly goes off on a lengthy description of the experiment her team has been working on, all the while oblivious to what's happening to Gail. The pool of blood is getting bigger and Gail's eyes are closed, simply focusing on Holly's voice and nothing else. She can feel herself fading, like blacking out on the bed after a long and tiring shift. Listening to Holly rant about her new intern while she bleed to death isn't one of the scenarios she thought about, too.

"I was beginning to feel bad for Matt, but then he set a body on fire, Gail. A body! I don't know how—"

But dying like this isn't actually such a bad way to go.


	17. No

She could remember that night like it was yesterday, like one of her many nightmares. She could almost pinpoint the exact moment Holly's heart started to break, like the first cracks on a frozen lake, spreading across the entire icy surface as Gail stood still afraid that one small move would send her drowning beneath the freezing water.

When Holly's lips quivered and silent tears were shed – the sapphire ring held preciously between tanned, shaky fingers – knowing she was the one to shatter her girlfriend's heart into pieces, Gail felt like the air was sucked right out of her lungs and she never wanted to be the reason Holly looked like that ever again.

_"No."_

_"No?" Holly's fingers twitched, making the ring wobble in its place. "I-is this about weddings? I know how much you hate them, we don't have to have one, we can just go to the court and get our marriage license." The lopsided smile faltered a little, but her eyes still full of hope and promises._

_Gail shook her head. "No, Holly. I don't want to get married."_

_Gail saw how her response hit Holly, the brunette's body physically recoiled at the words. When it was clear that Holly was too shocked to say anything, Gail broke the painful silence._

_"Holly. You know how much I love you. We live together, we sleep together, and we go buy groceries together. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and I fall deeper in love with you every single day, if that's even possible." She covered Holly's hands with her own, ignoring the way the ring was poking at her palm. "I just don't want marriage to ruin any of that."_

_Realization started to hit her in waves, washing off the shock and confusion from earlier. Of course. Holly knew about Nick leaving Gail at the altar many years ago and how much it hurt Gail. She first heard of the story in the beginning of their friendship. They were hanging out a lot when the breakup with Nick was still fresh, and during one of their drunken get-togethers Gail spilled about their whole catastrophic love story. Holly listened with open ears and open arms. The blonde ended up crying herself to sleep on Holly's sofa in Holly's arms and when she woke up the next morning she made the brunette swear she would never tell anyone about what happened the night before._

_"You know I'm not Nick, right? I would never do what he did to you."_

_Gail's open and soft demeanour hardened slightly but she kept her hands on top of Holly's. "I know," Gail sighed, "I just don't see why we should get married."_

_"Because I love you! Because we love each other!"_

_"We can still love one another without being married."_

_"But Gail–"_

_"No, Holly! The answer is no."_

Months after the proposal, Gail still found herself thinking back to that night, how her rejection affected their relationship. After her resounding "no" concluded their conversation, Holly tried to keep it together, turning off the stereo, clearing dishes from the candle-lit table as Gail sat and watched. The blonde did not know what to do, if she should go over to her girlfriend (at the time she feared that Holly was no longer her girlfriend) to help clean up, to say something, to _do_ something to make everything better.

But all she did was stare at Holly as she loaded up the dishwasher and mumbled "I have some paperwork to do, will be in the study, don't wait up" her way before disappearing up the stairs and never going to bed that night.

Gail truly thought that their relationship had ended that night when Holly did not go to bed, because no matter how badly they fought, they promised to never go to bed angry with one another. The first 4 days was the worst, the lack of communication and physical contact with the brunette had her lying in bed staring at the back of Holly's head every night. She found herself venturing out to touch Holly on some occasions but immediately retreating back to her side every time. Gail did not know what to do or say to make the situation better, she even thought about finding that ring and put it on herself if that was what would make Holly look at her again.

It took a week for Holly not to run away after spending 5 minutes in the same room as Gail, and an even longer time for Holly to stay in a conversation with Gail that contained more than just a short sentence every time the blonde tried to talk to her. They were roommates sharing the same bed and nothing more and it was killing the both of them, it was killing Gail.

At work, Gail tried not to let it show. She tried to bury herself in cases and paperwork, talked less and worked more. She was not sure if it was a blessing that she and Holly did not cross paths or work on the same cases during that difficult time.

During the third week Holly did not come home from work one night and it almost drove Gail crazy. At 3 in the morning she was so close to calling 15 to ask Oliver to put out an APB or use Holly's phone to track down her location when she heard the doorbell ring. Gail opened the door in a hurry to see Lisa and Rachel supporting a very intoxicated Holly in their arms. Gail ushered them into the house and the master bedroom to deposit the brunette on the bed. Gail did not need to ask why Holly had gotten drunk because she already knew why. She had never seen Holly so drunk before, only slightly tipsy from their drinking sessions at the Penny. Gail also did not miss the stink eye Lisa gave her on her way out.

It broke Gail's heart to see Holly silently crying herself to sleep that night, mumbling about her failed proposal, how the sapphire ring matched the colour of her eyes so perfectly. Seeing Holly so broken, Gail could not resist touching her, to stroke her hair and her back. She let out a sigh of relief when the brunette did not recoil from the contact. Gail stayed up most of the night watching over Holly, making sure the brunette was fine. The following day saw the women finally sitting down to have their long overdue chat.

During those few weeks of avoiding Gail, Holly had time to think about the proposal, their relationship and every other thing that helped define them. She should have known better, once she had the time to _really_ think about her proposal. Like the idiots they were, they never once talked about marriage, or the idea of their own marriage. Holly just assumed that Gail's unsuccessful adoption of Sophie almost 2 years ago meant that she wanted to be a mother, to be a wife. But Gail never mentioned wanting to get married or be someone's wife after the whole thing with Nick.

And in true Holly Stewart and Gail Peck fashion, the proposal came out of nowhere and almost blown their relationship into pieces. To think the whole San Francisco/Sophie fiasco would have taught them better communication and decisions making. A couple of years into their relationship and yet they were still making the same mistakes.

In Holly's perspective, marriage seemed to like the natural step they should be taking next. Friends and family had nothing but love and support for their relationship, they were living together, they each had respectable jobs with Holly as senior forensic pathologist and Gail the new hotshot detective at 15. They were _happy_. Everything was going smoothly for the lovebirds and Holly assumed that marriage should be next on their list. The next thing she knew she was staring at the ring and proposing to Gail.

So as they were sitting in the living room with coffee in both their hands that following day, Holly told Gail she understood why the blonde did not want to get married and that she was okay with it as long as they still loved each other at the end of the day. Holly tried to convince herself that it was enough for her, Gail was all she needed. It took weeks for Holly to believe her own words.

After their proper talk – without either of them bolting halfway through – things slowly started to return to normal. Loving glances and gentle touches that one craved so badly from the other, soft laughter during dinners and hot, hot sex.

And then the universe started to turn on Gail.

There were times when she caught herself staring at her girlfriend – longer than usual – with Steve and Traci's kids, like how the brunette doctor would help Leo with his science projects, how she would cheer for the boy during his hockey games and not to mention how their toddler daughter's eyes lit up at the sight of Holly.

There were times when Gail's friends and Steve would ask her to 'put a ring on it already, what the hell are you waiting for?' and all she could do was stay quiet or ask them to shut up.

There were times when Elaine and Bill would have them over for dinner and say things like, 'when will the two of you get married and start your own family? You're not getting any younger, you know' or 'Holly's a remarkable woman, don't let her slip away Gail' and the couple would shift in their seats uncomfortably until the awkward moment passes over.

Gail knew Holly wanted children and knew she wanted them with her, and she had to remind herself that they could have all of that without marriage. But being married would be so so much easier, wouldn't it?

Whenever the thought of marriage came up in her mind and Gail would start to toss the idea of being Mrs Stewart around in her head, but the fear would take over and squash that tiny little chance of Gail changing her mind. The fear of a failed marriage, of a divorce. The fear that it would end with the two of them resenting one another. And naturally, Gail did not express those thoughts to her girlfriend.

And then everything became clearer for Gail.

It all happened at the diner around the corner of the townhouse. Gail was grabbing dinner to go when she ran into Constance, who was sipping on some tea by herself.

_"Officer Peck," Gail turned around to see the older woman looking up at her from her booth._

_"Constance," the blonde nodded in her direction and went about ordering her burgers before walking toward where the woman was sitting. Constance waved her hand as an invitation for Gail to join her._

_"I'm surprised you remember me," said the blonde as she sat down._

_"Why, because I'm old?"_

_Constance remembered Gail because she reminded her of a younger version of herself. She was once young and cynical, too, just like Gail. And the blonde's special brand of snarkiness was hard to forget too. Gail Peck had a presence and beauty that was hard to forget._

_"Because it has been years and yes, also because you're old." Gail smiled at her words, remembering what she said so many years ago._

_"And I'm surprised you still remember me. I look like any other old lady around here."_

_Gail simply shrugged. She remembered Constance because she was a cop, and cops are trained to remember names and faces. But the truth was she remembered Constance because she told her that life was too short to go through it alone. It was what nudged Gail in the right direction which inevitably led to Holly._

_"So why are you here alone?"_

_"I come here once a month, order a cup of tea and a slice of Walter's favourite blueberry pie."_

_Gail remembered Walter too. "Oh, where's Walter now?"_

_"He died, 8 months ago. Heart failure."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_Constance smiled at the sincere tone laced in the younger woman's words. There was no sorrow in Constance's eyes, just a look of recognition and acceptance. Death was a part of one's journey and Constance was done grieving over her own Plus One Forever._

_"What about you, Officer Peck, have you found your Plus One?"_

_"Yes, I have, actually. Her name's Holly." Gail smiled at the thought of her girlfriend. "And please call me Gail. I'm off duty."_

_"I'm happy for you, Gail. You seem much happier than you were the last time I saw you."_

_"Well that was a long time ago, Constance."_

_"Yes, indeed it is. Tell me more about your Holly."_

_Gail looked in the direction of the kitchen, it seemed like her food was taking quite some time so she decided to spend the time talking to Constance. And Constance needed it, the distraction. To listen about young love and the way Gail lit up describing Holly._

_"She sounds like a lovely lady," Constance brought the cup of tea to her lips, sipping. "I can see how much you love her."_

_Gail blushed, she searched her brain for a retort but found none, because she did love Holly, and it would be a shame to deny that – to deny her love for Holly._

_"Yeah, I do."_

_They sat in silence, Constance sipping her tea and Gail patiently waiting for her food when the blonde had a sudden need to spill something to the older woman._

_"Holly asked me to marry her."_

_Constance straightened her posture, perking at Gail's admission. "That's really great, Gail. Congratulations."_

_"I said no."_

_It had been months since she said no but she did not tell a soul about the proposal, not even Steve. She knew her friends would be surprised and chastise Gail for saying no and rejecting Holly. Her parents would tell her she made a huge mistake, and Steve would call her an idiot but nevertheless understand why Gail did what she did._

_"You know, Walter proposed many years ago. We met after my third marriage fell apart. I loved him more than anyone I ever met. He kept me on my toes, he challenged me, we had a lot of fun together. But when he proposed, I told him no, why get married when we already had the kind of relationship others dreamed of? And deep down I said no because I didn't think I could ever handle another failed marriage."_

_Constance paused, stirred her tea before taking a sip. The short pause let Gail digest whatever she just said._

_"Instead of conquering my fears, I gave in and neglected the recognition that Walter deserved. He deserved more than just being my frenemy or plus one, he deserved to be honoured, to be my husband for better or worse till death do us part. Gail, if you love Holly as much as I think you do, you should marry her. Recognize her love for you with the respect of such union. Don't wait till it's too late because you'll end up hating yourself for saying no."_

_Gail let it all sink in, Constance's speech awoken a part of her that had seemingly been asleep. She jumped when the waitress called for her to let her know her order was ready._

She did not remember how she got home. She might have walked the short distance and abandoned her car that was parked by the street, she wasn't sure. She could not even remember saying goodbye to Constance. But it seemed like she at least remembered to grab the bag of food along with her. When the front door opened, she was panting as warm heavy breaths escaped from between her lips.

Holly stared at her, confused as to why the blonde was in such a hurry to get dinner back home.

"You okay, Gail? You looked like you just ran a marathon."

The words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it. "Ask me again."

"Ask what again?" The confusion that was etched across the brunette's face earlier remained.

" _Ask me again._ "

It took a long silence before the realization of what Gail was saying dawned on Holly's face. When it became clear to her what the blonde meant exactly, Holly quickly turned around and walked back into the house and up the stairs, leaving Gail by the hallway.

Gail's stomach sunk, maybe Holly did not want to get married anymore? Maybe she screwed everything up again by bringing it up? She was ripped from her thoughts when Holly returned with the same beautiful sapphire ring between the same tanned and shaky fingers once again.

"Gail Katherine Peck, will you marry me?"

" _Yes_."


	18. Real Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt based on the song by Paramore 'Hate To See Your Heart Break' ft. Joy Williams. Might've gone a little off course.

She bare said anything during the ride back to Holly's place, eyes closed and head leaning against the window. Holly couldn't help but think about Gail's conversation with Officer McNally earlier and how upset both women were. Filling up a glass of water for the blonde, Holly wondered what happened between the two women, but it wasn't the time to pry or be nosey. Gail would come to her whenever she felt ready, that was if she wanted to.

Holly walked into the living room to find Gail on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table cradling her injured wrist. "Here, have some water."

A blue eye peeked open before Gail took the glass from Holly. "Thanks."

"You hungry? I can make you a sandwich or something," the brunette sat down next to Gail, took the empty glass from her and placed it on the table. "how's your wrist? Are you in pain? Do you want another pain killer?"

Gail reached for Holly's hand with her uninjured one to stop her from talking. "I'm fine, Holly. Stop talking."

At the sight of her worried friend, Gail felt a smile tugging at her lips, a real and genuine one, one that didn't feel like an effort or a chore, a first in a very long time. It was nice, to hold Holly's hand. To have a nice and comforting human connection with her friend.

"How about some food then?" Holly broke the peaceful quietness, Gail's hand on hers had shocked her into silence earlier.

Gail shook her head, the pale hand that clutched Holly's got tighter. "Can we just, sit here for a bit?"

And they sat there, side by side and holding hands in the dim and cosy living room.

Gail had been in suspicion of Nick and Andy's close friendship ever since they came back from undercover. Nick didn't cheat on her, not physically no, but she knew there was something going on between the both of them. And to actually hear it from McNally – someone she had considered as a friend – to hear that they slept together and wanted her blessing, it was like several stabs in her heart, and Holly's arrival was like a welcoming band aid for her wounds.

But using a band aid for a stab wound wouldn't help to stop the blood from flowing out of her open flesh and soothe the pain of betrayal and loss, at least not for long anyways.

When tears began to slip out of her tired blue eyes, Gail was starting to power up those infamous protective walls of hers. She mentally scolded herself for showing vulnerability and breaking down in front of someone else because Pecks don't cry and show weaknesses and she was still in her uniform, for God's sake, and her last friend betrayed her and this one might do the same. She felt a warm hand brushing those tears away, thumb stroking her cheek – like some sort of anchor and glue, keeping her ground and in one piece. She reminded herself that Holly Stewart was her real friend.

Holly's heart broke a little at the scene in front of her. Gail was still wearing her uniform, the fur-collared jacket and vest thrown over a chair. Her blonde hair messy but still in a loose braid. Her bandaged wrist. Her quivering lips. Those tears. The devastatingly beautiful and injured police officer was trying to keep it together despite the tears, it was clear that Gail was trying her best not to have a full-fledged breakdown. Holly desperately wanted to move closer, to wrap her arms around her, to break the silence with comforting whispers, to let her know it was perfectly fine and safe to let it all out right there in Holly's living room, but she did not dare to interrupt whatever was going through Gail's mind. So all she did was squeeze the pale hand tighter and stroke those cheeks where hot painful tears travelled past, an attempt to provide even a tiny bit of comfort for the blonde.

It may have taken minutes or even hours for the tears to stop, but the moment Holly saw Gail's head droop in exhaustion, she gently prompted Gail to go upstairs and to bed. Without much protest and an approving grunt from the blonde, Holly guided her into the guest bedroom and gave her comfortable clothes to change into before remembering Gail's medication and bringing them up for her.

By the time Holly returned with the pills and a glass of water, Gail was already dressed and sitting on the bed.

"I will be right across the hallway if you need me."

Gail nodded and took the glass and medication from Holly.

"Hey Holly?" She called out softly as the brunette reached out for the bedroom door.

Holly turned around and was met with the blue eyes that she was beginning to fall for, even if she wasn't aware of it at that point of time. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." The sincerity was evident in her tone and her smile was genuine and soft.

* * *

She felt the mattress dip and heard the rustling of sheets and blanket. There was a sudden – albeit incredibly welcoming – warmth radiating from the other side of the bed and warm breaths near her neck. Holly turned around to face the intruder and was pleasantly surprised by Gail's presence in her bed.

As if both women had done this a thousand times before, Holly stretched her arm out and Gail settled her head on top of her chest. Gail shifted some more until her body moulded perfectly with Holly's, tanned fingers settling on her waist, lips pressed gently into blonde hair – like pieces of a perfectly fitted puzzle.


	19. Stay, Stay, Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I second that you write something based on "Stay Stay Stay"... For Gail and Holly.

Holly knocked on the door of her girlfriend's apartment and waited impatiently before unleashing another round of loud knocks, and she only had a second to worry about disturbing the neighbours before the door swung open. Her entire being shook at the fury in the blonde's eyes, but she pushed the fear away to say something before the door gets slammed in her face.

"Gail, please let me explain." Holly pleaded.

Gail turned her back toward the brunette and walked back into the house, leaving the door wide open. "You have 30 seconds."

When Holly quickly followed into the hallway and kitchen, she found Gail pouring herself a glass of whiskey. _This is gonna get real ugly_ , Holly thought to herself.

"Her name is Lauren. She is Lisa's new friend. I've never seen her before in my life, until today. You just happened to walked in at the wrong time."

Gail was supposed to pick Holly up at the bar where they were celebrating Lisa's birthday. It had been a week since they last saw each other. The blonde missed having Holly sleep next to her, so Gail tried to finish her paperwork in record time in order to get to her girlfriend earlier. Holly had promised not to have too much to drink so they could carry on the party back at her place. When Gail walked into the bar, the second she laid her eyes on Holly, she saw a woman – redhead with too much makeup on and an incredibly see-through dress that she might as well not wear it – standing too close to her girlfriend than she'd liked and grabbed the brunette by her shirt collar to kiss her right on the lips.

At that moment Gail let her insecurities get the better of her, and as Holly pushed the drunk woman off of her, she saw the blonde with watery blue eyes across the room steel herself from vulnerability and build back up those walls she had tried so hard to knock down, and she immediately jumped from her seat to chase after Gail. When she was out the door and into the cold, snowy night, Gail was already gone. So she flagged for a cab to her place right away.

Gail downed her drink in one go and glared at Holly as she put the glass down with a loud clank. Holly jumped at the sound.

"That doesn't really help your case." The blonde spat out.

"She was on her fifth drink, I think, or maybe sixth, she took a couple of tequila shots too, not that I was observing her or anything," Holly held up her hands defensively, already feeling her window of opportunity to make things right closing. "what I'm trying to say is, she was drunk as hell and she just planted one on me as you walked in."

Gail poured herself another drink, eyes never leaving Holly's. "Maybe it wouldn't have happened if you weren't standing so close to her."

"She just happened to be standing so close next to me, I swear. The whole night we were miles apart. I had no idea she'd kiss me."

Holly looked at Gail in silence, watching her as the blonde finished her second glass of whiskey, waiting for some sort of response.

"Did she know you have a girlfriend?"

Holly nodded quickly. "Yes. Lisa asked where you were when we were introduced." Lauren had asked who was Gail and Holly told her Gail was her girlfriend."

_That bitch_. Gail was too angry to say anything. Holly waited for a reply, but Gail, blinded by pure rage and those ugly insecurities, said nothing. She wanted to believe Holly, but she was so angry at everything and everyone that she just wanted to scream.

Instead, she settled for calling it a night and walked away from the brunette in the direction of her bedroom.

"Gail, wait, please," Holly grabbed Gail's arm gently, but she yanked it away and continued walking.

"Babe, please listen to me."

At the endearment, Gail spun around and took the nearest object that was on the table and flung it across the apartment. "Don't _babe_ me! Get the fuck out." That object happened to be her phone.

Gail only allowed concern to show on her face for a second, afraid that she had actually hurt Holly, before reeling the emotion back in. Luckily for the brunette and her quick reflexes, she dodged the device, letting it collide with the wall behind her. Gail just turned around and walked into her room, leaving Holly standing there, aghast at what just happened.

The brunette knew her girlfriend – maybe her ex-girlfriend now – had a temper and could be a real firecracker, but to be the target of her anger had been an unpleasant experience, to say the least. Once she heard the bedroom door slam closed, her own anger rose within her at how unbelievable Gail was acting. She thought about storming into her bedroom, grabbing Gail by her shoulders to shake some sense into her. Why couldn't she see how in love Holly was with her? That what happened was just an accident? That she would never _ever_ cheat on Gail?

Pacing back and forth in the living room, Holly thought about what to do next. Should she try to talk to Gail again, or leave her be? After minutes of contemplation, Holly decided to stick around and see how Gail would be feeling in the morning. She wanted to fix this and not give Gail the chance to ignore her phone calls and text messages like that time. So she settled in on the sofa and made herself at home.

* * *

She should be asleep after such an exhausting shift, only waking up at noon since she had the next day off, but Gail hardly slept a wink, thinking about her fight with Holly. The longer she tossed and turned in her bed, the more she felt like shit, throwing things and yelling at Holly. She believed Holly, she really did, but it was hard to make a U-turn after heading down such a dark road towards Ragetown. She just carried on and next thing she knew, things took a dramatic turn and her phone was on the floor behind the brunette, probably in pieces.

_Fuck_. How was she going to fix things with Holly this time? The brunette had been a saint ever since they met. She didn't fault Gail for the things she did in the past or the things beyond her control. She always paid attention and listened to Gail. She had never judged Gail by the way she thinks or the things she said. She always tried to understand Gail and accept her for who she was. Holly made her happy, every second of every day. There was no one like Holly.

Birds were chirping and the soft glow of the rising sun was slipping through the curtains by the time Gail decided to get out of bed to make some coffee before thinking of ways to fix things. She hoped her phone was still in one piece.

* * *

Holly sprang up and out of her shallow sleep at the sound of the bedroom door creaking open. She stood up and faced the direction of the bedroom, waiting for the blonde to see her. When Gail saw a slightly dishevelled Holly standing in the middle of her living room, her heart clenched in her chest and ached for the brunette. She couldn't believe it. Holly actually stayed and slept on her extremely uncomfortable sofa.

"You stayed," Gail said with wide tired eyes.

"I did." Holly nodded, waiting to see if any of the anger from last night would return. When Gail turned away and went into the kitchen to put the coffee pot on, Holly sighed in relief.

A few minutes later, Gail returned to the living room and leaned against the wall behind the sofa. She saw that her phone was on the breakfast counter, still in one piece. The protection case must be what saved it. They stared at each other, both women afraid of speaking first.

"We should probably talk." Gail broke the silence first, unsure of what to say next. Holly simply nodded.

"Look, I'm sorry for throwing my phone at you. You could get seriously hurt and I've regretted it the second it left my hand." Gail took in a deep breath, clearly not finished. "I know. I know last night wasn't your fault. You didn't see it coming, and I knew. I was just too stunned at that moment and I reacted the best way I know how."

"I should've seen it coming, though. The second she stood so close next to me I should've backed away. And for that, I'm so sorry, Gail."

Gail could see Holly was genuinely sorry and beating herself up for it, so she pushed away from the wall, walking around the sofa to Holly. The brunette continued as Gail neared. "I would never cheat on you, I love you too much to do that do you."

"You love me?" It was the first time Holly said it, and Gail could feel herself choke up at those words.

"Yes, I do. I love you even when you bully me into carrying your things. I love you even if you make fun of my nerdy ways. I love you even though you're allergic to tomatoes and I have to stop eating them because I love them in my food. I love you despite of your potty mouth and disgusting love for cheese puffs. I love you, you crazy person. You make me so, so happy and I love you for you and those are the things that make you _you_."

Gail did not realize it, but by the end of Holly's speech, both her hands were in Holly's, the brunette's thumbs stroking her skin lovingly.

Gail wanted so desperately to make a speech of her own, to move Holly like she did Gail, but she only had it in her to say a few words.

"I love you, too."

And those four little words were enough to Holly. It meant the world to her and there was no need for Gail to say anything else.

They held each other close, lips connecting gently for the first time in a week. It felt different, sweeter and soft, and it made both women's heart flutter in their chests. Gail then rested her head on Holly's shoulder as Holly repeated those three magical words into her ear. They stayed like that for a while as the smell of coffee wafted through the apartment.

"Are we okay?" Holly asked as soon as they broke apart.

Gail nodded. "Yeah, we're okay." Of course they were okay, they did just declared their love for one another.

Feeling the air around them starting to become lighter, the grey skies looming above their heads clearing, the smile on Gail's face, Holly felt like she could finally breathe.

"Do you happen to know that bitch's last name?"

"Why, what are you going to do?" Holly narrowed her eyes at Gail, she could see the wheels in her girlfriend's head turning.

Gail shook her head, trying to look innocent. "Nothing serious, maybe a few parking tickets, that sort of stuff."

Holly shook her head and smiled to herself as Gail walked into the kitchen – mumbling how 'that bitch at least deserves to get her car towed' – to pour them both a cup of much needed coffee.


	20. Accidents Happen

Brown eyes were greeted by the peaceful and brightly-lit room, the sun already hanging high in the sky and Holly woke with a smile on her face, it was nice to wake up on her own and not by the blaring of her alarm. She brought her left arm out to seek out the warmth of her companion but was met with a cold, empty space. Holly's smile faltered to find the other side of her bed unoccupied by her favourite blonde.

Blindly grabbing for her glasses by the nightstand, she slid them on and looked at the clock. It was almost 11am, both women had taken the day off to spend it in sweatpants and lounging on the sofa.

Sighing at the loss of morning snuggles, Holly flung the blanket away and stood up, stretching and yawning. Her girlfriend should be around somewhere.

A few feet out of her bedroom and at the top of the stairs, she spotted Gail, face down on the sofa, dead to the world. Her boots were still on, both legs hanging near one of the ends of the sofa. Holly smiled adoringly at her girlfriend and quietly descended down the stairs.

It didn't happen often, but sometimes after an exhaustingly long shift, Gail would go to Holly's place to spend the night and upon seeing that incredibly comfy sofa, she would lose the fight of waiting till she was in the bedroom before passing out, to knock out on the amazing leather sofa. Holly had fallen victim to that sofa herself, too, during days where she had to work on double homicides or difficult cases.

"Hey, honey." Holly stroked the head of short blonde hair and it earned her a groan from the sleepy woman. Gail then turned around with her eyes still closed, mumbling something in her sleep. Holly smiled, it was cute.

So she worked on untying the laces before gently tugging the boots off, putting them on the floor by the sofa. When she was done, she stood and walked back up to look at her girlfriend. Holly gently patted the soft pale cheeks, "you can go back to sleep upstairs if you want to." she cooed softly.

Finally, Gail slowly opened her eyes, immediately frowning at the brightness of the room. She looked around, taking in her surroundings. "I fell asleep on the sofa again." She mumbled to herself after rubbing her face with her hands.

"Uh huh," Holly nodded, trying to suppress a smile. The blonde was just too cute in the morning. "you wanna go to bed?"

"Nah, let's have breakfast. Someone promised me chocolate chip pancakes." Gail shook her head and grinned at her girlfriend.

"Alright, chocolate chip pancakes comin' right up!" Holly leaned down and captured Gail's lips in a chaste kiss, and then another – with mumbled greetings of 'good morning' in between – before moving away from the sofa towards the kitchen. Gail laid back down onto the cushions and stretched, sighing in bliss. Their perfect Saturday was going as planned.

And then she heard a loud thud, a soft crack and another thud.

"Holly?"

She called out, worried. When there was no response from the brunette, Gail frowned and stood up quickly, only to find her girlfriend on the floor by the kitchen entrance.

"Oh my god, Holly!"

Gail flew over to Holly, and that was when she saw her duffel bag lying by the wall. Because Holly could be quite the klutz sometimes, she had told Gail several times to place her bag on tables, chairs, the sofa, anywhere but on the ground. Holly had tripped over the rather large bag once or twice, but she'd never fault Gail for it. It usually happened on days when the blonde had back-to-back stakeouts for days or incredibly long shifts. Gail's heart sped up and guilt immediately washed over her.

Gail sighed in relief to find Holly still conscious, eyes wide in shock. Her glasses were on the ground, the left lens cracked. "Hey Hol, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" She knelt by the brunette, hands reaching out to pull her up.

Before Gail's hands could make contact with Holly, a small pool of blood was beginning to form around Holly's head. She swallowed, panic rising inside. "Oh my god, you're bleeding!"

Suddenly time slowed and her breathing could be heard loudly in her ears. She saw Holly's mouth moving, speaking, but she was frozen in her spot. Gail physically tried to shake herself out of the panic, and time resumed but ten times faster than normal.

"—Gail, _Gail_ , you need to get some gauze to stem the bleeding. The first aid kit is in the downstairs bathroom."

Gail ran to the bathroom and back in record time, and she was shocked by the amount of blood around Holly. The pool of blood around the brunette's head had increased, flowing down to Holly's waist and the top of her sweatpants. A few pieces of gauze wasn't going to help her girlfriend. She immediately took her phone out of her jean pocket to call for an ambulance.

By the time she hung up, Holly's had become incredibly pale. She was blinking profusely, eyelids fluttering, as if trying to fight sleep.

"Hey, Holly? Talk to me. Please, don't fall asleep. The ambulance is on its way. You're going to be okay. I'm so, _so_ sorry." _You're going to okay. I'm so, so sorry._ Gail chanted to herself and to Holly, a hand wrapped tightly around the brunette's as the strong metallic smell of blood wafted through the kitchen and into her nose.

It took forever for the ambulance to arrive, and by the time the paramedics were by Holly's side, accessing the head wound, Holly was barely conscious and Gail was standing at a corner, fear cutting deep into her bones at the horror in front of her. Blood everywhere, in pools and splatters. Holly's back was soaked and Gail's fingers were stained red.

With Gail's help, Holly was able to remain consciousness throughout the journey to the hospital. The blonde tried to keep her awake by talking, and she was certain she had never talked so much in such a short period of time in her whole life.

The waiting was the hardest part. This wasn't her first rodeo, no. She had done this several time before, when she was 9 and her father got stabbed on the job, when she was in university and Steve got shot while undercover, and Sam and Chloe during the Ford incident a couple of years ago. The waiting encouraged a range of emotions to course through her mind and body. First, the fear. Fear eats at her, it attacks her brain and what was left of her defences, leaving her vulnerable to other demons. Her heart and limbs heavy and ached when she moved. Then came anger and guilt. Her muscles no longer aching, but itching to hit something, someone. Maybe to hurt herself. Holly fell and bled and got sent to the hospital because of her. Because she didn't listen, or forgot to listen to Holly. Because she couldn't find the strength to put her bag out of the way. Because of something so stupid and trivial.

Then came sadness. Her eyes watered and she gave up the losing battle of keeping the tears at bay and let them slide painfully down her cheeks, without caring who might see. A hand over her mouth as she sobbed, a hand over her chest as she desperately tried to cling onto her heart. To Holly. Someone else might die because of her, and if Holly truly dies, Gail wasn't sure if she could come back from it.

* * *

As a police officer, Gail had been to countless crime scenes involving lots of blood and guts. It hardly fazed her, she was a Peck and Pecks do not get scared easily. But seeing Holly, her girlfriend bleeding out in front of her scared her to death.

She was suddenly reminded of her rookie years when Chris was stabbed. No doubt fear of losing him was there, but Holly was different. As police officers they knew they could to get hurt and possibly even die on the job. They made peace with it and at the time when she was dating him, Gail knew, one day Chris might not get to go home after his shift. Maybe that was why this time the fear was so daunting and terrifying. Gail never imagined Holly getting hurt. Not by accident or on purpose. Because Holly was the sweetest, nicest, the most understanding person Gail knew, and God would never want any harm done to the brunette who baked cookies for her neighbours and help children with their homework.

But of course it didn't work that way. Accidents do happen and people get hurt and die. It hurt her like a hundred razor blades flying into her skin that she had caused this to the person she loved. And the worst part of it was how she did it. Because of a fucking bag.

When the doctor finally came to talk to Gail, she'd almost kiss the doctor for the good news. At first he refused to talk to Gail because she wasn't family, and she had to threaten the doctor and use her badge to make him talk but he eventually relented when she flaunted the Peck name around. It wasn't something she'd do, but, desperate times.

The wound was a deep, but x-rays and scans came back negative for any severe brain conditions and it would only need stitches. Holly also needed blood transfusion for all the blood she lost, but she would be okay and hopefully out of the hospital in a day or two.

Now, with the fear and sadness long gone, Gail positioned herself next to Holly's resting form and let the remaining anger and remorse settle deep in her stomach. The sight of bandages wrapped around Holly's head and her pale complexion broke her heart, and she was certain the image of her girlfriend lying on the floor bleeding would be burned into her memory forever.

* * *

She wasn't sure what time it was by the time Holly woke up. The sun was setting, so it must be around evening time. It started from a twitch of her fingers and a sigh from her lips. Gail straightened her posture as brown eyes opened to be met by the harsh fluorescent lights. A stark contrast to how she woke up this morning.

"Gail?" Holly called out weakly, still frowning at the lights.

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?" Gail captured Holly's hand in both her own before bringing them up to her lips. "Do you want me to go get the nurse?" She was ready to get up if needed.

Holly sighed at the lips on her hand, it was doing wonders to her heart. She shook her head slightly, feeling the bandage tight around her head. "I'm fine."

She looked at the blonde, those blue eyes shining with tears and filled with emotions. It translated I love you and I'm sorry and so much more than any words Gail could say.

"Are you okay?"

Gail scoffed lightly, she couldn't believe Holly was asking her that. "You were bleeding out on the kitchen floor and now you have bandages wrapped around your head holding it together, and you're asking me if _I'm_ _okay_?" The blonde looked at her girlfriend in wonder and confusion.

"Well, you must be scared," Holly shrugged. "I would be."

Gail thought about replying with a witty remark, about how Gail Peck wasn't someone who gets scared easily, but she couldn't do it when Holly's life was on the line.

"I was so, so scared, Holly. I was terrified." Gail sighed and her shoulders sagged. "I've never been more afraid in my life. And all because of my stupid fucking bag. It's all my fault. I should've put it out of the way. I'm so sorry, Holly."

"I'm okay now. Everything's okay. It was just an accident."

"I don't know what I would do if something bad happened to you. If you died, I don't think I could survive it."

Holly's heart broke at the way Gail looked and how her last sentence came out as a sob. She knew her girlfriend would blame it on herself and let the guilt crush her for years. She tried to stop Gail from crying and whispered reassuring words into the room, but Gail only held onto Holly's hand even tighter against her forehead.

After the last round of sobs escaped from Gail and were replaced with soft sniffles, she tried to break the tense yet gloomy energy in the room.

"Not how I imagined our Saturday would turn out to be." Gail smiled tightly, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Really? I kinda enjoy spending my day off at the hospital. Who can say no to free delicious hospital food and limited TV channels?"

Gail shook her head fondly at Holly. "You weirdo," she stood up, closing the distance between their faces for a much needed kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Holly smiled into the kiss and let their noses brush against each other's before Gail moved away slightly. "Now go get me some real food before they bring me those mushy peas that could make me lose my appetite."


	21. Taxi

To her credit, she really tried. She'd tried over the span of a couple of years ever since the incident. Gail didn't even realize she had a fear of getting into taxis until she actually got into one not long after being tied up by Perik.

She was drunk at the Penny one night after her shift and she hailed for a taxi on the street. She remembered the crippling fear that froze her spine, the goose bumps in her hair and the back of her neck. Once the door was closed, she couldn't breathe, like she was bound and gagged once again. Tears prickling in her eyes, she finally found the strength to move and immediately asked for the driver to stop and let her out. She remembered the taxi driver's confused and annoyed look before she slapped a couple of notes in his hand with a shaky pale hand of hers and got out. As Gail stood by the roadside, she felt like she had been trapped in the vehicle for several hours when the taxi only managed to drive about a block away from the Penny. She watched the taxi drive away from her, refusing to look away until it was finally out of sight before trying to calm her breathing and blink back those tears. She had to make sure he wasn't coming back to get her or follow her back to her apartment.

Gail felt ridiculous. She knew if she'd told her parents about this little incident, her mother would find a way to get her hands on a taxi and put her in the boot until this irrational fear of hers went away. She shuddered at the mental image of being back in the boot and started walking back towards the Penny and decided to call one of her roommates to come pick her up.

She didn't tell anyone about it. Not even when a moody and sleepy Dov appeared 15 minutes later outside the Penny to pick her up. She kept quiet as he grumbled and complained how Gail could've called for a cab.

Months later, Gail decided to try again. She didn't know where she'd go, her main concern was to get in the vehicle. Maybe drop by Steve's. Or go for a burger at the diner near 15. She stood on the sidewalk on a sunny Saturday afternoon for a few minutes with her hands tucked in her pockets trying to calm her nerves. She looked as one taxi after another drove away. She tried lifting her arm up to flag for a taxi. Her limbs felt heavy, her heart thundering in her chest. She just couldn't do it. She felt weak and ashamed of herself. The Peck family would not be proud.

After the 16th taxi drove past her, Gail decided enough was enough and went back to her apartment to drown her failure in copious amount of tequila.

Shortly after her feeble attempts at flagging a cab that day, 15 caught a homicide case. The victim, female, was found dead in the boot of a taxi and Gail and Chris were the first officers on scene. Gail felt her lunch rising up her throat, but managed to keep it down in front of her colleagues. She knew no one would blame her if she sat this one out, go back to the station to do some paperwork. But Gail couldn't let anyone see her be weak or vulnerable. The almighty Peck had a family name to uphold. Sure, she'd probably have nightmares later that night when she goes to bed, but that was when she'd be alone and in the privacy of her own room.

But Chris saw the way his partner's face went pale at the sight of the crime scene and knew this case hits close to home for Gail. He said nothing of it – because he knew Gail would kill him for calling her out – and volunteered to take the brunt of their shared work that day.

When she finally told someone about it, it was Holly. The brunette listened attentively and told Gail that it was totally understandable and not at all stupid or irrational. She had a legit reason to be afraid of getting into cabs and Holly convinced her it was completely okay.

And after her talk with Holly, Gail wanted to try again.

"Listen, we'll get into the taxi and we'll talk through the short journey to the restaurant. We can talk about work, or what we're gonna eat later, or we don't even have to talk at all." Holly adjusted the black beanie Gail was wearing, and looped a scarf around her girlfriend's pale neck. "And if it's too much, if you wanna get out, we'll get out of the car immediately. No judgement."

Holly rested her hands on Gail's shoulders trying to be reassuring. All Gail could do was nod and swallow painfully against the lump in her throat. Holly made her feel comfortable and safe. She could put down her walls like she did that night in Holly's bathroom and not feel embarrassed. When Holly's hands slowly travelled down her arms to capture her gloved hands, Gail felt a familiar warmth in her stomach and smiled softly. She could do it this time. She felt it. With Holly by her side smiling her trademark smile and holding her hands, she could accomplish anything.

And Gail was right. Holly held her hand the whole time, a lopsided smile plastered on her face as she spoke about work and her eyes never leaving Gail's. Gail simply listened, her girlfriend's voice and moving lips capturing her in a trancelike state. And by the time the car finally pulled up right in front of the restaurant, Gail hardly realized they had arrived, still staring into Holly's warm brown eyes, eyes that shone brighter than the streetlights outside.

When they were done with dinner, both women with a couple glasses of wine in their system - enough to take the edge off, not enough to be drunk and clumsy - they hailed for another cab but this time, the journey was filled with subtle feather light touches on Gail's left thigh and arm and fleeting kisses on her soft pink lips and words like _I'm so proud of you_ , _you're so strong_ and _you're so beautiful_ whispered into her ear, not caring if their driver was sneaking a peek or feeling uncomfortable. They were too distracted to care.

In that moment Gail felt like she could conquer anything and the night was still young and filled with promises, silent promises to herself and to Holly that she'd fulfil later back at her girlfriend's apartment and her bed.


	22. Not Going Anywhere

They agreed to meet at the courthouse after Gail's shift and Holly's preparations for San Francisco. They said their goodbyes in the morning with grins and warm hugs and soft kisses and I love you's and promises of seeing each other later. Several hours later and after an exhausting shift, Gail was sitting on the bench in the government establishment with sweaty palms and shallow, nervous breaths as hers and Holly's names were being called.

She kindly asked for a few more minutes to wait for her fiancé to arrive. Holly was nowhere to be found. Trying the brunette's phone once more, Gail swallowed painfully and closed her eyes while she was met with Holly's voicemail for the ninth time.

Gail was being left at the altar again.

The clerk told her that she had five more minutes before the judge moves on to the next couple in line. Gail thanked the woman and apologized for the hold up, and when the older woman saw the panicked look on Gail's face, her look of annoyance morphed into something Gail thought were understanding and sympathy, like she had witness this a thousand time before, like Gail wasn't the only one who got stood up at the last minute that day.

She tried Holly's phone again, shaking her legs nervously and she cursed silently as she was met with Holly's voicemail again. Gail ran a hand up over her hair before repeatedly thumping her phone against her forehead.

_There has to be an explanation. She'd never do this to me_. Gail prayed. She wiped her sweaty palms against her jeans roughly and let out a shuddering breath. Gail would wait. She'd wait for Holly to turn up. Holly would never to this to her. She'd wait till the place closes up for the day, if she had to. _There has to be an explanation._

Then soft footsteps could be heard from a distance and Gail straightened her posture, eyes wide and heart beating loudly in her ears. She prayed to God that it was Holly. Gail could hear the footsteps speeding up, like the person was running, louder and louder against the shiny marble floor. Gail stood up the second she saw a head of dark flowy hair turn the corner toward her, and it reminded her of the night at the hospital so many months ago, how Holly ran up to her concerned about her well-being and how she pulled the brunette into a crushing hug without caring if anyone was watching.

Relieved, Gail grabbed onto the sleeves of Holly's jacket to pull her into a hug similar as the one she got to reminisced about only half a second ago. Holly was panting, trying to catch her breath but Gail clung onto her anyway.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. Traffic was killer on the other side of town and my phone died and I was right outside when an elderly woman who looked like my grandma asked me for directions to a building further down the street and she had bad hearing and I brought her there before running here to you." Holly spoke hurriedly, still panting when they broke apart from their hug.

Gail shook her head and gave Holly a soft peck on her dry lips. "It's okay. You're here now."

"Are we late? Am I too late?" Holly looked at her watch and then at the door that they would have to enter in order to get hitched.

"You're just in time." Gail smiled sweetly and pulled her soon to be wife further into the building.

* * *

The newlyweds stood on the steps of the courthouse, both dressed in their Tuesday best – leather jackets and combat boots – smiling from ear to ear and exchanging sweet glances, trying to let it sink in. It felt like it happened far too quickly, exchanging I do's and slipping on the rings and filling out papers and the next thing they knew the judge was pronouncing them wife and wife. It felt bizarre and amazing at the same time.

"So what's next, wife?" Holly broke into her trademark grin, reaching forward to capture both of Gail's hands in hers. The feeling of the rings against their skin sent shivers down both their spines.

Gail smiled a toothy grin, she liked the sound of that. _Wife_. She could get used to hearing it from Holly's lips every day. And as a soft breeze swept over them, she lets go of one of Holly's hand to tuck her wife's hair behind her ear. "Now, we celebrate. First by getting burgers and shakes at the diner across the street and then back home in the sheets." Gail wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Thinking about our wedding night already, Gail?"

"Oh you have no idea, Holly."

Holly let her wife pull her in the direction of the diner across the street, hoping the thrill of being married to Gail Peck never ends.

* * *

The brunette was sound asleep on her bare shoulder, but Gail was wide awake, staring at her hand in the dark with only the sounds of her wife's steady breathing filling the bedroom. Several boxes filled with Holly's stuff were in the room, at the foot of the bed and by the door. Books were taken from shelves and clothes from drawers. Despite blacking out for a minute earlier thanks to the intense orgasm Holly had managed to coax out of her for the third time that night, Gail was too buzzed to fall asleep.

She stared at the silver band, not at all used to the feeling of that shiny little thing on her finger. Tomorrow, they would begin their life together as a married couple. They had a lot to talk about, things to settle and arrangements to be made. She couldn't wait to wake up tomorrow and kiss her wife good morning, perhaps squeeze in some morning sex and persuade her into making breakfast, but now as Gail stared at her ring, she just wanted to bask in her newlywed glow and enjoy the peaceful silence.

"Feels pretty surreal, huh?" Holly's words made Gail jumped slightly, not at all aware that the brunette was awake.

"Yeah," sighed Gail.

Holly reached out for Gail's hand that was hanging in the air and brought it to her lips, gently kissing each finger before pressing her lips lightly on the blonde's ring. Gail gasped at the soft feeling of Holly's lips on her hand, feeling it all the way down to her lower abdomen.

Holly removed her head from Gail's shoulder and in one swift movement she was sitting on top of Gail, and the blonde placed her hands on Holly's waist in return. Holly leaned down so that her body was fully on top of Gail's, causing her to shut her eyes and groan at the feeling of Holly's skin on hers. She only opened them when Holly took her face in her hand, stroking her cheek.

"Stay right where you are, okay? And I'll be back before you know it." Holly's voice broke at the end of her sentence and Gail's heart broke at the sight of brown eyes welling up with tears.

"You want me to stay in this bed for a year?" Amusement evident in Gail's tone as she tried to keep it light.

Holly nodded and her tears managed to escape, falling down her cheeks. "Yeah. I want to see you in this bed the second I return."

Gail was quick to wipe them away with her thumbs. "I'm not going anywhere, lunchbox." She lifted her left hand up in between the both of them and smiled. "Pretty sure I'm bound to you by law. And I'm a police officer, so I have to uphold the law, you know?"

Holly smiled and let out a short laughter and Gail's heart soared. It was now her duty to make Holly happy and she planned on doing it forever. Holly laid her head on Gail's chest, hearing the strong beating of her wife's heart.

"I love you, Gail."

"I love you, too." Gail stroked Holly's long wavy hair and kissed the head on her chest. "And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."


	23. Games

It was late and they were both tired. Still, they were unwilling to give up without a fight. They started when Mrs Rosenfeld’s radio was still blasting through the wall next door and dogs were still barking loudly on the busy roads that night, and now the streets were silent and peaceful and Mrs Rosenfeld and her radio had gone to sleep. They went from shouting at each other to hissing and whispering into the night. It was almost one in the morning and Gail was ready to end it and call it a night.

“No, don’t.” The brunette pleaded, refusing to end this yet.

“I don’t wanna do this anymore, Holly.” Gail crossed her arms, the frown was on her face for hours.

“Please,” Holly squeezed her arm. “I can’t do this without you.”

The blonde huffed, frowning even deeper but agreed anyway. They sat next to each other in silence as they waited. 

“If you do this, there’s no going back.” Holly looked at Gail, unsure what her girlfriend was going to do next.

“We’re going to do it my way one last time, then I’m going to bed with or without you.” Gail’s face was sheer determination as Holly looked at Gail’s character switch from a semi-automatic to a rocket launcher. 

The moment Gail blew up one of the many armoured cars in the area, all eyes were on them, choppers and fighter jets were flying toward them. After less than a minute of hiding behind crates and walls and fighting back, they were blown up by a missile from above. 

“Fuck!” Annoyed, Gail threw the controller onto the sofa. “That’s it, I’m done.”

“I told you that’s not going to work. We need to sneak in and kill whoever’s in our way, not go in guns blazing.” Holly raised her arms over the sofa, stretching her body.

“Whatever,” Gail leant further into the sofa, tired from all the gaming. “let’s go to bed.”

“Okay, let’s just try it one more time. My way.”

“No, Holly. We’ve tried your way for the past hour. We can play tomorrow.” whined Gail.

“C’mon, one last time, I promise. If we quit now we have to restart the whole mission.” Holly pulled at Gail’s sleeve, pouting with puppy dog eyes.  
Gail growled in frustration.

“Fine, one last time! Then I’m going to sleep.”

Holly moved closer to her girlfriend and kissed her on the lips. She felt Gail’s lips turning upward, smiling. When they broke apart, Holly picked up her controller and pressed the replay button. “I have a good feeling this time.”

And Holly was right. They finally managed to break into the building, stealthily killing enemies in their way and crack into a safe without any screw ups this time. As they completed the mission, Gail fist pumped into the air and Holly let out a relieved sigh before standing up from the sofa to switch off the TV and console.

“We make quite the team, Stewart.”

Holly walked back toward the sofa, looking down at the blonde. “Yeah? After failing for the thousandth time. I’ve lost count.” She plopped back down onto the chair and Gail hauled her into her lap.

“Well, you’re still way better than Chris or Dov.” Gail grinned, leaning in for a kiss. Despite complaints of exhaustion earlier, she was suddenly feeling rather frisky. Her hands were roaming all over Holly.

Holly remembered whenever the boys came over to hang out and play video games. Gail would scream some pretty impressive names at them. Before Gail, Holly only played video games as a way to relieve stress. But after meeting Gail and witnessing the blonde’s rage whenever she failed a mission or gets killed, Holly was sure Gail’s blood pressure would only increase from long hours of gaming. But that didn’t stop them this time. It was a new game that Holly had been waiting for almost two years. The highly anticipated game’s release date kept getting postponed till finally on that same day, it was out. 

They kissed for a few minutes in the dark living room, but before things can get too steamy, Holly stopped Gail’s hands from wandering over her thighs and moved away from the blonde. 

“I want victory sex.” Gail simply pouted.

“I thought you wanted to go to bed?” Holly stood up, hands on her hips and head tilted to the side, her trademark smirk on her face.

“Not anymore,” Gail bit her bottom lip and reached out to pull Holly back into her arms, only to have the brunette dodging her hands and walking up the staircase. 

“Well, _I_ certainly want to go to bed.” Holly jerked her thumb at herself and made her way to the master bedroom quickly, fast enough to strip out of her clothes and get under the blankets before Gail joined her.

“Tease.” Gail mumbled disapprovingly before trudging up the stairs like a five year old.

The five year old’s face definitely lit up like a Christmas tree when she reached the doorway and was greeted by a very naked Holly.


	24. Morrissey and Holly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to The Smiths when this idea came to me. I had “I Won’t Share You” stuck in my head when I wrote this.

“May I have this dance?”

You look up to see your wife smiling sweetly down at you, spotlights around the ballroom shining on her, brown eyes wide, eager and bright. You take her hand, thumb rubbing soothingly at the skin while you’re being led to the middle of the dance floor. You know Holly’d never miss the chance to dance with you the second The Smiths comes on, and you’re not going to say no to a dance with your beloved wife.

Arms tucked loosely around her shoulders, you stand close to her, close enough that you’re both breathing the same air, noses brushing and foreheads touching. She holds you close by your waist and you sigh softly trying to concentrate on this little bubble the both of you have created, finally having some time to yourselves that night.

It’s not hard to get lost in Holly’s eyes, the delicious slow sways of your hips, the alcohol in your system and Morrissey’s voice hypnotizes you and you forget the people around you, admiring and watching and talking about you, because you’re in Holly’s arms and that’s all that matters right now.

And when her lips meet yours in a tender kiss with the promise of what the night – the future – might possible hold, the outside world melts away completely as if no one else is there in the ballroom.

When the kiss is broken, you rub your cheek next to hers, earning another soft kiss from her where her lips can reach. “Finally, I can have you to myself.”

It’s true. After the ceremony, the day was filled with tight smiles, strong handshakes and stiff hugs. As the sun sets, with food in their bellies and the champagne keeps flowing, everyone is more relaxed and starting to have fun. You haven’t got time to yourselves until now, on the dance floor. Your friends and colleagues are all here in their best formal wear, never one to miss the opportunity for free booze. You know they’re here for you, because they love you, and you love them. You’d never be here without them, become the person you are now, and you’re very grateful to have every single one of them in your life and yes, that includes Sam.

“Thank you for doing this,” Holly whispers into your ear and the hair on the back of your neck stands.

You guys wanted to elope, possibly get it done at the courthouse and then have your own little private party at home in bed, but your mother had found out about your engagement – by traitor Steven Peck – faster than you can inhale a donut and demanded a wedding ceremony because you’re a Peck and she’s a Peck and Pecks don’t get married secretly.

So now here you are, standing in the middle of a ballroom at a swanky hotel your mother insisted on using as the venue, in a wedding dress with your beautiful wife dancing to The Smiths.

“I know this isn’t what we pictured, but this is nice.”

“Yeah,” Right now, you can’t argue with that. It _is_ nice, dancing with Holly after stuffing your face with cake and champagne. “it’s kinda nice.”

“And since you’ve behaved so well tonight, despite the fact that you threatened to bite Lisa’s head off, you shall be rewarded greatly later,” Holly’s voice drops into that sultry tone that never fails to make you blush almost immediately, and you open your eyes to make sure no one around you notices the redness in your face. “in bed.”

You gulp loudly and you can feel Holly’s smirk on your cheek. “Oh yeah? I’ll be looking forward to that.”

“You better,” She squeezes around your waist tightly as you try to calm your nerves. That woman will be the death of you.

Laying your head on her shoulder and sighing deeply, her hands continuing to guide your hips, the both of you dancing in comfortable silence.

As the song whisks you away into a pleasant and safe bubble, you can’t help but think it is only fitting that The Smiths is playing at your wedding. Like the lyrics to some of your favourite songs and Morrissey’s captivating voice, the love you and Holly share is wonderful, heart breaking, happy, tragic, it’s _beautiful_. It’s epic. It’s _extraordinary_. It’s all of the above.

You cannot remember how many times you’ve listened to that band. Whether it was on your day off alone in your apartment, on a lazy Sunday at Holly’s with your head in her lap as she read, or after a terrible fight with her for the thousandth time – how Morrissey’s voice stabs at your heart like Holly’s. It hurts as much as the tears that flowed down your cheeks.

When you were younger, a teenager who’d been heartbroken after the break up with your first love, you listened to The Smiths on repeat while you cried yourself to sleep. When Nick left you at the altar, you listened to them on your iPod in your hotel room, a bottle of whiskey in your left hand, a cigarette in your right. When Holly broke up with you the first time over a major fuck up on your part, you listened again as you stood on the rooftops, the cold harsh wind blowing into your face and into your soul.

When you finally decided to stop fucking around and playing games, to stop hurting the one person who truly ever loves you, you returned to her apartment on a cold Thursday night with The Smiths loud enough to be heard on the other side of the front door and used the spare key she had given you to let yourself in after 5 minutes of knocking. Holly had a bottle of wine in her hand, tear stains on her face and your Toronto Police Department sweatshirt on her body. She had never looked as heartbreakingly beautiful as she did then, raw and crestfallen, ready to pass out from exhaustion anytime. 

But then you fought again and cried again and apologized and made love to The Smiths playing on repeat.

The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. The songs have been there for you just like Holly ever since she came into your life.

“I love you,” You pick your head up from her shoulder, forehead touching hers again. “I’ve wanted you ever since you walked into my crime scene.”

You can hear the sudden gasp escape from her lips, but you continue anyway, tucking wavy brown her behind her left ear. “I’ve loved you ever since I thought you smelled like a decade old buried bones.”

Holly lets out a genuine laugh and it warms your heart like the first time you heard her laugh. “Even if I didn’t know it back then,” A single tear slides down her cheek but you’re quick to wipe it away, your hand staying and stroking the skin there. “I know now,” Her lips quiver now, and your hand is moving down towards them to caress those lips. “I’m here now,” You close the small gap between you and your wife, finally capturing those trembling lips in yours. “And I’m not letting you go.”

Not tonight, not this time, not any time. You’re here for the long run. For forever.


	25. Be Gail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you do a golly prompt about Gail feeling genderfluid and sometimes wearing a strap-on under her uniform. She feels a little embarrassed when Holly discovers her secret but Holly makes her feel comfortable and sexy just as she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Anon, this is definitely not my best piece of work. I'm honored you chose me to fill this prompt. I just hope I did it justice. Folks, if I'm wrong about anything, please feel free to let me know. I'd like to learn something new.

Gail stood in front of her bedroom mirror and stared at her body. She was in her uniform, twisting left and right to get a good look of herself, hands on her hips and eyes trained between her legs.

She didn't know what got into her when she first walked into the sex shop. She was sure her face was beet red when she had finally chosen one and went to make payment by the counter, but the reddish pink LED lighting of the establishment covered her blush well and she quickly paid for her purchase and returned to her car. She would've ordered it online, but that would be risking one of the boys accidentally (or not) opening the package. It was safer to buy it in person.

Curiosity. Years of curiosity was what driven her to buy a strap-on. Over the years, Gail wondered about the opposite gender. What it felt like to have a penis, to penetrate a girl. Ever since she was 14, Gail would sometimes stand naked in front of the mirror and examine herself. She would touch her chest and wondered what it was like to not have breasts, or what it felt like to grow facial hair. And then she would go to the mall and buy men's clothes with the money she saved from school. She wore them to school once in a while, when her parents were too busy to notice or away for work. Most of the time she wore them at home, in her own room where she felt safe. Steve thought his sister was simply a tomboy.

Then came the last year of high school and university, and Gail developed a 'fuck the world' attitude. She wore what she wanted and when she wanted, it could be a fancy tight dress, bright lipstick and eyeliner one day, and t-shirt, leather jacket, a cap and boots the next.

Gail thought it was just puberty messing with her until she became sexually active in university and she started asking boyfriends and one night stands questions about having a penis. Curiosity, that was natural. Then Gail started to have fantasies of taking a girl as a guy and wondering how it'd feel to be inside a woman like that. She'd check women out and wondered if she wanted them or wanted to be like them. Gail wondered if she was bisexual, until Holly came along and threw that theory out the window. Gail realized she was a lesbian and since then the curiosity had gotten stronger and standing in front of the mirror naked had gotten a lot more frequent.

And it felt pretty good – Gail had to admit while standing in front of her mirror with a bulge in between her legs – to be wearing a strap-on under her uniform pants. She felt confident, not that Gail hadn't felt confident, but she felt perfectly fine wearing it after she got over the initial weirdness of the situation.

"Hey honey—" Gail's gaze at her own reflection got pulled away to find Holly standing by her bedroom door, a look of confusion on her face to match Gail's horrific one. Gail got caught with a hand between her legs by her girlfriend.

"What are you doing here?!" Gail shouted as she quickly turned around from the brunette, completely embarrassed to be found in this position.

"I thought I'd surprise you with dinner and Dov let me in on his way to work." Holly frowned at Gail's weird behaviour. Why was the blonde reacting like Holly had caught her naked? And they had seen each other's body several times since they first started dating. "Why are you in your uniform on your off day? Have you been called in?"

Gail thought for a moment. She could get away with this. She could lie and say yes and sprint out the door for the bathroom, get rid of the strap-on and return to her room to get her work bag and leave the apartment. But she didn't want to lie to her girlfriend. Gail was absolutely embarrassed, but lying to Holly would be a mistake.

When Gail didn't respond, Holly walked to the blonde and placed a hand on her shoulder. Gail twitched at the contact and the brunette was absolutely confused by Gail's behaviour. "What's going on, Gail?"

"I—I…" Gail still refused to turn around and face Holly, she shrugged the hand off of her shoulder and walked a few steps away from her girlfriend.

Holly shook her head, feeling completely lost. This was a new level of being weird and distant, even for Gail. Sighing, Holly sat down at the foot of the bed and accidentally sat on a plastic bag and a torn box. She moved and lifted it up to take a good look. Her eyes widened in shock, but she recovered fairly quickly. Gail had a strap-on under her uniform? It was kind of hot, if Gail wasn't acting this way.

"Gail, if you wanted to use a strap-on, you should've just told me." Holly had a smirk on her face and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively when Gail finally turned around to look at her. The blonde didn't know what kind of response she was hoping for, but this definitely wasn't it.

"You're not freaked out?"

"Why would I be?" Holly said it like it was the most common thing in the world.

It was Gail who frowned this time. "Because," She pointed up and down her own body. "I have a strap-on under my uniform."

Holly leaned back on her hands. "Well, I gotta say the image of you taking me with a strap-on in your uniform is really hot."

Gail blushed, the image suddenly appearing in her head too. Yeah, that would be hot. "You're not gonna ask me why?"

Holly shrugged. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Gail sat down on the bed next to Holly and they sat next to each other in silence for a while until Gail decided to speak up.

"Recently… I've been having these thoughts. They were gone for a while, but sometimes they sneak up on me. I've had them since I was a teenager, but since dating you, it got a lot more frequent and the curiosity was getting to me." Gail blew out the nervous air from her lungs, afraid of what her girlfriend might think of her after this.

Holly reached for Gail's hand and squeezed encouragingly. She knew Gail was straight before they met, bisexual even, but it never occurred to Holly that Gail might be genderfluid. She leaned closer to Gail and listen attentively.

"I always wondered how it would feel like to be a guy. Sometimes I look at myself through the mirror and think, why do I have breasts? Or a vagina? Why am I a girl? And sometimes I'd have the urge to wear straight cut jeans, baggy t-shirts and walk and talk differently. Don't worry, I still love my amazing body and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I'm proud to be a woman and I still love my tight dresses and red lipsticks, but once in a blue moon I'd have these thoughts and sometimes feel kinda disappointed that I'm a girl. I'd never get to have sex with a girl with a penis, experience a boner and even grow a beard as awesome my dad's."

Holly took in Gail's words seriously and took some time to process what her girlfriend had said. She understood how Gail was feeling. She experienced something similar when she was younger too. She also had friends who felt uncomfortable in their bodies and identified themselves as genderqueer or something along that line on the gender spectrum.

"I get it, I do. It's perfectly okay to have these thoughts. I had them when I was struggling with my identity. When I finally realized that I'm a lesbian, everything was much clearer and life got much easier."

"But are they _just_ thoughts, though? I mean, so what am I now? How do I identify? Am I still a lesbian? Am I genderfluid? What pronouns am I even supposed to use?" Gail looked scared and confused at the same time and Holly felt bad for her girlfriend. These things were never easy, whether you were in your adulthood or still going through puberty.

"Honey, you don't have to label yourself as anything. Gender identity isn't black and white. You can't just choose one and stick with it forever. Every day we learn something new about ourselves. You have all the time in the world to figure it out, nobody's pressuring you except yourself." Holly squeezed Gail's hand again before continuing. "You could just be experiencing genderfluidity every once in a while. It's normal."

Gail sighed. "Jesus. Why can't things ever be simple?"

Holly just smiled in response. There wasn't any good explanation for that anyway.

"So you don't think I'm weird?"

Holly leaned closer so she could kiss the blonde. She placed both of her palms on Gail's cheeks and kissed her softly. "Nothing about you is weird. I don't care what you identify yourself as, I mean I do care, but what's more important is that you keep being yourself. Be _Gail_."

"Be Gail," The blonde nodded. "I can do that."

Gail pulled Holly in for another kiss and this time hands were roaming around each other's bodies and soon both women were out of breath with flushed cheeks.

"Have I told you you're the most wonderful person I've ever met?"

Holly smirked, still panting from their passionate kiss. "You can tell again and again on this bed tonight."


	26. If I Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Golly prompt: Golly + If I Stay, set after SF, Gail has a car accident and she goes into a coma. She must decide if she leaves or stays while in the hospital Holly is right next to her asking her to stay.

Gail jumped in her chair as if she had fallen asleep in it hours ago. She was met with bright fluorescent lights, the familiar smell of disinfectant and the steady beeping of machines. How was she even at a hospital? The last thing Gail remembered was driving up to the cabin with her parents. Were they in an accident? Gail shot out of the chair that was at the other end of the room to get to the person lying on the bed.

She gasped loudly, absolutely shocked at what she was seeing. Herself. Gail was lying on a hospital bed with hundreds of tubes attached to her body. Except she wasn't. She was also standing in the middle of the hospital room in her own clothes and without a scratch on her.

_What the hell is happening?_

Gail looked out the window to see her brother and colleagues outside the room, every one of them looking utterly devastated. A doctor was talking to Steve with a grim look on his face. Traci and Chloe were crying, and Gail walked to the automatic doors expecting it to open for her, but it didn't. _Hey!_ She banged on it a few times and shouted their names but there was no reaction from any of them, as if she was a ghost. _Oh my God, am I having one of those out of body experiences because I'm dying?_

When she realized there was no use kicking and screaming, Gail stopped and put her ears against the door, trying to hear what the doctor was saying to Steve. She could make out the words 'critical condition', 'coma' and 'might not make it through the night'. When the doctor was done talking and answering questions, he left and Steve almost collapsed onto the floor. Traci put her arms around his waist and held onto him as they cried both cried into each other's shoulders. Oliver and Chris were standing close to the couple with their heads hung low, Nick was leaning against the wall away from the rest, Dov was comforting Chloe as painful tears slipped out of his eyes and Andy was holding onto Sam. It was a devastating sight for Gail. A sob escaped her before she could put her hand over her mouth, tears flowing over her fingers down to the ground.

Then she remembered. _Holly._

_She had only just made it home after a tiring shift. Gail opened the door to her empty and cold apartment, hungry and ready to pass out. She dropped her bag onto the floor and went into the kitchen for something to drink and eat. She opened her fridge to find a couple slices of leftover pizza and the last bottle of beer. After putting her dinner into the microwave she took a sip of her ice cold beer, leaned against the counter and sighed heavily. Almost a year ago, she had an amazing girlfriend and she was about to become a mother. Now, Gail was still a single beat cop living in a barely furnished apartment eating leftover pizza. Maybe she was destined to be alone forever._

_And tomorrow morning she had to be stuck in a car with her parents as they drove to the family cabin to celebrate the holidays. Elaine refused to let Gail drive up there herself in case she tried to bail on family time. Dex had Leo for the week and Traci and Steve were already there. She groaned loudly into her empty apartment._

_There was a knock right after the microwave beeped and Gail wondered who would be here so late at night. Maybe it was her neighbour looking for her cat again. That furry bastard always wandered around the building at night. Without thinking twice, Gail swung her door open without looking through the peephole. Blue eyes widened in surprise. It was Holly._

_Holly Stewart was standing right in front of her outside her shitty apartment, shivering from the cold with a huge suitcase in her hand. The brunette's eyes glistened with tears and her lips quivered as she muttered Gail's name. It was the first time Gail heard Holly's voice since they broke up and to hear the brunette say her name once again felt like pure bliss._

_Gail practically leaped into Holly's arms, all the heartbreak and history between them forgotten in this moment. There would be talking later, possibly even kissing, but right now both women just needed to feel each other's presence, to be in each other's arms._

_"I love you."_

_It was so soft that both Gail and Holly didn't know who actually said it, but in their hearts they definitely knew it was true._

After Steve calmed down and regained his composure, he hugged Traci one last time before entering the room by himself. Gail wiped her own tears and moved away from the door to let him enter.

_Steve! Where's Mum and Dad? Where's Holly? Call Holly!_

Gail cussed under her breath when Steve simply pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat down with a sigh. Gail couldn't imagine what it must felt like to be in his shoes. If Steve were unconscious like this, Gail would probably hide in a corner and cry her eyes out before kicking over bins and punching walls. Gail smiled painfully. Steve was always better at this kind of stuff. When their cat died, Steve buried it and offered Gail a shoulder to cry on. When their beloved Grandma Judy passed away, Steve was her rock. He kept his cool, never breaking in front of their family although she knew Steve was also hurting inside. Steve was one of the strongest person Gail had ever met.

Steve sighed for a second time before reaching out to Gail's body and taking her small pale hand in his. He leaned forward to get closer to Gail and tears returned immediately but he refused to let them fall. Gail put a hand on his shoulder, hoping he could feel her presence and it would be comforting for him.

"Remember when you were 11 and you had that accident at the cabin?"

_Yeah, I remember._

"We were at the cabin for the summer and Mum warned you like a hundred times to never go out onto the lake alone. But during our first night there, you decided to put go for a swim and you slipped on some rocks and hit your head. Luckily a bunch of teens had the same idea as you and they found you floating in the water, unconscious. The Pecks must be popular around that area, because they knew who you were and where you were staying and they carried you back to our cabin."

He sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "Remember when you woke up at the hospital and Mum went completely insane over the stunt you pulled, told you that you had ruined our vacation, that you were grounded for a year and you hated her afterwards? Well, Dad and I never told you before, but when Mum opened the front door to see your bloodied body lying on the front porch, she was terrified. She was so afraid you were going to die that Mum cried the whole way to the nearest hospital. She also prayed by your bedside and never left once, right until you finally woke up. Can you imagine Mum praying?"

"I don't know why I'm telling you this," Steve laughed bitterly at the memory. It was such a long time ago. He squeezed Gail's hand hoping for some kind of response from his sister but sighed when there wasn't one. "I guess my point is, both Mum and Dad loved you. Their gone now, but the love they had for you isn't. I will be here, I will love you on their behalf now. All you gotta is open your eyes, little sister."

_Loved? Mum and Dad are gone? My parents are dead?_

Gail backed away from Steve until her back hit the wall. She slid down and brought her knees close to her chest, hugging them as her tears returned. She cried loudly as Steve cried silently in front of her. Both parents gone in one accident. Her chest was cracked open and every sobbed felt like her guts were spilling out onto the floor. Maybe she should join her parents instead of being stuck here. Let her body and soul fade away and put everyone out of their misery as they waited for any kind of good news.

* * *

Holly's foot tapped nervously against the elevator floor, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth as she waited for the door to open at the correct level. The second the door opened and the elevator dinged, Holly immediately spotted the sea of blues crowding the hallway outside of the ICU. She ran toward them and Oliver enveloped her in a big warm hug the moment he saw her.

When Oliver called her to tell her the news, Holly was in the neighbourhood, strolling through the city and had stumbled into a bookshop only seconds before the phone call. Oliver knew Holly was town because the brunette had contacted him before returning to the city to ask for Gail's address.

Before Oliver could tell her to sit tight at wherever she was so he could assign someone to go get her, Holly had already hung up the phone and was out the door headed toward the hospital down the street.

She clung onto Oliver and looked over his shoulder. Gail's friends were present with tear stained faces. They all looked surprised to see the doctor back in Toronto, but welcomed her with small smiles anyway.

Holly pulled away from the staff sergeant but kept her hands on his arms. "What happened?"

Oliver sighed. "They were in a car accident on the way to the cabin. It was snowing heavily and the road was slippery. Bill lost control of the car. They were stuck in the wreckage for quite some time before paramedics got there. Then it took another hour or so for the ambulance to return to the city."

Holly's eyes travelled across the hallway to look into Gail's room. She couldn't make out her face, but she could tell her girlfriend was unconscious and breathing through the ventilator. That wasn't a good sign at all. She also noticed Steve was in there with her.

"H-how is she?"

When Oliver said nothing and simply looked at her with sympathetic eyes, Holly couldn't take the suspense. She shook the man, hoping to get something out of him. "Tell me, Oliver!"

She felt a hand on her shoulder gently pulling her away. It was Traci.

"Gail suffered from broken ribs, a fractured arm and head trauma. Her brain is swollen and the doctor said that if the swelling doesn't go down in the next 24 hours…"

Traci didn't need to finish her sentence, Holly knew exactly what was going to happen if the swelling doesn't stop. Gail could die.

Her knees buckled and suddenly her legs felt too weak to support her upper body. Holly felt lightheaded from the news, as if she could throw up anytime. Traci and Oliver were quick to catch her before she collapsed onto the floor. They led her to the nearest chair and gestured for her to sit down. Everything was slowing down. Her vision blurred, she couldn't hear what Traci and Oliver were saying in front of her. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe.

The doors slid open and Steve was shocked to see Holly. Holly looked up at her girlfriend's brother when he called her name. Gail quickly stood up from the floor when she heard Steve calling Holly's name.

_Holly's here._ She quickly exited the room before the doors closed.

_Holly!_ Gail gasped when she saw the state Holly was in. The brunette was in shock, tears streaming down her face. Gail went to her and kneeled in front of her weeping girlfriend. She placed a hand on her thigh and choked back a sob when Holly simply looked through her and couldn't feel the hand on her leg.

"I didn't know you were back in town, I would've called you sooner." Steve combed a hand through his hair before sitting next to her. "But we only got here ourselves. Traci and I were informed at the cabin and we rushed straight down the second we got the call."

Steve raised his arm over Holly's shoulders to pull her into a hug. "You should go in and see her."

Holly squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't have the courage to go in. She couldn't see Gail like this. Once she stepped into the room, it would become reality. Gail might not make it through the night and they would never get the chance they so desperately wanted in order to start over.

Gail watched her brother and her girlfriend like she had front row seats at the cinema. She was so close to them, yet so far away at the same time.

Suddenly finding her voice and energy to move, Holly sat up and looked into the blue eyes that looked so similar to Gail's that it hurt. "What about your parents? Are they okay?"

_They're dead, Hol. And I could be next._

There was a palpable silence and it spread through the hallway. When Steve didn't respond, she looked at every one of them, all quiet with sadness in their eyes. "Oh my God."

Steve rubbed his face, a fresh round of tears welling up in his eyes again. "They didn't make it."

Holly leaned back against the chair, feeling as if someone had punched her in the chest. This was a fucking disaster. How did it end up like this? Holly closed her eyes, hoping all of this was a nightmare, that she was dreaming. When she opened her eyes again, she was greeted with the same grim faces and awful bright walls. If she tried hard enough, she could still feel Gail's fingertips on her face from that morning.

Gail, still kneeling in front of the brunette, could only watch as her girlfriend's heart break into a million pieces. It was unfair for Holly – for all of them – to go through this. _I'm sorry, Hol. I'm so sorry._

* * *

_"Is this what it feels like?"_

_Gail's hands were tracing Holly's curves, trying to remember what it felt like to run her hands all over the brunette's soft, smooth skin. No, she wasn't exactly trying to remember the feeling. She still remembered after all this time, she just wanted to remind herself that this wasn't a dream. That Holly was really there, in her bed, naked. That this was reality._

_Holly quirked an eyebrow, smiling lazily at the blonde. "What do you mean?"_

_"To be in love," Gail brushed brown hair away from her face, her hand stroking Holly's cheek. She had a goofy grin on her face. "like everything seems brighter, like the world is a much better place now that you're next to me."_

_Holly laughed loudly and the sounds of her laughter echoed against the walls of the bedroom and into Gail's heart and skin, soaking it all in. "Gail Peck, you've become soft and cheesy. I should record this."_

_Gail lifted her leg up across the brunette's body, climbing on top of her. Pale hands cradling Holly's face and thumbing her ears before Gail bit down on her jaw tenderly. Both women moaned at the skin on skin contact. God, that felt good. "I don't think you have a right to judge because you've been a cheeseball since the day I met you."_

_"Yes, this is exactly how it feels like to be in love." Holly purred, revelling in the feeling of Gail's lips on her skin. She definitely made the right decision to come back to Toronto and to Gail. Probably the best decision she had ever made since becoming a forensic pathologist. "Now, less talking and more kissing. You gotta leave soon."_

_Gail whined and pouted, suddenly remembering her parents were coming to pick her up in an hour or two. "Maybe you should come with me."_

_Holly thought about it for a moment, but decided against it. "Nah, you should spend some time with your family. Besides, I have things to do. Like settling in and getting my old job back. I'll see you in a week's time."_

_"This sucks. I just got you back." Gail whined again. Holly tried to kiss the pout away until Gail smiled into the kiss._

_"Yeah, this sucks. But we'll have all the time in the world once you're back."_

_"You promise?"_

_Holly brushed blonde hair back behind Gail's ear. "I promise."_

She was glued to her seat for hours. No one pushed her to go into Gail's room. Friends and family went in and out, some squeezing Holly's shoulder on their way out. Traci brought her coffee but she only took a sip and let it grow cold in her hands. Gail had been beside her the whole time, stroking her cheek, touching her arm and saying comforting words. Gail knew it was useless, but she couldn't stand to watch Holly be in this state.

When Holly finally felt ready enough to see Gail, she stood up with her arms across her chest, slowly walking through the sliding doors and into the room where her girlfriend laid.

A hand flew to her mouth to cover a sob at the sight of Gail hooked up to multiple machines. When she got close enough, she could see the cuts and bruises on the blonde's beautiful face. The face she caressed and worshipped that morning. The face she kissed and mumbled 'I love you's' at. Her left arm was covered in a cast.

_I'm right here, Holly._ Gail placed a hand gently on Holly's shoulder as sobs wracked the brunette's body, her own tears streaming down her face for the hundredth time that day. God, she was _so_ tired.

Holly sat down on the chair and took Gail's hand in hers. She felt sick at how cold it felt against hers.

"Hey honey. I know I'm late. I just… I couldn't."

_I know._

"I wasn't ready."

_I know, Hols. It's okay._

"But I'm here now."

She stood up to place a lingering kiss on Gail's forehead and stroke the part of her face that wasn't covered with bruises.

"I just got you back, Gail." She cried into Gail's shoulder, seeking comfort from the fact that the machines were still beeping, because it meant Gail was still alive.

_I just got you back, too._

Holly moved away from Gail and wiped her face although the tears weren't going to stop anytime soon. She sat back down and held Gail's hand in both of hers.

"I'm sorry about your parents." The brunette kissed the pale hand in between her tanned ones. "I know you must be so tired. I heard you were a fighter. You could've just slipped away during surgery, but you didn't. You fought. And you're still fighting. You're so strong, honey."

_You're the reason I'm still fighting._

She kissed each finger and tasted her salty tears on Gail's skin. "But you don't have to keep fighting. I know it hurts. You're probably in a lot of pain. But you can go, baby. You can let go," Holly's voice cracked at her own words and Gail's heart broke too. "and we'll all be okay."

_But I love you._

"But if you wanna stay, we'll have all the time in the world. I promise. I love you so much."

Suddenly, a bright light appeared beyond the automatic doors of her room, so bright that it blinded Gail. It was warm unlike the freezing temperatures of the hospital. It felt welcoming, like a hug from her dad. Like sunflower fields, sunshine and rainbows. She could feel the warmth on her skin and she was really, really tempted to follow the light. She took a small step towards it, and another, and then another. She raised her arm and her fingers tingled with the delicious heat waiting for her on the other side of the door.

But Holly's cries made her whip her head around, the bright light beginning to dull as her feet carried her back to the brunette's side.

The warm light felt nice, but it wasn't home. Home was lying in bed with Holly. Home was a cup of freshly brewed coffee. And the sound of snow hitting the windows and the creaking of floorboards. Home was the woman she loved, the woman she craved. Gail wasn't ready to leave her home yet.

She closed her eyes. It felt like hours before she opened them again. This time her body ached and her head felt like it got hit by a bullet train. She realized she was back in her body again and Holly's head was on the bed beside her right hand. She choked on the tube that was stuck in her throat, the machines beeping faster now. Holly jerked her head up in surprise.

"Gail?"


	27. She Deserves Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Golly prompt: Gail met Holly when Nick were undercover with Andy. Now, he is back and Holly hates him because Gail deserves better.

_Gail had to admit, it had been too long since she'd laughed like this. Genuine, loud, stomach-clenching and eye-watering laughter. Sure, she felt utterly spent by the time she reached home, but the night was perfect - just what she needed to unwind. It felt amazing. It felt amazing to be around Holly._

_The pair came to a stop in front of Gail's apartment building, shoulders brushing against each other's as the blonde laughed at one of Holly's lame jokes. She sighed happily but suddenly feeling a little sad that the night was coming to an end. "Who knew hitting a couple of balls could be so tiring?"_

_"I'm pretty sure it was more than just a couple. You weren't that bad once you got the hang of it." Holly turned to face Gail, who had a grin on her face that matched her own. Holly was glad that her new friend enjoyed herself that evening._

_During the walk back to Gail's, the butterflies in her stomach fluttered wildly and her heart thundered in her chest, the sound of her beating heart loud and clear in her ears. She felt like she was 16 again, going on her first date with another girl. Was this a date? Or just new friends hanging out and getting to know each other? The lingering gazes and playful touches didn't feel like friends hanging out at all. Holly was sure there was flirting involved._

_"Well, I had a great teacher." Gail's face hurt from all the smiling, but she couldn't help it. Holly had that effect on her._

_A particularly strong and cold wind swept over the city and Gail shivered slightly. Holly's hands automatically reached for Gail and rubbed at her arms trying to keep her warm. Gail felt her cheeks grow hot, no longer shivering from the cold but from Holly's touch._

_"I should go," mumbled Gail as she stood rooted to the spot._

_Holly paused her movements, leaving her hands on top of Gail's shoulders. She looked up into Gail's beautiful blue eyes, eyes she couldn't stop looking at the whole night. She felt a strong current of courage coursing through her body, urging her to kiss the woman in front of her._

_She brought her right hand up to brush a stray strand of hair behind Gail's ear before cupping her pale warm cheek. Gail took in a sharp breath as Holly moved closer. Her body moved on its own accord, closing the gap until she felt the brunette's body flushed against her own._

_The winds were getting stronger, and Gail was pretty sure it was freezing, but her whole body was on fire and she felt light headed. Holly's lips tasted like something she couldn't explain, something amazing but indescribable. Something sacred. Gail was feeling extremely lucky to feel those lips on hers. But the moment she brought her hands around Holly's waist to pull her in closer, the kiss was over._

_"I'm sorry."_

_Suddenly the freezing temperature replaced the warm fuzziness she felt only a second ago and headlights shone as a car drove by. The moment was over. Holly pushed Gail away gently, putting some distance between them as if that would make her want to stop kissing Gail._

_"I'm not sorry." Gail attempted to close the gap this time, already missing the feel of Holly's lips on hers, but the brunette stopped her._

_"It was a mistake." Holly shook her head, regret clearly seen on her face._

_Gail's mood fell at Holly's words. Of course. Of course it was a mistake. Holly'd never be interested in someone like her. Holly could do better._

_"You're with Nick."_

_Nick's name felt like a bucket of ice water being thrown in her face. Right. Nick. She had a boyfriend. A boyfriend she'd forgotten throughout the night until now, until Holly brought him up. A boyfriend who'd gone undercover for almost 6 months without telling her. She rubbed her face in her hands and looked up at the dark sky before closing her eyes and taking a deep calming breath._

_When she felt ready enough to look at Holly, her eyes kept looking at those lips as she muttered something under her breath. "I'm with Nick." Gail just couldn't look away._

_Holly bit her bottom lip, Gail wasn't really being subtle about staring at her lips, her blue eyes dark with lust._

_"I should probably go. It's getting late," Holly cleared her throat, breaking Gail's hazy thoughts. "have a good night."_

_Holly left Gail standing outside her building craving for those lips. She never looked back, even though she desperately wanted to._

* * *

Gail flipped her phone over in her hand, staring at the device as she took another sip of her whiskey at the bar. It had been 3 days since that night, 3 days since she last talked to or seen Holly. It was weird. They'd been talking and texting each other every day for almost a month since she first met the brunette and now it felt weird not talking to her for 3 days straight. Like her whole body felt funny, her brain not working right and like there was a pit at the bottom of her stomach. She hadn't been assigned to the lab, and when she finally worked up the courage to look for Holly there, the brunette was out on a case.

A lot happened in those 3 days. Nick and Andy were back and things were returning to normal again. Nick was back in her life, in her arms and in her bed, but every single moment felt different. When Nick returned a day after her night out with Holly, Gail felt guilty about the kiss. She debated whether or not she should tell Nick and that he had a right to know. But then Gail's blood boiled whenever she saw Nick around Andy.

Like right now, as Gail was sitting by the bar alone and Nick was at the other end of the establishment laughing and joking and standing a little too close to Andy. _Fuck it._ Gail unlocked her phone and looked for the contact she wanted. She wanted to talk to the brunette. Gail needed to see her.

Gail frowned as a familiar laughter travelled through the room before she tapped the call button. She whipped her head around toward the front door the second she heard Holly's warm voice by the door. Holly was with another woman. Gail watched as Holly had her hand on the woman's back, guiding her to the nearest empty booth. They exchanged a few words before Holly turned and headed for the bar, unaware of Gail's presence.

When Holly finally saw the blonde by the bar, she froze for a second before continuing the short walk toward the bar, bracing herself for what was to come.

"Hey, Gail."

"Hey," Gail finished the rest of her drink before ordering another. Her eyes trained on the attractive woman who came in with Holly. "who's that?"

"Um," Holly shifted uncomfortably, her eyes unable to meet Gail's. "my date."

Gail nodded, both hands now holding onto her new glass of whiskey. Any tighter the glass would probably break in her hands. "I see."

Holly ordered her drinks as she searched for something to say. It was the first time she felt awkward around Gail. "Drinking alone?"

Gail sipped her drink, a thumb jerking behind her shoulder. "Nick's here."

Holly followed where Gail's thumb was pointing at to see a man chatting animatedly with Officer McNally. She'd met the police officer that day at a crime scene. If Holly hadn't known, she'd probably think those two over there were a couple, not Gail and Nick. They were being too friendly and flirty around each other.

Holly felt her face growing warm at the sight. Gail deserved better, she deserved someone who'd pay attention to her, make her smile and laugh, make her happy. Not make her sit here all by herself as he laughed a little too loudly at something Andy just said.

The bartender placed her drinks on the bar and her attention was back on Gail. She looked miserable. "I gotta go," Holly slapped some bills on the table and pointed at the blonde as she talked to the bartender. "her next round's on me."

Holly picked her drinks up and left without looking back and Gail watched as she returned to her date.

* * *

By the time Nick returned to where Gail was sitting, she was sick of staring a hole into the back of Holly's head. Nick barely said a word to her, awkwardly finishing his beer trying and failing to make small talk.

"Okay that's it," Nick raised his hands over his head. "what's wrong with you tonight?"

"What's wrong with _me_? Who's the one flirting with Andy all night?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nick looked around them, hoping no one would overhear their conversation. "we're just friends."

"I don't know what happened during the last 6 months undercover, but something's changed. Don't think I haven't seen you eye-fucking Andy every minute you get. I'm not blind."

When Nick looked guiltily down at his own hands, Gail spoke again. "Do you have feelings for her?"

"I don't know."

"That's not a no." Gail jumped off the stool, picked up her coat and turned to leave. "You know what, we're done."

Nick called out twice but didn't go after her, which Gail was glad for. She couldn't take it anymore. Nick and Andy and Holly and her date being shoved in her face. She pushed the door open and braced the freezing weather.

* * *

_Holly overheard Nick shouting Gail's name and couldn't help but turn her head to see the blonde walking out the front door. She wondered what happened as Nick stayed seated on a barstool looking upset._

_"You're distracted." Her date, Emily, looked slightly annoyed._

_Holly turned her attention back to Emily. "Sorry."_

_"It's that girl, isn't it? The one you met at the bar, the one who just left? You like her."_

_It wasn't a question. Emily had it all figured out the second Holly returned with their drinks. Holly was distracted the whole time and she was trying her best not to turn around to look at the blonde. Holly sighed heavily in response, feeling bad for ruining their date. She watched as Emily picked up her bag and slipped on her jacket._

_When her date stood up, Holly did too. Emily closed the distance to give the brunette a friendly hug. "I hope she's worth it." God, Holly hoped so too._

_"I'm really sorry, Emily."_

_"Me too."_

Holly decided to leave too, shortly after Emily left. She finished her drink and slid out of the booth and saw Nick ordering another drink. If she were Nick, Holly would go after Gail and make things right. She shivered slightly when she was met with a strong breeze, her cheeks hurting from the cold. Despite the weather, Holly decided to take a walk, hoping the cold wind would slap some sense into her. Emily was a great girl, a nurse working at the same hospital as Rachel. She was sweet and funny and beautiful, but her mind was occupied by another person. Someone who'd never be with her.

Passing by the alley next to the Penny, Holly saw a head of platinum blonde hair leaning against the wall. "Gail?"

Upon hearing her name, Gail quickly moved away from the wall to look at Holly. If she was surprised to see the brunette, Gail hid it well. "Hey."

"Are you okay?" Holly walked into the alley but tried not to stand too close to Gail.

Gail nodded. She should be feeling sad about her breakup with Nick but she wasn't. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest. She felt lighter now. "I broke up with Nick."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You deserve so much better." Holly blushed as she looked down at her feet, kicking a stone away with a left foot. If she looked at Gail she would've seen the blonde's flushed cheeks too.

Gail cleared her throat and tried to change the subject. "Where's your date?"

"She went home."

Gail frowned. "So soon? Did you bore her with your lame jokes?"

"She told me I was distracted."

"By what?"

"The girl at the bar. She could tell I like her."

"Do you?"

They were both done playing games. This was the time to get their feelings out in the open, to admit, to confess, to be vulnerable. Gail couldn't ignore the stirring in her stomach and how her mouth went dry as she stared at the lips she had been craving since their kiss 3 days ago.

Holly nodded. "Yes."

That was the only answer Gail needed. She took the few steps needed toward Holly and pulled her in, kissing her with her hands in the brunette's hair. It wasn't like the first kiss they shared, this was needy and passionate and it conveyed the words Gail couldn't say out loud. Holly kissed her back with the same fervour, her arms around Gail's waist.

They only broke apart when a group of people walked by, talking and laughing out loud into the night. Feeling slightly embarrassed, Gail hid her face in Holly's hair, her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"I don't want to waste any more time." Holly whispered into Gail's ear and tightened her grip on Gail's waist. Gail's heart raced and she gasped softly at Holly's words, the smell of Holly's hair and perfume calming her a little.

Gail gently pushed Holly away far enough to look her in the eye. Her hands were on Holly's shoulders and then on her neck. Gail licked her lips as she chose her next words carefully. "I–I want this. I want you."

Holly gulped at Gail's confession, feeling the heat rise from her neck up to her cheeks. She moved closer until their foreheads were touching.

"I want you too."


	28. Number Prompts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Number prompts from Tumblr.

**1\. He wouldn't stop crying.**

It only took half a second before the front door swung open to reveal a distraught Steve with baby Noah wailing in his arms. He let his sister and her girlfriend in before practically throwing his son over to Gail like a football.

"Really, Steve? Traci's not even gone for more than half a day." Gail hugged her nephew closer to her, but the boy was fidgeting too much and refusing to calm down. Noah's cries were loud enough to burst her eardrums soon.

"I don't know what's wrong. I already fed and changed him. He's been crying for about an hour."

Steve was at a loss. He'd managed to convince Traci to go for a spa and shopping trip with Andy and assured his wife that he'd be perfectly capable of taking care of their son for a day. He was so close to calling Traci but decided to ask Gail for help first.

Gail tried patting the boy's back, cooing and rocking back and forth, but it didn't work. Gail frowned, her face similar to Steve's whenever they'd get stressed.

Holly went into Noah's room to get a thermometer. She placed it in Noah's ear as Gail tried to keep his head from moving too much. "He's not having a fever. Maybe gas?"

"Let me." She reached for Noah and Gail deposited her nephew into her girlfriend's arms. It was Holly's turn to try.

It was like magic. Under Holly's touch, the crying stopped almost immediately and baby Noah's flushed face started to relax from all the screaming. Holly brought him even closer to her chest, and Noah snuggled against the brunette before yawning and falling asleep.

"Holly, you're amazing." Steve whispered into Holly's ear and shook his head when she offered to return a slumbering Noah back to him. "I think you should put him in his crib."

Gail was sprawled across the sofa as shook her head in disappointment. "Why don't you make yourself useful by ordering us some food then?"

When Steve left the room, Gail watched her girlfriend carry Noah into his room slowly, afraid of waking him up. Gail looked around Steve and Traci's living room. Baby stuff on every surface of the room. The stroller by the front door. The sliding doors that led to the backyard. Framed photos of the Peck and Nash family. For a moment, she was jealous of her brother. It must be nice to have a family to come home to every night. She could picture all of this with Holly.

Holly returned to the living room and lifted one of Gail's legs and moved it to make space for herself. She placed a hand over Gail's thigh and squeezed. "What are you thinking about?"

Gail straightened her posture and pointed around them. "Do you think this could be us one day?"

Holly looked around the living room and immediately knew what Gail was asking. A nice house, a baby, a life together. Grow old together. She squeezed Gail's thigh again. "Yeah."

Gail picked up Holly's hand and kissed the top of her hand, her fingertips and her knuckles. There wasn't a hint of doubt in Holly's voice. Her smile matched the brightness of the sun during summertime. Her eyes wet and shining with adoration. Holly didn't even need to give Gail a verbal answer, she'd able to see it in her face anyway.

"Let's have a baby?"

"Buy me a ring and then we'll see."

* * *

**5\. He was here just now.**

Gail had a sweet smile on her face as she got out of the patrol car that she'd parked near the playground. Holly had the day off and they'd decided to meet for an impromptu lunch date. The sweet smile on Gail's face disappeared as she watched a frantic Holly turn from left to right, looking around for something. She tightened her hold on the bag of sandwiches she was carrying and picked up her pace. Something was wrong.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Gail made her way up to Holly, squeezing her shoulder to stop the brunette from fidgeting too much.

"Ralph," Holly looked up at Gail, eyes wide with panic. "Ralph's missing."

Gail frowned, she had no idea what her girlfriend was talking about. "Who the hell is Ralph?"

"Lisa's puppy. She asked me to babysit Ralph for the day. She left Ralph with me right before I was leaving to come meet you." Holly brushed her hand over her hair.

"Okay. Have you checked around the park?"

"Yes, I've looked around but he's not here. I only looked away for a second to check my phone. He was just here!" Holly pointed to the patch of grass in front of them.

Holly pushed her glasses to the top of her head and pinched at the bridge of her nose. She sighed deeply before pushing her glasses back down, ready to look for Ralph again.

Gail looked around them. The place was quite massive, so it was easy to miss parts of the park. She placed the bag of food on the bench and nodded. "Let's look around again."

They split from each other to cover more ground, Gail checking between bushes and flowerbeds inch by inch, making sure she covered everywhere. She sighed when she was far enough from Holly. This wasn't what she'd planned for their lunch date. The weather was nice and she'd bought sandwiches from her favourite deli. But finding a missing puppy was more important, obviously.

She turned to look for Holly, who was shouting Ralph's name and asking strangers if they'd come across a tiny Labrador retriever. Gail had a more subtle and calm approach in finding Ralph.

When she was near a new set of bushes, Gail heard a soft whine that she'd miss if she wasn't listening carefully. She cleared the branches and leaves to find Ralph and its sad puppy dog eyes, crying in pain. Something about the dog looked wrong. When Gail realized that Ralph had probably broken his leg, her heart ached a little for the poor animal.

"Holly, he's here!" Gail shouted across the park and the brunette immediately ran towards the blonde.

"Oh my god, Ralph!" Holly was relieved to find the puppy, but horrified to see that he was hurt.

"I think he broke his leg." Holly moved nearer towards Ralph, slowly and carefully picking him up into her arms. Ralph's soft wails broke Holly's heart, and she cooed at the Labrador retriever. They took off toward the patrol car for the vet right away. Gail jogged to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for Holly before driving the three of them to the nearest vet clinic.

When Ralph was prepped for surgery, Gail and Holly slumped onto the bench by the front counter of the clinic with relieved sighs. The blonde looked at her watch and frowned.

"I gotta go, Hols. Lunchtime's over."

Holly looked guilty and tired at the same time. "I'm sorry you had to miss lunch."

"It's okay. I'll just get a snack at the station." Gail stood from the bench and smiled softly at Holly.

Holly nodded and stood up too. Gail leaned in for a quick kiss on Holly's lips.

"You'd be okay waiting alone?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll call Lisa and let her know."

"Let me know how it goes? I'll have someone come pick you up later if you want." Gail headed for the door but her attention was still on Holly.

Holly nodded and sat back down on the chair. She took out her phone, ready to call her friend. "I'll let you know. Be safe."

Gail swung the door open and lingered by the door for a second before turning back to look at Holly. She looked sad and worried for the puppy. Gail let go of the door and walked back towards her girlfriend, planting a lingering kiss on top of her head.

"Ralph's going to be fine."

* * *

**6\. You took too long.**

_Warning, this is… not PG._

What was supposed to be a quick consultation at the lab became a double murder crime scene in the middle of nowhere, north of the city. It was freezing cold and the area had poor cell phone reception. Holly didn't actually have the time to let Gail know that date night had to be postponed until she was back at the lab by dropping the blonde a short message.

It was both women's day off, even though Holly was on call. They had planned on lazing around in bed till noon, maybe go to the park after brunch or to the science centre for this super cool exhibition Holly had wanted to check out and then dinner at Giorgio's, Gail's favourite restaurant.

But Holly's phone had to ring at 8 in the morning. The universe really hated them, Gail was sure of that.

It was close to 10pm by the time Holly dragged her tired feet up the steps of her apartment. Every movement felt like a chore, an effort. She wasn't even hungry anymore, Holly just wanted to face plant onto her bed and cuddle with her soft, smooth and warm girlfriend. She wondered how Gail spent her day off without her today. Holly groaned into the empty and quiet apartment at the thought of Gail having fun without her.

Oh, Gail was having fun without her alright.

Holly called out into the dark living room only to hear Gail's soft moans travelling from the bedroom down to the rest of the apartment. With her brows furrowed, Holly trudged up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Gail?"

She stopped cold in the doorway, her mouth suddenly dry and her throat hoarse, like the Sahara desert. Holly was having trouble collecting her jaw from the ground, her eyes almost popping out of its sockets.

Gail was lying on top of the sheets, her beautiful and naked body on display for the brunette to drool over. Blue eyes clenched tight, her usually pale cheeks were painted with a lovely shade of pink, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. She had one hand over her chest, kneading, pinching, and the other between her legs, fingers moving in lightning speed. Her hips were flying off the bed, her flushed chest rising and falling. Holly's knees buckled and she had to hold onto the doorframe to support herself as Gail cried her name – along with a few other swear words – out in pleasure, on the brink of achieving absolute euphoria.

Holly sucked in a breath at the sight in front of her, a soft whine escaped from her lips without her permission. A second later, Gail stopped her movements and opened lust filled eyes, a lazy and wicked grin slowly making its way onto her face.

"You were taking too long. I had to take care of myself."

Holly whimpered at Gail's words, her sultry tone carried a bit of a slur. It sent shivers down her spine and a wave of wetness in between her legs. She had to tighten her hold on the doorframe.

Gail resumed kneading her breasts, but removed her right hand to motion the brunette over to the bed. "Why don't you help me out?"

Holly licked her lips as she stared at Gail's long pale fingers that were glistening with her wetness, summoning her over. She moved towards the bed, removing her clothes as she did so. Holly didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

**7\. Where do you want to go?**

Holly watched as Gail made her way through the sliding glass door, duffel bag hanging over her shoulder. She'd been waiting for all day for this moment. When Gail told her she'd taken a last minute break from work to come see her, Holly was ecstatic. She did question Gail's sudden decision to fly to California, but Gail just told her she missed her girlfriend terribly. Holly accepted the answer and had been excited to see Gail ever since. The excitement she was feeling at the sight of her girlfriend morphed into worry and confusion when she finally locked eyes with the blonde after 6 months.

Both women walked toward each other until Gail dropped her bag on the ground and melted into Holly's arms. Tears unknowingly fell from Gail's face as she sighed in comfort and relief to finally be in the brunette's arms again. She breathed in the familiar scent of Holly's perfume, feeling much better already. She held onto Holly even after they separated for the hug.

Holly brought both of her hands up to wipe away tears, palms cupping Gail's cheeks as she looked into dull, painful blue eyes. "What's wrong, Honey?"

"The adoption," Gail sniffled, trying to regain her composure. They were out in the open after all. "it didn't happen."

Holly mentally kicked herself for not remembering. She'd been too busy trying to finish her work so she could pick Gail up at the airport and they barely texted each other that day, with Gail on an airplane and all. Then her heart started to feel the loss of sweet Sophie whom she'd met a couple of times before leaving for San Francisco. Gail looked absolutely heartbroken.

Holly pulled her into another hug and whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

When they broke apart, Holly picked up Gail's bag and led her through the entrance of the airport. "Let's go home."

Gail stopped walking and pulled Holly into a stop too. The brunette turned around and looked at her girlfriend. "Actually, can we go somewhere else?"

Holly tilted her head, wondering where else could Gail possibly want to be, rather than in bed cuddling under the blankets. But anything for Gail. "Where do you want to go?"

A small smile started to form on Gail's face, her eyes shining brighter than earlier. "The batting cages."

Holly's eyes widened in shock, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The batting cages?"

When Gail nodded her head, the brunette placed a hand over Gail's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

Gail swatted her hand away and they both laughed. "I'll have you know that I've been practicing. I wanted to surprise you."

"Really? Well now I can't wait to witness your skills."

Gail didn't tell Holly that ever since she brought her to the batting cages that first time, she had been going back there whenever she missed the brunette or had to get something off her chest. Eventually Gail started to get pretty good at it, aside from a few misses every now and then.

When they got to the batting cages, Gail was itching to hit some balls. When she swung the bat and hit the first ball effortlessly, the feeling and sound of the ball meeting the bat felt amazing. It was satisfying. Then she continued hitting them, sending all the balls flying high into the sky.

Holly was more than impressed. She could tell Gail needed this, so she remained quiet and let the blonde do her thing.

It felt great at first. Knocking the sadness out of the park. When she got a momentum going, anger started to creep up on her. Her hits were becoming harder and her arms were beginning to hurt and Holly realized it too. It wasn't until Gail purposely threw the bat away from her, angry tears sliding down her cheeks that Holly immediately ran towards Gail and enveloped her into a fierce hug.

Holly's hugs always managed to calm her down. Her clenched fists loosened and sobs started to escape her lips, her knees buckling from the exhaustion of the day. Gail didn't care if they were in public anymore. The emotions just kept pouring out and luckily Holly was there to catch her.

The place was almost empty, and no one else cared if Gail was sobbing into Holly's chest. The brunette whispered sweet nothings into Gail's ear, a hand brushing her blonde hair and the other wrapped around her back. Every sob was like a blow to Holly's heart. Her own silent tears fell and she hugged Gail even tighter.

"It hurts."

"I know, honey, I know." Holly's heart hurt too. She really thought the three of them could become a family one day. She never knew she wanted a family until Gail. She knew she only wanted it with Gail. "We're going to be okay."

* * *

**8\. Where did you sleep?**

Gail got up from the sofa and stretched, feeling like shit. Inside and out. Her whole body ached from spending the night on the sofa, her eyes swollen from all the crying and her heart felt heavy like it had sunk to the bottom of her stomach.

She was starting to feel bad for herself but mentally slapped herself for it. She deserved to feel like shit. Holly had kicked her out last night and she spent the night back at 15 in one of conference rooms. She hadn't officially moved in with Holly yet, but most of her things were already at the brunette's apartment.

Gail stretched her upper body again and yawned loudly into the empty room before looking at her phone. No messages or calls from Holly as predicted. And it was almost time for her shift. Picking up her bag, she walked to the door but froze with her hand on the doorknob. She needed a moment to collect herself before facing the real world. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out through her mouth, Gail twisted the knob and walked out of the room, ready to face the day. Officers were milling around the precinct, some going home after their night shift and others coming in to start their early shift. It was really early in the morning, but the station never sleeps.

She decided to head for the break room for some coffee before going to the locker room to get changed. The coffee tasted like shit, fitting the way she was feeling perfectly. At least the taste of the coffee managed to wake her up almost instantly. When she got into the locker room, Traci was standing by her own locker getting ready for the day.

"You look like shit." Traci watched as the blonde placed her forehead against the cool metal of her locker.

"I feel like shit."

"What happened to you?"

"Holly kicked me out."

"Yikes. Where did you sleep?"

Traci whistled. "That sofa is not even comfortable to sit on, let alone sleep on. What did you do?"

Gail groaned against her locker. She didn't need Mama Traci to lecture her. She knew she screwed up. "Holly wanted me to meet her parents but I told her I had to stay late for work. She found out I wasn't at work when she ran into McSwarek at the restaurant. She caught me on the PlayStation at the boy's apartment."

"Wow. You fucked up." Traci closed her locker and put her hands on her hips, her eyes staring at Gail in disappointment.

"I fucked up. I wasn't ready." Gail nodded against her locker. She could feel Traci's eyes on her.

"You guys seemed ready. She already met your parents, Gail. Did you apologize?"

Gail stood up straight and whipped her entire body around to face Traci. "Of course I did. I left the boy's apartment to go after her but she was already gone. I went over to her place, fully expecting myself to beg for forgiveness. _Beg_ , Traci. I don't beg. _Ever_. But she just opened her door and looked at me with those sad eyes. She didn't even slam the door in my face. Her reaction just made everything worse."

Traci watched her friend suffer in pain. She didn't need to say anything, Gail knew she screwed up majorly. She actually felt bad for the blonde.

"Why did you lie to her? If you're not ready to meet her parents, I'm sure Holly would understand."

"Don't you know Pecks love to sabotage everything good in their lives?" Gail sat down on the bench and sigh dejectedly.

Traci sat next to Gail and gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Apologize again. I'm sure she'll forgive you. She just needs time."

* * *

Gail shifted nervously and adjusted her utility belt. She had been standing by the door for 5 minutes, gathering her thoughts and courage to knock on the door. She'd been thinking of what to say to Holly for the whole morning, but standing outside of Holly's office right now, all the things she wanted to say were wiped away from her memory. Deciding not to waste any more time, Gail brought her hand up to knock on the door before she could talk herself out of doing this. At Holly's soft 'come in', Gail pushed the door open slowly and walked into the room with her tail between her legs.

When Gail finally looked up at Holly, the brunette was busy writing a report. She hardly looked at Gail, and when she did, she wasn't surprised or upset to see her. She knew Gail had been standing outside her door for several minutes, but she decided to let the blonde enter when she was ready.

"Holly…"

Holly put her pen down and looked at Gail. To really look at her. She looked miserable, and Holly was feeling miserable too. "If you're here to apologize, don't."

"I'm here to explain." Gail walked further into the room and stopped when her boot hit the desk.

Holly leaned into her chair, waiting. Waiting for Gail to form the sentences in her mind before saying them.

"I'm not a good person. I'm not someone you bring home to meet your parents. They'd hate me and realize that I'm not good enough for you and I wouldn't blame them. Because I'm not a good person." Gail slouched, her eyes soft and vulnerable. She licked her lips before continuing. "Sometimes I don't know why you put up with me. I'm not easy to be around. I'm not a good person."

Gail's fingers tapped the corner of Holly's desk. She wasn't sure where her speech was going. Probably not going well. She looked up into brown eyes for the first time since yesterday. Holly looked like she'd been crying last night and she looked exhausted. Gail hated that she was the cause of it. She was feeling like a total jerk.

They stared into each other's eyes for a while, both women unsure of what to say. Thousands of thoughts were running through their mind, eyes speaking volumes and every lick of their lips sent a message. A message of longing and despair and love.

Finally, Holly broke the gaze and cleared her throat. She stood up and walked towards the blonde, close enough to touch her and put her arms around her but didn't. Gail sucked in a shallow breath at the sudden closeness between the both of them. Her lips quivered slightly and her eyes watered when she was able to smell Holly's scent from where she was standing. She missed that familiar smell and there was a high chance she'd never get to breathe in the smell of Holly's hair and skin ever again.

"Look, I get it. I know why you did what you did, but it doesn't mean your actions didn't hurt me. You know you could've talked to me. Tell me you're not ready to meet my parents and I'd be perfectly fine if you decided to sit this one out. I'm more upset about you not talking to me than the lying. Have I ever given you a reason to doubt my loyalty?"

"I'm sorry, Hols. I really am. I fucked up. I'm not a good person—"

Holly put a hand up to stop Gail. "Okay, first of all, stop saying that. You're an amazing person. You risk your life for people like me every day. You're a hero, Gail. If only you could see yourself the way I see you."

Holly moved closer, her hand cupping Gail's cheek and stroking the pale skin. Gail leaned into the touch and tears started streaming down her face. Holly wiped the tears away as best as she could before leaning in to kiss Gail's lips tenderly, a silent plea for those lips to stop trembling in anguish.

"Are we okay?" Gail sounded like a child as she brushed her nose against Holly's.

"Yes, we're okay."

* * *

**10\. What do you pay attention to?**

Gail should be helping out. She should be the one making the calls and preparing for the party and let her wife rest in bed. But she just couldn't help it. Holly looked absolutely beautiful with her head tilted to the side to support the phone against her shoulder, revealing her long tanned neck as she listened attentively to the person on the other end and writing stuff down on a note pad. But what really caught her eye was Holly's baby bump and the way the diamond ring sparkled with each caress of her stomach when her wife subconsciously placed her hand on her own belly.

The baby shower was in a couple of days and summer was the perfect time to throw a baby shower. Lots of sunshine and Holly in pretty maternity dresses. They'd decided – not like Elaine gave them much of a choice – to host the party at the Peck mansion, and Gail couldn't wait to see Lisa's face on the day of the party. Not that she cared, but it would be nice to wipe away that smug grin off of Boob Job's face. Maybe that massive pool would change Lisa's mind about Gail being a blue collar worker. Maybe she'd push Lisa into the pool too. Gail smirked at the thought. She'd definitely revisit that idea at a later time.

Gail's thoughts were interrupted by Holly waving a hand in her face. She didn't realize her wife had already hung up the call.

"Are you paying attention?"

Gail blinked and licked her lips before responding. "Oh, yeah."

Holly sighed not for the first time that day. Gail sucked at the whole party planning thing. "At least try to look interested? It's your baby too, you know."

The blonde rounded the corner of the breakfast counter and slid her arms around her wife, Holly's baby bump brushing against her own stomach. "Of course I'm interested."

"Maybe we should've let your mum plan the baby shower." Holly sighed into the embrace and leaned closer so their foreheads were touching.

Gail shook her head fervently. That would turn out to be a nightmare. "No way. Unless you want every politician in the city to turn up at our party.

"Then help me, please?

Gail nodded and closed the remaining gap between the two of them and kissed Holly's cheek, nose and lips. Before she could pull away, Holly pulled her back in, kissing Gail soundly on the lips again until they were both out of breath. When they finally broke apart, Gail looked down at the to-do list, picked up the phone and called the next number on the notepad.

They mouthed "I love you's" to one another as Gail talked to the florist on the phone.


	29. Morgue Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hey... This is gonna sound creepy but hear me out, k? I was just thinkin about Gail and Holly and their first steps. And it came to me that the first real smiles and banter they had was in the morgue right? So... call me crazy but suddenly I had the idea in my head and its really insane but I had the idea that that should be THEIR place. So I wanted to write a fic where one of them proposes there ("I could live here", so Holly?) but I am shit at writing. Do you want to take a shot at this?

Gail had a feeling something was off as she strolled past security with a nod and a smile at good ol' Barry. Even if it was a slow day at the lab, it normally wouldn't be as quiet and empty as this. But she just shrugged the feeling away and continued down the hallway to the morgue to pick her girlfriend up for date night.

When she arrived at the doorway, Holly was sitting on a stool and had her back facing the door. Her hair was tied up in a neat bun and she was wearing the greenish blue fleece jacket and a pair of jeans, the outfit the brunette wore when they first met in the woods. Gail smiled softly at the memory, her heart swelling against her chest. She knocked against the cold tiled wall twice and walked into the room.

"Hey, lunchbox. You ready to leave?"

When Holly turned around on her stool with her hands on her lap and a red velvet box held preciously between her sweaty palms, Gail's movements stilled involuntarily and her heart almost leapt out of her chest.

"What are you…"

Gail trailed off, unable to finish her sentence as the brunette stood up from her seat and walked towards her. With every step Holly took, however small, her heart would threaten to stop beating and she'd forget to breathe. When Holly opened the small box, she gasped loudly at the sight of the ring. The sapphire stone sparkled under fluorescent lighting of the morgue, just like Holly's brown eyes when Gail finally looked up from the ring in the brunette's hand.

"You and I, we make a great team, don't you think? I tolerate your love for cheese puffs and you tolerate my habit of rambling at the most random times. I play on the softball team and you're fine with just sitting in the stands eating hotdogs. We both love mint chip ice cream. We both love to stay home and not talk to people for days. You don't mind that I work with dead people all the time and I try not to worry when you go out there and risk your life. I can go on and on, but you get my point right?"

Gail moved her head hoping it would come off as a weak nod and no words could come out between her lips. Holly was right about everything. Putting all the fights and arguments during the beginning of their relationship aside, together they made a great team. They worked. Everything just clicked.

"In case you haven't already noticed, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to come home to you after a particularly hard case. I want to hold you in my arms after a terrible day at the station. I want your joy, your pain, your sadness, your regrets. I want your everything and I want it now. I want forever. I want you."

Holly stretched her arm out further towards Gail, bringing the ring nearer to the blonde. She cleared her throat and drew in a deep breath. "Gail Katherine Peck, will you marry me?"

Both women had tears rolling down their cheeks. Holly was shivering. But was it because of the chilly temperature in the morgue or the anticipation of Gail's answer, she did not know. Her palms were so sweaty she was afraid that the velvet box would slip off of her hand. She'd never been so nervous before in her life, not even during her residency.

But there was nothing to be nervous about. Because Gail'd always say yes to Holly. She'd always choose Holly. _Always_.

"Yes," Gail nodded fervently as more tears slipped down her cheeks. "A million times yes."

Holly smiled a thousand watt smile as she took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto Gail's pale finger with trembling hands. She sucked in a breath once the ring was securely around her ~~girlfriend's~~ fiancé's finger. It fit Gail perfectly and it looked absolutely beautiful on her. Holly had imagined this scenario a thousand times, but nothing beats looking at the real deal. She was on cloud nine and her whole body was vibrating with happiness.

As Gail pulled Holly in for a long, trembling kiss, Holly melted into the blonde's arms. She was no longer shivering and her heart finally slowed to a steady pace, as if time stood still. They whispered the love and adoration they felt for one another in between languid kisses that used to be urgent only moments earlier, taking all the time in the world to savour each other.

But Gail had to ask her fiancé something.

"Proposing in the morgue, Holly? What a great way to start our marriage." Gail teased the brunette after she pulled away from the kiss. They'd kiss later. They had all the time in the world.

"Well, I wanted to do it in the woods where we first met. But then I'd have to do it in the day and I know how much you hate nature. And this morgue is sort of our place, you know? You said you could live here and I understood that feeling. I'm pretty sure I started falling for you after that."

"How cheesy of you, Stewart." Gail had a brilliant smile plastered on her face that wasn't going to fade anytime soon.

"Please, we both know you love my cheesiness."

"Yeah, I do."


	30. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Can you write a story where Gail's impulsiveness and attitude towards people gets Holly in mortal danger?

Gail plopped down onto her desk chair with a long, loud sigh. She should be glad the case was over, but every bone in her body felt uncomfortable and heavy. She could blame it on the long day, she could convince herself it was exhaustion kicking in. But every bone, every cell, every inch of her skin knew none of this was right. Nothing felt right, not anymore. Maybe she was her brother's sister after all. Maybe she was just like the rest of the Peck family, willing to do whatever it takes to close a case.

Until God or the universe showed her a sign to do this right, the case was done. Gail would be going to bed holding her girlfriend and falling asleep tonight.

She removed her feet from the corner of her desk and wheeled herself closer to start on the paperwork. This case took months of hard work and man hours before they finally got a lead 3 weeks ago. It was a homicide case and the Mayor's son was one of the suspects, so Gail had every white shirt and politician's eyes on her and her parents breathing down her neck. So it was a huge relief and a bloody miracle when a witness walked through the front door of the precinct weeks ago to provide them with the only viable lead in months.

Upon hearing about the new development on the case, Gail had been pressured into solving the case as soon as possible and that her career was on the line if she didn't make an arrest soon. Of course, she could arrest a cat or a unicorn, as long as it wasn't the Mayor's son. The new commissioner turned out to be a dick too. Not even two minutes into her paperwork, a rookie was standing in front of her desk rather awkwardly, afraid of looking Gail in the eye.

"Detective, John Griffin is here to see you."

Gail sighed heavily, dropped her pen and pushed herself away from her desk to meet the man. When she descended down the steps from the detectives' office, she could spot him sitting by one of the desks in the bullpen, waves of rage rolling off of his body. Gail mentally prepared herself for what was to come, it would be not pretty. When she was a few steps away from the man, she cleared her throat to announce her arrival. Griffin jumped from his seat when he saw Gail, ready to bite her head off.

"Where's my son? I want to see him! He's innocent!"

"Mr Griffin, let's talk somewhere private." Gail requested politely, a tight smile on her face as she tried to usher him into one of the conference rooms. Unfortunately, Griffin refused and wanted to cause a scene in the middle of the precinct.

"No, I'm not going anywhere with you until I see Jake. I know he didn't do it! He didn't kill the girl!" John Griffin looked slightly unhinged and the officers that were standing around them almost intervened but Gail stopped them.

"I'm sorry Mr Griffin, but we have witness statement that puts your son at the scene of the crime. He was with the victim around the time of her death and he didn't have an alibi. Jake ran when we tried to bring him in too. It took us a week to find him."

John flung his arms around him, frustrated and incredibly upset over his son's arrest. "Witnesses lie all the time! And he ran because he was scared!" Then the distraught man tried to calm down by taking in several deep breaths, his shoulders slumped as he lowered his volume and softened his tone. "Please, Detective. My boy is innocent. I know him. He'd never kill somebody. He's a great kid. He wants to be a doctor, he's a good student. I beg you, Detective Peck. Please, let him go. I can't lose him. He's innocent."

Gail rubbed her temples and sighed. She knew witnesses lie all the time. It was possible. It was also possible that the real killer was still out there. The girl who claimed to be the victim's classmate seemed pretty nervous and unsure when she gave her statement. And the boy looked nothing like a killer. But looks could be deceiving and she was ordered to solve the case within the week. By all means necessary. The case was done. End of story. "I'm sorry, Mr. Griffin. The judge will look through the evidence and statements and Jake will be found guilty. It's out of my hands now. The case is done."

"He's the only thing I've got! My boy is not a killer, please I beg you Detective—"

Gail didn't know what got into her. Suddenly she was seeing red and she could hear her heart pounding in her ears. "Look, sir, Jake is guilty. Your son is a killer. Sometimes people do really stupid things and you just gotta accept it. Face the truth and move on, Mr Griffin!"

When he lunged for the blonde, Gail knew it was coming and dodged the bigger sized man and a couple of uniforms immediately seized the man before he hurt Gail or anyone else. Gail muttered her apologies before going to the locker room to collect herself. She could hear the man shouting threats at her but couldn't really make out the words over the pounding of her heart.

Getting rid of her leather jacket and placing it on the counter beside the sink, Gail splashed some water on her face to cool down. She stood in front of the mirror and stared at her own reflection. Steve was right. Being a beat cop and being a detective were two different things. Sometimes there were lines that needed to be crossed, what was black and what was white, Gail couldn't differentiate them anymore. Her gut told her it wasn't right, but she couldn't listen to her gut this time. Everything was the same shade of grey and this case felt exactly like that – a massive blurry grey.

The buzzing in her jean pocket broke the staring competition she had with herself and Gail fished it out to see Holly's name on the screen. An involuntary smile pulled at Gail's lips and the blonde felt better already. She texted her girlfriend back, promising to pick her up at the morgue later for dinner before returning to her desk to finish up her paperwork.

* * *

With the high profile homicide case over, Gail was still having trouble forgetting about the case and there were times she wondered if she could've done things differently, if she missed anything or even arrested the wrong person. It wasn't the same as her other cases. This didn't feel right at all. Like a massive grey pile of shit, but a small part of her would tell herself to stop digging and be glad it was all over. Jake Griffin was the killer. The Mayor was happy, her bosses were happy, her parents were proud and Holly was glad to spend more time with her girlfriend.

It was 2 weeks after the case when it happened. Gail's world was knocked upside down when she found out. She never knew she could be this afraid when the person in harm's way wasn't even herself. It started with a missed call and text message. Gail knew sometimes Holly would get too focused or busy on a case to answer Gail's calls. Gail thought it was one of those days and decided to head back to their apartment to cook dinner with Holly's favourite dishes in mind. Maybe set up the bath with candles. But when Gail opened the front door and was greeted by pieces of glass all over the hallway, lamps and chairs knocked over, a thin blood trial leading towards the door and a bloody knife lying on the kitchen floor, she couldn't breathe.

And when she found Holly's shattered glasses on the floor, it was like the Hulk just landed a punch in her chest.

It took her several seconds to regain her composure before calling out for Holly with her gun between her hands. Even though she knew Holly was probably gone, Gail had to double check every inch of the house, silently praying she'd find the brunette hiding in the closet. But there was no sign of the brunette. Her phone was plugged into the charger, her bag untouched by the sofa. When she was done with the sweep, Gail pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled the police with shaky fingers and tears in her eyes.

As she waited for the police to arrive, she scanned around the room again, looking for clues or things she'd missed the first time. She saw an unfamiliar card on the dining table, small and propped up against the wooden surface. Something was written on it.

How does it feel to lose the one person you care about?

She knew. Gail knew who took Holly the second she read the note. Gail felt bile rising in her throat, her palms sweatier by the second and she had to brace herself on the table for support. Terror and guilt rushed into her body, hurting her muscles and limbs, her fingertips. She could hardly breathe, fear crippled and shut her airway, only managing stuttered breaths at that moment. The silence around the house was too loud. She had to shut her eyes and concentrate on the steady yet fast beating of her heart as she stood in the middle of a crime scene in her house. When the sight and the silence were becoming too much for her to handle, Gail walked out the front door and sucked in a biting cold breath, welcoming the icy sensation down her throat. It felt like it took 5 hours before multiple squad cars started to pile up her driveway and the sidewalk and her colleagues and friends came rushing toward her with concern etched across their faces.

"Gail, what happened?" Chris grabbed Gail by the shoulders and looked behind her into the house. He swallowed painfully at the state of the hallway.

"Holly, John Griffin took Holly."

The name rang a bell in Andy's head. "Jake Griffin's dad? From that high profile homicide case weeks ago?"

Gail nodded and placed her hands on her knees, crouching and heaving. She couldn't breathe. Andy placed a tentative hand on Gail's back but the blonde shrugged it off almost immediately. "We need to find Griffin. Now."

Traci pulled up at the opposite side of the street and ran over toward them. Gail pulled herself together to run them through the messy apartment as forensics arrived just in time to examine the place and search for evidence. Gail knew every one of the guys and as they walked past her into the house, they had a sympathetic and determined look on their faces. Everyone loved Holly and they'd do their best to get her back safely. Traci picked up the card that was on the dining table and looked over the short note.

"What makes you so sure that John Griffin took Holly? We shouldn't jump to conclusions here. Has Holly been in charge of any cases that might be related to her abduction?"

Gail ran a hand through her hair and scratched at the back of her head. She was getting anxious. Every minute they spent standing around meant Holly was in more danger. "No, I don't think so. Her recent cases have been pretty straightforward. Not gang related, or anything like that. After Jake Griffin's arrest, his dad came to the station and demanded me to release his son. He told me Jake's the only thing he's got left and hope I'd never have to lose the only person I care about. I didn't think much of it at the time. We get threats all the time."

Traci looked over the note one more time and nodded her head. "Okay. Let me make a phone call and I'll go over to Griffin's house to take a look with Andy. Chris will take you back to the station while the forensics team gather up all the evidence here."

Gail shook her head and reached for her gun and badge that were attached to her hips, making sure they were still there. "I'm going with you." She walked out of the house without looking back at Traci and waited impatiently by her fellow detective's car. Traci knew there was no use trying to argue with Gail.

When they arrived at the given address, both women weren't surprised to find the house dark and empty. Traci knocked a few times and announced their presence, but there was no answer. Traci turned to walk back towards the car, but Gail drew her gun and kicked the door open at the first try.

"Gail!"

The brunette went after her friend and threw her gun out too. They searched room after room, every corner of the place and the basement. No Griffin, no Holly, except for one very pissed off Gail. When they walked back to the car, Traci paused for a moment before opening the driver's door.

"You know you can't just kick somebody's front door open without a warrant, right? You're going to get in trouble for that." Traci wasn't reprimanding Gail, her tone was soft and understanding.

"I don't really give a damn right now, Traci. Holly might be hurt and we have no idea where she is!"

"We're going to find her, okay?"

Gail just slid into the car without another word.

As they drove back to the station to plan their next steps, Traci got a call from Dov and put the call on speaker for Gail.

"John Griffin has a cabin in the east from the city, an hour drive at least. I'm sending you the address now. Andy, Chris and a couple of uniforms will meet you there. Sam, Oliver and the rest of us are working a few other angles at the station in case Griffin is not our guy."

"Okay, we're on our way. Oh, and call for an ambulance too. Thanks Dov." Traci ended the call and glanced at her friend, who was failing to hide the fear behind her eyes. Holly was a good person. She didn't deserve this.

"I'm scared, Traci. This is all my fault." Gail's lips quivered as she stifled a sob, but tears rolled down her cheeks anyway.

"I know. But none of this is your fault, Gail. You were just doing your job." Traci removed one hand from the steering wheel to squeeze Gail's shoulder. Gail rolled her eyes. If she did her job properly, Holly would be safe. "I promise you we're going to find Holly and you'll get to go to bed with her tucked safely in your arms tonight."

Leaving the city behind them and driving toward the woods, thousands of thoughts were running through Gail's mind. She prayed Holly was there. And Griffin. So she could beat the shit out of him when she gets there. A tiny part of her, a part she was refusing to acknowledge, wished that Griffin didn't take Holly. Maybe some random crazy guy broke into their house and took her. She wished this wasn't her fault. She wished she wasn't the one to put Holly in danger.

They drove in silence, the radio coming to life once in a while from the other officers to exchange ETAs. It felt like an eternity before the cabin came into view. Traci barely had time to park the car before Gail opened the door and jumped out of the vehicle, her gun drawn and ignoring Traci's warning to wait for backup. A truck was parked in the driveway. The lights were off as the cabin stood still, dull and old, surrounded by tall trees and fallen leaves. The leaves crunched under Gail's boots, every step echoed into the woods. Gail only called out once before kicking another door open for the second time that night, her gun and eyes trained on every inch of the house. Traci motioned to Gail that she'd start from the back. It took less than a minute for Gail to clear the cabin. The one bedroom cabin was really small and barely had a fully functioning kitchen and a really small TV. But Gail knew someone was here. There was a backpack on the dusty sofa and an opened water bottle on the dining table. Gail exited the back door to find Traci outside on the deck.

"There's a small woodshed at the end of the property." Traci mentioned to Gail, her gun still in her hand. Gail nodded as they both headed for the woodshed.

They were several steps away from the woodshed when a voice startled both women. "I know you're here, Detective Peck." Then a mumbled scream could be heard from the other side of the door. Gail's eyes hardened immediately, her finger on the trigger. She tried to ignore the goose bumps all over her body and the chill she felt from hearing that familiar screaming was replaced by pure rage. She nodded at Traci and the brunette swung the door open.

John Griffin was standing behind a bloodied Holly, she was gagged and he had a knife to her throat. Griffin's green eyes were wide open, he looked extremely agitated and the hand that was holding the knife shook unsteadily against Holly's throat. Gail gulped nervously but kept her gun pointed at the deranged man. One wrong move and he'd slit the brunette's throat. Gail had to keep her cool, but the tears that were flowing down Holly's cheeks made it hard for the blonde to remain calm.

"Put the knife down, Mr Griffin."

"No." Griffin shook his head violently and Holly whimpered when the knife sliced open her skin, drawing blood. "Tell me you know my son is innocent and you'll release him, then I'll put the knife down."

At this point, Gail would confess she was in love with him if it meant Griffin would let Holly go. But Traci spoke up first before she could admit to anything she didn't want to admit.

"Mr Griffin, I have a son myself. He's my little angel and I love him with all my heart. As parents, we see the best in our children and sometimes we are often blinded by the deeper, darker sides of them. We thought we knew everything about them, but sometimes it turns out we don't actually know everything. I'm sure your son is a good person, he just done some pretty bad things."

Traci took in a deep breath and waited for a response from the man but when there wasn't one, she continued. "And this woman you're holding hostage? She's a good person. She doesn't deserve to get hurt."

That set an alarm in Griffin's head. "So _my_ son deserves to get hurt? Deserves to get tossed into prison for the rest of his life?"

His voice was getting louder and the knife shook against Holly's throat again. Gail sprang into action this time, she couldn't stand seeing Holly like this anymore. She lowered her gun and softened her tone.

"I'm sorry, Mr Griffin. I'm truly, deeply sorry for the pain I've caused. I'm sure Jake is an amazing kid. I'm not saying he is definitely innocent, but I admit I could've done better. I should've stood my ground and continued the investigation. I should've listened to my gut. I promise, if you let go of her, I'll reopen the case and do it right this time. Your son deserves that from me."

Gail was crying and she begged the man to let go of the woman she loved. "Please, Mr Griffin." She pleaded with her piercing blue eyes and gentle voice.

Was this the price she had to pay for crossing the line between honest police work and closing cases by any means necessary? Was the job, the singing praises from her bosses and parents worth the pain of watching the person she loved, hurt and tied-up and held hostage?

When John Griffin finally let go of Holly and dropped the knife onto the ground, Gail ran toward her girlfriend, removed the cloth in her mouth and untied her before pulling the brunette into her arms. Traci had Griffin in handcuffs immediately and was on their way out as Gail and Holly reunited.

"I'm so sorry, Holly. I love you so much."

Gail kissed Holly's forehead and lips before crying into her neck. Holly pulled Gail even closer into the hug, incredibly glad that her girlfriend came to her rescue. Gail could feel her girlfriend shaking, scared to death and probably from the cold weather. "I love you too. This is not your fault."

Gail shook her head. It was entirely her fault. If she had done everything by the book, none of this would've happened to Holly. Suddenly remembering Holly was hurt and freezing, Gail pushed herself away and scanned over the brunette's body. The wound from the knife earlier wasn't serious, but Holly was stabbed in the arm and the wound was dressed poorly. Blood was still seeping out of the bandages. "You're hurt." Gail took off her jacket and draped it over Holly before pulling her out of the woodshed. They were greeted by Andy, Chris and the paramedics.

As she released Holly to the paramedics and walked with them back to the ambulance, Gail felt like she could finally breathe again. If anything happened to Holly… Gail didn't know if she'd ever be able to live with herself.

She watched as the paramedics patched her girlfriend up and examined the rest of her cuts and bruises. She looked up at the dark sky with her hands on her hips, trees swinging left to right and the moon and the stars were looking down at her, as if trying to tell her something. A sign, probably. And Gail knew it was a sign to do things right this time.


	31. Can't Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: prompt idea (not sure how up to date you are with the Canadian RB airings so SPOILERS AHEAD if you're not) but if you are, could you possibly write something of Gail reacting to the events of the corruption scandal and Steve being dirty, but in a universe where her and Holly are still together? (long distance or not)
> 
> Please do not read this if you're not caught up with the latest episode "Breaking Up the Band"

_I can't go home._

The words echoed in her head as she descended down the steps of the courthouse without Chris. Her feet moved on autopilot, one foot in front of the other. Her hands cold and clammy, the frown on her face had been there for days, weeks, finding a permanent home there. Her lips quivered for the hundredth time that day, she was exhausted but she couldn't go home, not yet anyway.

She knew what was coming as she walked through the front door of the Penny. She knew whatever Laura Lee had to say wasn't going to be good news. She knew at that moment she wasn't Sophie's best chance anymore.

_I can't go home._

The words thumped along with the painful beating of her heart as she stood outside the Penny after a brief hug from Laura Lee and two more glasses of gin and tonic. Her face felt warm from the alcohol and her eyes watered from the emotions brought by the day. She brought her hand up to flag for a cab, but she couldn't go home, back to the frat house, not anymore.

After a few minutes she flagged for a cab again but she couldn't go home, so she heads for the airport for the next available flight to San Francisco with no clothes or sensible shoes packed. On her way to the airport, she thought about changing her mind. Her feet hurt from the black heels she was wearing and there might not be an available flight for hours. But she just looked out the window and waited for the airport to come into view.

_I can't go home._

The words caused her pale fingers to twitch as the cab drove away from the city, from her home. There was still time to make a U-turn, maybe go to her parents' house to apologize, to ask for forgiveness. Then she remembered her father's disappointed and angry face, the way he slammed his fist on the table and she flinched at the memory, just like she did earlier in front of the judge and her brother. She couldn't go back to her parents' house, not anymore.

Every time she closed her eyes, she could see the coldness in her father's eyes and the sad frown on her brother's face. Those faces would haunt her for a while, if not forever. Maybe if she had lied, she would still have her family. Now she had no family, no Sophie and her other family at 15 would be broken up and transferred to other divisions within the next few days. She had done the right thing, but nothing felt right anyway. Maybe if she had lied… she probably couldn't live with herself. She couldn't stand the idea of looking in the mirror and see someone else staring back at her.

_I can't go home._

The words trembled within her body, her right leg shaking nervously as she fastened the seatbelt to prepare for take-off. She was never a fan of flying, but it was too late to turn back now so she took in deep, calming breaths and closed her eyes. The next time she opened her tired blue eyes, she pulled open the window blinds to see the city of San Francisco shining brightly at her as if to welcome her home. But California wasn't her home and she couldn't go home, not at that moment when she was thousands of miles away.

There was a car accident on her way to her destination. She was stuck in the cab for almost forty five minutes. Feeling annoyed at the slow traffic and jumping meter, she paid the driver and got out of the car. She was just a few blocks away from where she needed to be.

When she finally reached the door – barefooted and her heels in one hand – she pressed the bell once, then twice after much hesitation. She knew she must look like a mess, her hair no longer swept to the side behind her ear, her face paler than usual, blue eyes now grey and dull and her feet dirty and hurting.

But when the brunette swung the door open, the sight of the exhausted blonde still took her breath away.

Holly looked incredibly beautiful. San Francisco definitely suited her. The sun kissed skin, the luscious hair and a lovely blush on her cheeks. Probably from the glass of wine that was held between her tanned fingers. She was also wearing a huge oversize t-shirt that showed off her long legs.

Gail smiled a small smile because looking at Holly now, she knew she made the right decision to let the brunette go. It was one of the best decisions she had ever made even though sometimes her heart didn't think so. It made her feel slightly better, at least she did one thing right within these past few months.

"Gail? What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"

Holly was absolutely shocked to see Gail, pleasantly surprised by her sudden presence but worried at the same time. She looked exhausted, sad, and defeated. Holly just wanted to fold herself around the poor woman and never let go.

So she did. Holly placed her wineglass on a small table by the door, pulled her in and slammed the door shut before wrapping her arms around Gail's waist. She held onto the blonde as she sobbed into her shoulder, breaking down completely. Holly had to support most of her weight, but she didn't mind at all.

"I couldn't go home."

But Gail knew she was home the moment she breathed in Holly's skin and dropped her heels and bag onto the ground to wrap her heavy arms around the brunette's neck. It definitely felt like home.


	32. Long Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I don't know if you believe that LDRs can work? But can you write a short scene where Golly is in LDR and they are skyping? Just a short sweet scene that shows they are putting the effort in. Thanks!
> 
> EDIT: Do not read this if you haven't watched the finale. Sorry I left this out.

It had been a stressful week at work for Holly. Moving to San Francisco meant higher position, higher pay, and a shitload of responsibilities. Between business lunches, meetings and making sure her lab was running smoothly, Holly barely had enough time to have a decent dinner and a good night's rest let alone making time to Skype with her girlfriend. They had been exchanging short texts and phone calls for three whole weeks, and Holly was adamant that she'd finally get to see that beautiful face and blue eyes this time.

She placed her laptop on the coffee table before settling on the sofa with a loud, relieved sigh. The day was finally over and Holly was about to talk to Gail face to face. Well, not exactly but Skype was the only way for now.

Holly leaned against the cushions and stared at the Skype home screen for a couple of minutes, swirling a glass of wine in one hand. She thought about turning the TV on while waiting for Gail. Sometimes the blonde would be 15 to 30 minutes late due to traffic or debriefs. Her hand reached for the remote, but decided against it. This was the only time in weeks where she could have some peace and quiet to herself besides those times when she had been asleep.

She brought the wineglass to her nose, sniffing the red liquid before taking a sip. Yes, she totally deserved the good stuff tonight. Looking up at ceiling, Holly mentally counted the days, weeks and months before she could return to Toronto.

3 months ago, she received a phone call from Traci, a phone call she never thought she'd receive. As her phone vibrated and rang loudly in her hand when she was in her office on a weeknight, Holly didn't know what to expect from her old co-worker. She expected the detective to talk about work, an old case they had worked on together, but not about Gail. She and Traci weren't even that close outside of work.

But when Traci called and wanted to talk about Gail, for a moment Holly thought maybe something happened to the blonde. Sensing the doctor's panic, Traci immediately assured Holly that Gail was alright, physically. Her heart clenched in pain and her eyes stung when Traci told her about the unsuccessful adoption, Steve being a dirty cop who was responsible for the evidence room explosion and practically being disowned by her parents. By the end of the phone call, Traci asked Holly to consider giving Gail a call, knowing her friend was still in love with the doctor, and it was obvious Holly still had feelings for Gail.

After the conversation ended, anger slowly seeped into her veins, feeling her blood boil and the tips of her ears grow hot. How could her parents do that to her when all she did was tell the truth and be a good cop, the complete opposite of their son? Gail didn't deserve any of this. She deserved a family who loved her, she deserved Sophie, she deserved all the happiness the world could offer.

The next thing she knew, Holly booked the next available flight back to Canada. An hour and a half after landing in Toronto, she arrived at Andy and Sam's wedding – her carry-on at the back of Chris's jeep – in a pair of dark blue jeans and a grey hoodie, asking Gail for a dance.

And the rest was history.

A soft sound from her laptop interrupted her from her thoughts and Holly quickly put her glass down before bringing the computer into her lap. Gail was finally online and the brunette only had to wait for another second before Gail video called her.

The moment Gail's beautiful face appeared on the screen, a bright smile pulled at Holly's lips, almost reaching her ears. It had been too long since Holly smiled like that. Seeing Gail's dark blonde hair tucked behind her right ear, her toothy grin and bright blue eyes for the first time in weeks, Holly felt lighter, the stress of the day melting away almost immediately. Holly let out a soft sigh at the amazing feeling.

"Hey, honey. I missed you." The brunette waved and moved her faced a little closer toward the screen as if it would help with the distance.

"Hi Hol, I missed you too." Gail waved back, a sweet smile still plastered on her face until she finally took in Holly's features that were displayed on full screen. She frown at the dark circles and bags under tired brown eyes. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping enough lately?"

Holly shook her head. "Not really. But things are starting to quiet down since we closed the triple homicide case a few days ago. It's just paperwork now."

"Good. I want you to take care of yourself, Hol. You look thinner. Remember not to skip meals and take a day or two off from work to catch up on sleep. You need it. You deserve it."

Gail brought her hand up to the screen, fingers virtually stroking Holly's cheek. If only she could teleport herself into Holly's living room right now to wrap her arms around the brunette's waist, kiss her soft lips, and maybe cook her a real meal after a much needed cuddling session.

"Yes, officer."

Holly's heart melted at her girlfriend's concern about her own well-being and before she had the chance to ask how the blonde was doing, a brown tail appeared at the corner of the screen behind Gail, wriggling and moving in and out of frame. Holly frowned. Since when did Gail get a dog?

She pointed at the screen and asked her girlfriend. "Gail, is that a dog?"

Gail immediately looked behind her shoulder. She then nodded and stood up to walk towards the far end of the room. Seconds later she bent down and picked up the brown furry creature before returning in front of the screen, with the dog sitting obediently on her lap.

"Holly, meet Boo Radley," Gail stroked the furs before looking at the screen again. "Boo Radley, meet Holly." She picked up a paw and waved at the brunette although the dog was looking at something for more interesting behind the computer.

"Did you get a dog?"

"I'm helping McSwarek babysit their dog. They're on a vacation for a week."

That was weird, Gail helping Andy out. "Is everyone else unavailable too?"

"I volunteered."

Gail scratched between his ears. The sight of Gail with a dog was enough to melt Holly's heart into a puddle. It was too adorable.

"Who knew you have a heart."

Gail blushed and rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up, Stewart. It was getting lonely around here and thought I could use the company. If you don't return soon, I may get a permanent replacement. Maybe a golden retriever."

Holly sighed and watched her girlfriend with Boo Radley. She loved dogs. She wouldn't mind if Gail got one. But that wasn't the point of Gail's words. "Just another 10 months or so honey and I'll be back for good."

"And I'll be here, waiting." Gail brought Boo Radley closer to her, their faces side by side, her own puppy dog eyes on display for the brunette.

_Oh, that's not fair at all._ Holly shook her head and pulled up the browser and her calendar to see if she could squeeze in a quick visit sometime soon.


	33. Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Holly meets Frankie. Set after S6 finale.

They promised to meet at the Penny after Gail's shift to talk. Just talk. The last time they attempted to have a proper conversation regarding their relationship or lack thereof resulted in both women leaving a trail of clothes from Gail's living room to the bedroom.

It was almost 4 in the morning when they finally succumbed to sleep, heavy limbs around each other and sated smiles on both their faces. When Holly woke up in the morning to an empty apartment, she was left with a note on Gail's pillow, letting her know she'd gone to work and asked for the brunette to meet her after.

As she took another sip of her beer, memories of the previous night crept up on her like the smile that was slowly pulling at her lips. They didn't get to talk much last night, only establishing that the brunette came back to Toronto for Gail and the next thing Holly knew, she was pulled against Gail's body, soft lips on her own, desperate and hungry. It was smart to meet at a crowded public place, somewhere both women wouldn't be able to rip each other's clothes off the second they lay eyes on one another.

Holly was halfway through her first mug of beer when the door chimed, signaling someone coming in or heading out. Holly had been turning her head every time the door opened, hoping to see a certain blonde woman walking into the bar. This time, it was a brunette who headed straight for the bar upon her arrival. Holly just turned her attention back to her beer as the stranger ordered for her own drink.

A minute later, Holly heard someone clear their throat next to her. She turned to the side to see the same woman with a glass of whiskey in hand.

"You here alone?"

"I'm actually waiting for someone."

"Boyfriend?"

Holly shook her head. "Girlfriend. Well, not really. It's complicated."

The woman's face lit up slightly at the term Holly used. "Ah, I totally get it. This is why I don't get too attached to the women I sleep with." She took a sip of her whiskey and moved a seat closer to Holly.

Holly took it as an opportunity to take a good look at this woman. There was no doubt she was really attractive. And Holly knew exactly what the woman was doing. It wasn't her first rodeo. She'd played this game herself too.

When Holly only returned a smile, the woman decided to extend her arm and introduce herself.

"I'm Frankie."

Holly shook Frankie's hand, but a little too long for her liking. "Holly."

"Why don't I buy you another round?" Frankie gestured at Holly's almost empty mug. She didn't give Holly a chance to answer before calling for the bartender.

"That's very kind of you Frankie, but no thank you." Holly smiled at the other woman, kindly turning her down but Frankie simply waved her off.

"Don't worry about it," Then her eyes not so subtly landed on Holly's for a long moment and then down at her lips, then back up at Holly's eyes again. "and if your girlfriend doesn't turn up after this round, maybe we could go back to my place?"

If Holly didn't know Gail or want to get back together with her, she'd probably say yes. Frankie was really good looking and charming, and from the way she was inching closer and closer towards Holly, any girl would go home with Frankie. But not Holly. There was only one girl in her mind. And heart.

Before she had a chance to kindly reject the offer, both women were startled by a loud voice behind them.

"Go away, Frankie."

Holly and Frankie turned around to see an annoyed Gail standing in front of them with her hands on her hips, eyes shooting icy daggers at Frankie. Holly was horrified, she didn't want Gail to misread the situation. Frankie, on the other hand, looked calm like she didn't care.

"Peck, we've been over this. Whoever call dibs gets to hit on the girl first." Frankie shrugged and had an irritated look on her face, matching Gail's.

Holly was truly confused by the situation. Did they know each other? She thought Gail was going scare the other girl away with her deadly glare, but Frankie didn't look afraid or intimated at all.

Gail was able to read Holly's mind. She sighed heavily, icy blue eyes softening a little as she introduced the two women. "Frankie Anderson, homicide detective. Holly Stewart, forensic pathologist."

Frankie almost spat her drink in Gail's face. "As in _the_ Holly Stewart?"

"Yes, yes. Now get lost."

But Frankie didn't budge. "I've heard a lot about you, Holly. The one that got away."

This time it was Holly who almost spilled her drink. She just smiled shyly as a blush appeared across Gail's cheeks.

"Don't worry, all good things." Frankie smirked at Holly. She knew the pair probably had a lot to talk about." Alright, I'll go finish my drink at the back of the bar. It was nice to meet you, Holly."

"It was nice to meet you too."

Frankie hopped off the barstool and smacked Gail's back playfully before disappearing behind the pool table. Holly was shocked by the whole exchange between Gail and Frankie. The two were obviously friends and Gail must really like her for the Detective to touch her like that without making her pay for it.

Gail sat next to Holly and ordered her drink before properly greeting the brunette. "Hey. Sorry I'm late. Had a last minute call on the way back to 15."

"It's fine." Holly rubbed the back of her neck, she had a bunch of questions about her friendship with Frankie. "So you two seemed… close."

"We slept together once. But strictly platonic after that. She can be quite an ass but she's good at her job."

Holly tried to hide the jealousy but found none. She completely understood. They were no longer together and Gail had every right to fool around and have fun. Holly even had a few one night stands back in San Francisco. She still kept in contact with some of her exes too.

She nudged Gail's shoulder playfully. "So she's exactly like you then?"

"Shut up."

* * *

When their overdue conversation ended with a soft kiss filled with promises of the future and regrets of the past, Frankie popped out from behind the couple and clapped her hands.

"Now that the lovebirds are back together, let's celebrate!"

Sure they had more to talk about and stuff to figure out, but when the bar roared with cheers and laughter, Gail simply leaned closer towards Holly until their foreheads touched, seeking comfort in the connection. The world seemed to melt away whenever she was around the brunette. Gail didn't even care when Oliver wanted to buy her a drink. Holly was home and Gail finally felt like a piece of her was healing and alive again.


	34. Move In With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Can you write a prompt where Gail wants to move in but Holly is oblivious to all of the hints that she has been dropping! Please Xx

It started with a couple of socks, a pair of sweatpants and some t-shirts. Gail would pack an overnight bag to spend the night and her off day at her girlfriend's apartment. At the end of her stay, she'd leave the clothes in the laundry basket as Holly would tell her to. Then it became some sweaters, shirts and a pair of jeans. Two months into their relationship, most of Gail's favourite outfits were already at Holly's place, hanging side by side with the brunette's own clothing in the closet and Toronto PD sweats and t-shirts lying next to Holly's comfy sleepwear in the drawer.

It was under Holly's suggestion that she'd decided to have one of her uniforms at Holly's, it was much more convenient that way. No late nights or early mornings trying to sneak back into the frat house. She could go to Holly's place and stay the night without going back home to get ready for her shift.

Gail loved it. She loved that her clothes smelled like Holly and it warms her like a delicious cup of hot coffee during a cold night. And Holly loved seeing the combination of both their clothes in her closet first thing in the morning while getting ready for work. Holly's favourite blazer next to Gail's (also Holly's) favourite leather jacket. And Gail's uniform, hanging proudly away from the rest of the clothes. It puts a smile on her face, the crooked grin that melts Gail's heart every time.

Gail also loved getting to wake up next to her girlfriend. The slight frown on Holly's face, the rise and fall of her chest, tanned skin stark contrast to the warm and silky white sheets. They'd always fall asleep with hands on each other's skin and legs tangled up in comfort to remind themselves of one another's presence as a sense of security.

However, when one of them wakes up in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning, they'd find that they have drifted apart, both women on their side of the bed. It'd feel like worlds apart, like an ocean between two lonely islands, like a bug trapped in the mud and a lone star blinking in the vast and dark sky.

And Gail knew one night, after probably the hundredth time of closing the gap and scooting across the bed to put her arm around Holly's waist again, that she needed the brunette in her life and in her arms at all times.

With the end of the lease coming up and Dov wanting to move in with Chloe and Chris thinking of having a place to himself, the idea of waking up next to Holly every single morning sounded amazing.

But she couldn't flat out tell Holly that she'd love to move in with her, could she?

So Gail tried to drop hints every now and then, about how she felt right at home at the brunette's apartment, how practically her entire wardrobe was at Holly's place. But her girlfriend was oblivious to every word Gail had to say.

One night after dinner as they were relaxing on the sofa, Gail channel surfing on Holly's new widescreen TV that she helped picked out and Holly flipping through the latest issue of whatever nerdy science magazine she had been subscribing to since she was 12, Gail decided to subtly broach the subject again.

The blonde looked at Holly from the corner of her eye, her hand still on the remote control flicking through channels. "You know, the lease is coming up in less than a month. I had no idea until Dov brought it up this morning, since I've been here quite a lot."

Holly didn't look up at Gail, her eyes trained on an interesting article on archeology. "Uh huh, are you guys renewing it then?"

"Nah, Chris wants his own bachelor pad and Dov is planning on moving in with the Disney princess."

Upon hearing this, Holly pulled her magazine down slightly and looked at Gail over her the top of her glasses. "And what about you?"

Gail shrugged casually and then stretched her arms over her head, like she'd worried about it later. "I don't know. Probably have to look for a new place to live, I guess."

Holly simply nodded in response, going back to her article and pushing her glasses higher up the bridge of her nose. Gail groaned internally as she stared at the TV screen.

5 minutes into a trashy reality TV show that Gail wasn't even paying attention to, she decided to try again. She stretched her legs out into Holly's lap, and a second later felt one of the brunette's strong and firm hands lightly massaging her foot.

"It's been nice whenever I stay the night, I feel comfortable here."

Holly let out a soft and short laugh without looking at Gail. "Yeah, you said that already. Earlier during dinner and two days ago right before bed. And then a week ago while we were doing the dishes. I like it too. It's nice having you around."

It was true. Holly liked seeing her clothes next to Gail's, her organic broccoli chips next to Gail's horrifyingly big bag of cheese puffs, her scotch next to Gail's tequila, her DVD collection next to Gail's neatly stacked of console games. It was nice. It felt like home, even if Gail's things were everywhere in her apartment.

With that, Holly went back to reading her stupid magazine, mumbling to herself leaving Gail pouting at the TV screen again. Maybe she should just stop beating around the bush.

Gail knew Holly liked having her around, that the brunette didn't just say it to reassure Gail. Holly didn't mind when Gail would come into her bedroom at 2 in the morning, exhausted from a case. Gail knew when Holly needed some space but at the same time still wanted the blonde to be around. They knew when the other was having a bad day and how to approach or not to approach each other around the house until they needed one another. They worked, like a key in a lock, like a stable and healthy relationship that Gail had never been in. And Gail loved every second of it.

But what if Holly said no? It'd be bloody awkward for their relationship. Deep down Gail knew Holly would probably say yes, but there was a 50% chance she'd say no. And that 50% was nagging at her not to ask until Holly offered Gail to move in with her.

_Well, better luck next time I guess_. Gail sighed softly and turned off the TV when Holly offered her a hand to lead her upstairs to the bedroom to call it a night.

* * *

Holly often found herself thinking about her girlfriend while cutting up dead bodies in her lab. It wasn't because she was distracted, no. Holly Stewart was great at her job for a lot of reasons, and being distracted wasn't one of them. She found that thinking about Gail, about the job her girlfriend did everyday out on the streets made her work even harder, more determined to solve the missing piece of the puzzle quicker.

No doubt it was morbid to other people, but Gail thought it was sweet. That Holly thought about her while examining some John Doe's cracked skull or liver. That Holly loved Gail enough to think about her while she was doing something she loved, like looking at a mystery or something fascinating about the human body. Like her love for science was as much as her love for Gail, as the blonde once tried to explain if only love could be measured.

That conversation happened shortly after Holly accidentally let the 'L' word slipped from her lips one night after Gail had successfully brought her over the edge for the third time. Gail had brushed it off, claiming it was the sex that led Holly into believing she loved her, but Holly was quick to assure Gail it was true with her famous habit of rambling, about how wonderful Gail was and how she thought about Gail at the most random times, like during an autopsy or staring at a bag of cheese puffs at the store.

It took Gail more than a few minutes to successfully end her adorable girlfriend's ramblings with a soft kiss at the corner of Holly's mouth, whispering how she should put her tongue and lips to better use.

Even though Gail had not said it back that night, Holly knew the blonde felt the same. She didn't need to hear the words from Gail, her actions were loud enough for Holly to know she loved her back.

A knock at her door pulled her out of her thoughts, her left hand holding a scalpel, her right elbow deep in a chest cavity.

"Hey, Holly." Staff Sergeant Shaw was standing by the doorway, his kind eyes and infectious smile replaced by a less enthusiastic face. Holly thought nothing of Oliver's behavior, it was probably the sight in front of him that had him shifting uncomfortably.

Holly smiled despite the mask that was covering her face. "Hey Oliver. I'd give you a hug, but as you can see I'm kind of busy right now. What's up?" She waved her left hand, the scalpel shining under the florescent lights.

Oliver could tell Holly was smiling as the smile reached her eyes. He knew what he had to say would cause that smile to drop immediately. He took a few steps towards her, his hands on his hips, voice low and unhappy. "It's Gail."

Holly dropped her scalpel onto the tray with a loud clank, her right hand pulling out of the body before removing her gloves to talk to Oliver. "What's wrong? What happened?" Her warm eyes now frantic as they searched for answers in Oliver's.

"She got shot twice, one in the chest and one in the shoulder." Holly gasped loudly and one hand clutched at her chest, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. Oliver reached out to hold the brunette up on both shoulders. "She was wearing her vest, it caught the one in the chest but the other bullet managed to hit her left shoulder. She's in surgery right now, I'll drive you there."

Holly nodded, shrugging her lab coat off and grabbing her bag that was in the corner of the room. She let Rodney know on her way out that she was heading for the hospital. Her assistant understood the situation and under her instructions called another forensic pathologist to take over the autopsy.

Holly knew dating a cop meant constantly worrying about her girlfriend's safety. She knew wearing a bulletproof vest may help, but it didn't cover every inch of skin, not head to toe. There were other ways to get injured, even killed that didn't involve a vest or a gun.

* * *

She'd waited for hours along with Gail's family and colleagues – except her parents, Steve told them his parents would wait till the surgery was over, no point lingering around the hospital anyway – accepting hugs every now and then until the doctor emerged from the double doors the led to the operating room. She remembered how her legs almost gave out as he made his way towards the group of cops and herself, desperate for good news, and how she pulled the doctor in for a hug for saving her girlfriend's life.

And then it was more waiting, as she sat in a more comfortable chair than the ones in the waiting room for Gail to wake up from her surgery. Still, there were no signs of her parents. The doctor said that the surgery went well, Gail lost quite a lot of blood at first, but once they managed to stop the bleeding, everything went smoothly as they removed the bullet from her shoulder. Gail would make a full recovery along with a couple weeks of physical therapy.

All this waiting led Holly to think about their relationship, reliving every single loving and difficult memory they had gone through together. Then it hit her, the things Gail had been saying for the past few weeks. All the hints about wanting to move in together. Gail was a cat and she had been asking for help to get down the tree, or she had been asking Holly to join her in the tree. Whatever it was, Holly only realized it then. God, she was such an idiot for not seeing the signs. It was right there in front of her.

After the realization, Holly spent another hour mentally chastising herself for her stupidity before Gail stirred. The brunette jumped from her seat when she felt Gail's hand move in hers and a soft groan coming out of the blonde's lips.

"Gail?" Holly moved closer to the bed, her hand not letting go Gail's and her other hand coming up to stroke a pale cheek.

"Ugh, it hurts like a bitch. I need alcohol." Gail groaned again, pouting.

Holly laughed wetly, a mix of happy and sad tears blurring her vision and threatening to spill over the corners of her eyes. Happy because Gail was alive, and Gail was being Gail. Sad because of what an insensitive and oblivious girlfriend she had been for the past couple of weeks.

Instead of alcohol, Holly held up a cup of water to Gail's lips with a straw, sipping slowly until she gasped in pain. "Fuck, it hurts."

"Let me get the nurse."

Holly turned to leave, but Gail refused to let go of her hand. "I love you, Holly."

The brunette turned around, shocked at the sudden admission but tried not to show it. She knew Gail loved her, but it was still a shock to finally hear those words. She'd never imagine hearing it in the hospital, with Gail just out of surgery. "You're all drugged up, honey."

"I mean it, Hols. I really do. When I was lying on the ground, I thought I was going to die. Then I thought of you. Of your beautiful smile and your warm brown eyes. How I've never said those words back to you. How I'd die without you knowing that I loved you." Gail shook her head slightly, wincing in pain. "That I _love_ you."

Holly squeezed Gail's hand, the tears from earlier returning and she decided not to fight it anymore. It slid down her cheeks as she pressed a kiss on Gail's lips. She silently thanked the Gods – and the science and medicine – for saving Gail's life so she could kiss those lips again and again, forever if she were lucky.

"I know you love me, Gail. I see it in the little things you do for me. I love you too and I'm really glad you're alive."

Gail nodded as their lips stayed in contact, barely a kiss but the slightest of touch to remind of each other's presence. "Me too."

"Move in with me?"

"What?"

"While I was waiting, I did a lot of thinking. I realized you've been dropping all these hints, and I'm sorry I've been too blind to see it. I'd love it if you moved in with me. I love having you around and waking up next to you."

"Took you long enough, Stewart."

"Is that a yes?" Holly smiled, eyes wide and hopeful as she waited for Gail's answer.

"God, yes Holly. I'd love to move in with you."

After two days of recuperation back at the apartment under Holly's strict supervision of no junk food – mainly cheese puffs, really – and only healthy and organic meals, Gail was beginning to question her decision to move in with Holly.


	35. Take You Home

Even in the safety of the 15 division precinct, a throng of blues moving around her with purpose as she sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair beside a desk – the back of her head a dull throb, her elbows scraped and her fingers trembling – she could still feel the barrel of the gun piercing her side, her heart pounding against her ribcage in the middle of the busy precinct. Exhausted, aching and still in shock, she just wanted to go home.

* * *

After refilling her mug with the station’s cheap, awful coffee, Gail strolled out of the break room, bringing her mug to her lips for a careful sip as she made her way back to the evidence room slowly. After years of drinking the bland liquid, you’d think one would get used to it. Gail certainly wasn’t. Her shift would be over in less than an hour, but her work in the stuffy dimly lit room was done. All she had to do now was cradle her cup of coffee and try to look busy.

Blue eyes peering over the white ceramic mug, her footsteps slowed to a stop as she caught a glimpse of the familiar dark wavy hair in the bullpen, the woman who had been haunting her dreams and infiltrating her mind. Gail tried to ignore the brunette’s presence and carried on her short walk to the evidence room, but something about the doctor wasn’t right. Even from the corner of the building, Gail could see the woman shaking like a leaf with her head bowed down. 

Holly wasn’t at the station for professional reasons, she was there because she was a victim.

Just like that, any residual bitterness and resentment – mostly self-inflicted, as Gail would learn much later – she had been feeling towards the brunette or what was left of their relationship was thrown out of the window as she feet carried her towards Holly. Placing her mug on the nearest desk, Gail’s eyes were fixed on Holly as her mind went through hundreds of scenarios that could land Holly in that chair. What was she a victim of? Was she hurt? From the back, Holly looked fine to Gail. 

But something inside Gail died a little when she moved to stand in front of the brunette – brown eyes shining with tears, hair in a slight mess, brow furrowed in a sad frown and her glasses, those glasses that Gail loved, shattered but still held preciously between trembling hands. 

“Holly?”

The doctor shuddered visibly at her name, it had been quite some time since the last time she spoke to Gail. She inhaled deeply and tried to collect herself in front of the blonde. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Gail touched the back of Holly’s seat, bending down to the same level as her and spoke with a tenderness that shocked both women.

“I was mugged.” Holly sighed and massaged her temples, she was getting really sick of waiting for someone to take her statement.

“Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine.” Holly looked around, wondering when the officer from earlier would return. “Do you mind taking my statement? I just really wanna go home.”

Gail nodded and looked at Holly’s shaky hands. “Sure. Do you want a cup of coffee or tea before we start?”

“Tea would be nice, please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

The blonde was back in a minute with a cup of tea in her hand. She offered it to Holly before taking her notepad out of her pocket and sitting on the chair at the desk. She watched as Holly slipped her broken glasses into her jean pocket, tanned and trembling fingers cradling the cup and slowly bringing it to her lips. Holly let out a relieved sigh as the hot liquid travelled through her system.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I was getting dinner at the Chinese place along 11th and Queen Street. I parked my car in the lot behind the restaurant, it was surprisingly dark and quiet and there was only one other car in the lot.” Holly’s lips quivered slightly as she sighed for the hundredth time that night. “I was walking back to my car when I felt a gun at my side and a man threatening to shoot me if I don’t give him my bag.”

“What were his exact words?”

Holly stared blankly into the space between her and Gail as she repeated the words out loud. Words that were sealed into her memory. “Make a noise and I will shoot. Now hand me your bag or I swear to God I’ll kill you.”

Gail clenched her jaw to the point of discomfort as she felt anger rising from the bottom of her stomach up to her neck. She cleared her throat and tried to remain professional. “What happened next?”

“He reached for my bag and made me give him my watch before pushing me to the ground.” Holly raised her arms and showed Gail her injured elbows. It was red and covered with dried blood. “His hands were shaking. I don’t know if it’s because of nerves, maybe it’s his first time robbing someone, but he was sniffing a lot so I’m guessing he’s an addict.”

Gail wrote something down on her notepad before asking more questions. She had a death grip on her pen, her knuckles white from clutching onto the pen too tightly. Anymore force she’d break it into two.

“What about a description? Did you manage to see his face? What he was wearing?”

“A navy blue cap, black hoodie, dark blue jeans and light brown boots. Approximately 5’ 11. He sounded young, maybe a young adult? I didn’t get to see his face.”

“That’s okay. When did this happen?”

“Around 8.30.”

Gail looked at her watch. “And how did you get here?”

“I walked.”

“You walked all the way from Queen Street?” The blonde frowned. It was quite a distance to walk to 15. 

When Holly simply nodded, Gail asked another question. “Why didn’t you ask for help?”

The brunette sighed, one hand going to the back of her head, touching the growing lump there. “I… I was in quite the shock.”

To be honest, Holly wasn’t sure if the reason she came to 15 was to file a police report or to see a certain blonde police officer. Even though her keys were still clutched in her palm, she could’ve driven, but her feet just moved on autopilot, her mind replaying the incident over and over and eyes were stinging with tears. It wasn’t until she finally sat down on the uncomfortable chair that Holly finally started to feel the sharp pains in her elbows and the aching at the back of her head.

Gail simply stared at the brunette, taking in the woman in front of her. She looked small and vulnerable, not at all like the confident and dorky doctor she knew. She was torn between determined to find the bastard who robbed and hurt Holly and wanting to stay by her side, that was if Holly wanted her to.   
She was deep in her thoughts until Holly cleared her throat, feeling a little awkward under Gail’s intense gaze. “Are we done?”

Gail looked up at Oliver’s office to see the man typing away on his computer. “Yes. Just give me a minute to change and then I’ll take a look at your wounds?”

“It’s fine, I can do it myself when I reach home.”

“Holly.” Gail glared at the brunette who was hiding behind her cup of tea. The blonde’s glare softened after a moment, a silent plea for Holly to let Gail take care of her wounds. 

“Fine.” Holly relented, sighing into her cup. Gail smiled and stood up, her hand hesitating above Holly’s shoulder as she moved away from the desk, away from the brunette. Fingers twitching uncertainly, she lingered for moment before deciding to retreat her hand back to her side. 

Gail sighed as she walked up the stairs to Oliver’s office, it was hard not to touch Holly and it pained her to see Holly was injured.

* * *

After she had changed into her favourite sweater and a pair of jeans, her work bag slung over her shoulder and first aid kid in one hand, Gail walked back out into the bullpen to see Oliver talking to Holly. Even though she was done with her duties, she was still on shift but she didn’t want to leave Holly in this state. Oliver was understanding as always, and shooed Gail off to go take care of the doctor.

Gail arrived just in time to listen to the end of their conversation.

“Don’t worry, Doc. We’ll find him. You’re one of us, and we take care of our own.” Oliver squeezed Holly’s shoulder in reassurance before looking up at Gail. “Isn’t that right, Peck?”

The blonde simply nodded, readjusting the strap on her shoulder.   
“You should go with her, Doc. Go get your wounds taken care of. I’ll call the second I have news on our robber.”

Muttering a soft thanks, Holly stood up from the chair, her muscles aching and blinked a couple of times, the lump at the back of her head throbbing relentlessly. She tried to hide the pain she was feeling, following Gail into one of the empty conference rooms as the blonde led her across the station with a hand on her forearm, tugging gently.

Once the door was closed behind her, Holly welcomed the quietness with a sigh. She revelled in the darkness of the room, resting her eyes but only for a second before Gail turned on the lights. She sat on one of the office chairs that had much better back support than the previous one and watched as Gail dropped her bag onto the table and took a seat beside her, opening the first aid kit.

Gail wiped the dried blood from her elbow and cleaned the wound with careful concentration. Holly’d wince every once in a while and Gail would mutter her apologies. It didn’t take long for Gail to clean both elbows, apply antibiotic cream and cover the wounds with bandages. 

“Thanks.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Gail’s hands lingered on lid of the first aid kit in case it was a yes and she’d need to use the contents in the box again.

“I hit my head when I fell, but nothing too serious.”

Gail frowned, worried about her head injury. She stood up behind Holly and her fingers hovered over the lump gingerly, afraid of hurting the brunette. It was a rather huge bump and Gail immediately thought about sending Holly to the hospital. 

“Maybe you should get it checked out at the hospital.” Gail looked over at Holly once she was seated again and watched as the brunette closed her eyes and rubbed at her temples.

“I have a massive headache, but I don’t think it’s that serious. I’ll just take some painkillers once I’m home.”

The blonde chewed her bottom lip in concern. “Are you sure?”

Holly nodded. “Yes.”

Gail rolled her chair forward, closer to Holly and held onto both armrests of the brunette’s chair. Holly gulped nervously, unsure of what Gail’s actions were going to be as blue eyes roamed over her face.

Those blue eyes that softened and turned into kind, caring ones that had appeared more than once that night. The same blue eyes that looked at her unabashedly weeks ago, when things were perfect and Holly had Gail in her arms and in her bed. Eyes that had the ability to send chills down Holly’s spine and melt her insides at the same time. Holly couldn’t focus on the throbbing of her head anymore, a blush rising in her cheeks under Gail’s careful scrutiny. 

“Let me take care of you?”

Gail’s voice was gentle, gentle enough to send Holly’s head spinning and the uncertainty laced in Gail’s tender voice of whether or not Holly wanted the blonde to be around her caused Holly’s chest to ache – what were once butterflies in her stomach that had died revived again, fluttering stronger and faster this time.

Even though Holly’s initial plan was to crawl into bed alone and stay in there for the rest of the following morning and afternoon, having Gail around didn’t seem like a bad idea. She’d missed Gail ever since the Penny, her heart cracking every day she didn’t get see the blonde.

“Okay.”

Both women weren’t sure who initiated it first, but they remembered leaning into the kiss together, a joint effort in closing the painful distance. Eyelids fluttering close at the first contact of sweet, chapped lips, Gail being as gentle as ever, one hand coming up to stroke Holly’s cheek.

The kiss was reassurance, a sense of comfort and promises. They stayed like this, lips barely touching yet it conveyed the indescribable, noses brushing to remind one another of each other’s presence and foreheads touching as if their souls were connected.

Gail finally pulled away after eons of tender moments shared between them, eyes still trained on the brunette as she tucked a strand of hair behind Holly’s ear. Holly’s bottom lip quivered, Gail’s soft touches were helping to release the trauma of the night into the emptiness of the room.

“Let me take you home?”

“Okay.”

They didn’t talk about what happened at the Penny, not that night, especially not when Gail’s arms were wrapped tightly around Holly, providing the brunette with a sense of security and delicious warmth as she fell asleep against the softness that was Gail.

* * *

_They did, however, talk about it the next night over bacon and pancakes for dinner prepared by Gail._


	36. Christmas Eve/Morning

You had to carry Nick into the bedroom and throw him onto the mattress like a log that weighs a tonne, your fellow undercover cop is drunk off his ass tonight. That's what you get for drinking with the Russian mob. You had a few shots of vodka yourself, but not enough to be slurring your words or make your legs feel as heavy as lead.

Closing the bedroom door behind you, you head for the kitchen, finding the last bottle of beer in the rather empty and pathetic refrigerator. Taking the first sip of the cold beverage, you scan around the tiny kitchen and living room. It's a shitty place, cracked ceilings and stained walls, and the radiators in the living room and Nick's bedroom tend to stop working for a couple of hours every day. Like right now, in the middle of a cold winter night. You're grateful for the effects of the alcohol that are coursing through your body, your cheeks are warm and you're not shivering from the cold as much as you're supposed to.

You have to call Sam for your check ins – it doesn't matter who makes the calls, as long as he knows the both of you are still alive and the operation has not yet been compromised – but as you take a seat on the sofa, you decided that Sam can wait for a few more minutes. You try not to move too much, the squeaking of the leather cushions are loud enough to wake a whole building on a silent December night. Sitting on the right side of the sofa and taking another sip of your beer, you stare at the wall and at the ticking clock, something you've been doing since day one of being undercover.

It's been a daily routine, Nick already in bed while you sit in the living room pondering about the life you left back in the city. Every night, you give yourself five minutes. Five minutes to be Gail, not a low life criminal trying to climb the ranks and become Mikhail's right hand man. Nick doesn't question or comment about it every time he says his goodnights, he doesn't question you because he understands.

It seems like you'll be spending Christmas and the New Year with Nick and the Russian mob. You're not at all disappointed (well, maybe a little. You're sick of drinking Russian vodka and pretty sure your liver would be extremely grateful if you'd stop drinking for a while) at the prospect of spending the holidays with criminals and away from home. Going into the operation, the two of you knew there's a possibility that it might stretch into the New Year, you're just disappointed that you'll miss seeing Holly in her ridiculously ugly Christmas sweater that lights up and listening to her singing incredibly off-key to Mariah Carey. And you'll certainly miss the famous Stewart family eggnog. One thing you won't miss, though, is the annual Peck Christmas dinner along with the city's politicians and influential people.

You remember the last time you went undercover. It was a hasty decision made in the midst of one of the worst fights you've had with Holly. You remember how a three week operation became two months, and how you'd returned home to a seething brunette that wouldn't speak to you for almost a week. You remember the heartbroken look on Holly's face when she first saw you in two months, the relief that you were alive and safe and back home and the anger and disappointment in her eyes that left your heart clenching in disdain of yourself for leaving without even a note.

The undercover operation was a great success in everyone's books, but it almost tore your relationship with Holly into pieces. And then there was Perik before that. So it is safe to say that undercover operations and Gail Peck do not go well together. But you sure hope that this time it would be different – you pray every day and thank God every night that you and Nick are still alive.

This time, you didn't have a choice. You're the only female cop in 15 who knows how to speak Russian and not sound like a tourist trying to ask for directions. You didn't run like the last time, instead you went to Holly and the both of you had a long, steamy goodbye before you left the city.

This time, you were the one who didn't want to leave, because you had bought a ring and you were going to propose to Holly.

You close your eyes – but you can still see the brightness of the flickering bathroom light spilling into the hallway and living room, you can still hear the tick-tock of the clock and you can smell the cold and snow even though you're indoors – and you think about the ring that is currently kept in your locker back at the precinct. You silently pray this operation will go off without a hitch so you can go back home and back to Holly.

You close your eyes and you imagine the beautiful ring on Holly.

* * *

You're not even back for five hours yet but you're not going to lie, the Christmas lights all over Toronto and the snow covering the city you call home in a beautiful white blanket already got you into the holiday mood. Not to mention you're freezing your ass off and you're pretty sure your legs are numb from the cold. It's truly a Christmas miracle that you and Nick manage to return home safe and sound on Christmas Eve. Who knew criminals work hard on holidays too? After the arrest and hours of debrief and tying up loose ends, you're finally arriving home, to the townhouse where you and Holly live.

Standing on the opposite sidewalk and looking up, you can see part of the Christmas tree glowing in the dark living room. What you didn't expect to see, is a dark figure sitting by the window with hands wrapped around a mug. It's almost three in the morning and you're surprised to see that Holly's still awake.

Your heart is beating much faster now, a blush rising up to your cheeks, your body no longer shivering from the cold but from excitement. You've missed her dearly, and you can see from your position on the sidewalk that Holly is wearing your sweater. A smile pulls at the corners of your lips, a genuine and warm smile that's been missing for a while. A smile reserved for Holly. Your hand reaches into your bag to retrieve the tiny box and you run your fingers over the velvet material of the box. You were waiting for the right time to propose, but now you've learned that that there is no such thing as the right time. Which is foolish of you, considering the line of work you're in.

Hands around the white mug pause mid-air, and from a distance away you can almost see Holly's eyes bulging out at the sight of you standing on the sidewalk. Even though your hair is longer now and dyed black, you know she recognizes you because she's putting down her mug and moving away from the window the second her eyes meet yours.

Your hand clenches around the box one last time that night, your mind made up and your heart ready to commit to a lifetime of cheesy sweaters, eggnog and presents under the tree.

You jog across the empty street and by the time you're at the bottom of the steps, you're being greeted by your girlfriend in your police department sweater and a pair of fleece pyjamas pants. A gust of cold wind sends Holly shivering fiercely, and within half a second you've swept her up into a long overdue hug. Closing your eyes at the feeling of Holly's arms around you, it feels like coming home.

"You're back," Holly whispers into your ear and you squeeze her tight, breathing in the familiar scent of Holly's shampoo. "I missed you so much."  
"I missed you too."

"I love you. Even with jet black hair."

You laugh for the first time in months, and you whisper you love her too. And when she kisses you, Holly shivers at the first contact of your chapped lips against hers and you're pretty sure it's not from the cold.

The after taste of months of vodka on your lips gone, your lungs healing from the cigarettes and cigars and the heaviness in your chest is slowly lifting up towards the night sky, dispersing into nothing. The faint taste of Holly's favourite tea has you leaning in for a much deeper and fuller kiss, earning a soft moan from the brunette that reverberates through your body – through your soul. You feel snowflakes falling onto your cheeks and your eyelids, but you don't care, not when Holly's touches are keeping you warm and her lips against yours is helping to forget the appalling things you've witnessed during your brief time in the mob.

Holly whispers against your lips and in between kisses, whispers to God, whispers to the stars and the universe how grateful she is for having you back in her arms at 3am on Christmas morning.

You're not sure how long the two of you have been standing there, but you're in a daze after the kiss, and you let yourself be led into the townhouse with the promise of Holly's famous eggnog and a warm bath.

You close the door behind you and let the smell of Christmas fill your senses and the warmth of your home envelop you. Maybe you'll propose after some eggnog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, peeps. Cheers.


End file.
